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But never a lover for me！
ENSEMBLE。
BRIDESMAIDS。 BUCKS AND BLADES。
So welcome gentry； etc。 When thoroughly tired； etc。
（Enter Sir Despard Murgatroyd。）
SONG AND CHORUSSIR DESPARD。
SIR D。 Oh； why am I moody and sad？
CH。 Can't guess！
SIR D。 And why am I guiltily mad？
CH。 Confess！
SIR D。 Because I am thoroughly bad！
CH。 Oh yes
SIR D。 You'll see it at once in my face。
Oh； why am I husky and hoarse？
CH。 Ah； why？
SIR D。 It's the workings of conscience； of course。
CH。 Fie； fie！
SIR D。 And huskiness stands for remorse；
CH。 Oh my！
SIR D。 At least it does so in my case！
SIR D。 When in crime one is fully employed
CH。 Like you
SIR D。 Your expression gets warped and destroyed：
CH。 It do。
SIR D。 It's a penalty none can avoid；
CH。 How true！
SIR D。 I once was a nice…looking youth；
But like stone from a strong catapult
CH。 （explaining to each other）。 A trice
SIR D。 I rushed at my terrible cult
CH。 （explaining to each other）。 That's vice
SIR D。 Observe the unpleasant result！
CH。 Not nice。
SIR D。 Indeed I am telling the truth！
SIR D。 Oh； innocent； happy though poor！
CH。 That's we
SIR D。 If I had been virtuous； I'm sure
CH。 Like me
SIR D。 I should be as nice…looking as you're！
CH。 May be。
SIR D。 You are very nice…looking indeed！
Oh； innocents； listen in time
CH。 We doe；
SIR D。 Avoid an existence of crime
CH。 Just so
SIR D。 Or you'll be as ugly as I'm
CH。 （loudly）。 No！ No！
SIR D。 And now； if you please； we'll proceed。
（All the girls express their horror of Sir Despard。 As he
approaches them they fly from him； terror…stricken； leaving
him alone on the stage。）
SIR D。 Poor children； how they loathe meme whose hands
are certainly steeped in infamy； but whose heart is as the heart
of a little child！ But what is a poor baronet to do； when a
whole picture gallery of ancestors step down from their frames
and threaten him with an excruciating death if he hesitate to
commit his daily crime？ But ha！ ha！ I am even with them！
（Mysteriously。） I get my crime over the first thing in the
morning； and then； ha！ ha！ for the rest of the day I do goodI
do goodI do good！ （Melodramatically。） Two days since； I stole
a child and built an orphan asylum。 Yesterday I robbed a bank
and endowed a bishopric。 To…day I carry off Rose Maybud and
atone with a cathedral！ This is what it is to be the sport and
toy of a Picture Gallery！ But I will be bitterly revenged upon
them！ I will give them all to the Nation； and nobody shall ever
look upon their faces again！
（Enter Richard。）
RICH。 Ax your honour's pardon； but
SIR D。 Ha！ observed！ And by a mariner！ What would you
with me； fellow？
RICH。 Your honour； I'm a poor man…o'…war's…man； becalmed in
the doldrums
SIR D。 I don't know them。
RICH。 And I make bold to ax your honour's advice。 Does
your honour know what it is to have a heart？
SIR D。 My honour knows what it is to have a complete
apparatus for conducting the circulation of the blood through the
veins and arteries of the human body。
RICH。 Aye； but has your honour a heart that ups and looks
you in the face； and gives you quarter…deck orders that it's life
and death to disobey？
SIR D。 I have not a heart of that description； but I have a
Picture Gallery that presumes to take that liberty。
RICH。 Well； your honour； it's like thisYour honour had an
elder brother
SIR D。 It had。
RICH。 Who should have inherited your title and； with it；
its cuss。
SIR D。 Aye； but he died。 Oh； Ruthven！
RICH。 He didn't。
SIR D。 He did not？
RICH。 He didn't。 On the contrary； he lives in this here
very village； under the name of Robin Oakapple； and he's a…going
to marry Rose Maybud this very day。
SIR D。 Ruthven alive； and going to marry Rose Maybud！ Can
this be possible？
RICH。 Now the question I was going to ask your honour is…
…Ought I to tell your honour this？
SIR D。 I don't know。 It's a delicate point。 I think you
ought。 Mind； I'm not sure； but I think so。
RICH。 That's what my heart says。 It says； 〃Dick；〃 it says
（it calls me Dick acos it's entitled to take that liberty）； 〃that
there young gal would recoil from him if she knowed what he
really were。 Ought you to stand off and on； and let this young
gal take this false step and never fire a shot across her bows to
bring her to？ No；〃 it says； 〃you did not ought。〃 And I won't
ought； accordin'。
SIR D。 Then you really feel yourself at liberty to tell me
that my elder brother livesthat I may charge him with his cruel
deceit； and transfer to his shoulders the hideous thraldom under
which I have laboured for so many years！ Freefree at last！
Free to live a blameless life； and to die beloved and regretted
by all who knew me！
DUETSIR DESPARD and RICHARD。
RICH。 You understand？
SIR D。 I think I do；
With vigour unshaken
This step shall be taken。
It's neatly planned。
RICH。 I think so too；
I'll readily bet it
You'll never regret it！
BOTH。 For duty； duty must be done；
The rule applies to every one；
And painful though that duty be；
To shirk the task were fiddle…de…dee！
SIR D。 The bridegroom comes
RICH。 Likewise the bride
The maidens are very
Elated and merry；
They are her chums。
SIR D。 To lash their pride
Were almost a pity；
The pretty committee！
BOTH。 But duty； duty must be done；
The rule applies to every one；
And painful though that duty be；
To shirk the task were fiddle…de…dee！
（Exeunt Richard and Sir Despard。）
（Enter Chorus of Bridesmaids and Bucks。）
CHORUS OF BRIDESMAIDS。
Hail the bride of seventeen summers：
In fair phrases
Hymn her praises；
Lift your song on high； all comers。
She rejoices
In your voices。
Smiling summer beams upon her；
Shedding every blessing on her：
Maidens greet her
Kindly treat her
You may all be brides some day！
CHORUS OF BUCKS。
Hail the bridegroom who advances；
Agitated；
Yet elated。
He's in easy circumstances；
Young and lusty；
True and trusty。
ALL。 Smiling summer beams upon her； etc。
（Enter Robin； attended by Richard and Old Adam； meeting Rose；
attended by Zorah and Dame Hannah。 Rose and Robin embrace。）
MADRIGAL。
ROSE； DAME HANNAH； RICHARD； OLD ADAM with CHORUS。
ROSE。 When the buds are blossoming；
Smiling welcome to the spring；
Lovers choose a wedding day
Life is love in merry May！
GIRLS。 Spring is greenFal lal la！
Summer's roseFal la la！
QUARTET。 It is sad when summer goes；
Fa la！
MEN。 Autumn's goldFah lal la！
Winter's greyFah lal la！
QUARTET。 Winter still is far away
Fa la！
CHORUS。 Leaves in autumn fade and fall；
Winter is the end of all。
Spring and summer teem with glee：
Spring and summer； then； for me！
Fa la！
HANNAH。 In the spring…time seed is sown：
In the summer grass is mown：
In the