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And the years will seem
Knightsbridge nursemaids； etc。 But a brief day…dream；
In the job extreme
Of our happiness！
（Exeunt King and Zara in one direction； Lifeguardsmen and crowd in
opposite direction。 Enter； at back； Scaphio and Phantis； who
watch
Zara as she goes off。 Scaphio is seated； shaking violently；
and
obviously under the influence of some strong emotion。）
Phantis： Theretell me； Scaphio； is she not beautiful？ Can you
wonder that I love her so passionately？
Scaphio： No。 She is extraordinarilymiraculously lovely！ Good
heavens； what a singularly beautiful girl！
Phantis： I knew you would say so！
Scaphio： What exquisite charm of manner！ What surprising delicacy
of
gesture！ Why； she's a goddess！ a very goddess！
Phantis： （rather taken aback） Yesshe'sshe's an attractive
girl。
Scaphio： Attractive？ Why； you must be blind！She's
entrancingenthrallingintoxicating！ （Aside） God
bless
my heart； what's the matter with me？
Phantis： （alarmed） Yes。 Youyou promised to help me to get her
father's consent； you know。
Scaphio： Promised！ Yes； but the convulsion has come； my good boy！
It is shemy ideal！ Why； what's this？ （Staggering）
Phantis！ Stop meI'm going madmad with the love of
her！
Phantis： Scaphio； compose yourself； I beg。 The girl is perfectly
opaque！ Besides； remembereach of us is helpless
without
the other。 You can't succeed without my consent； you
know。
Scaphio： And you dare to threaten？ Oh； ungrateful！ When you came
to
me； palsied with love for this girl； and implored my
assis…
tance； did I not unhesitatingly promise it？ And this is
the
return you make？ Out of my sight； ingrate！ （Aside）
Dear！
dear！ what is the matter with me？ （Enter Capt。
Fitzbattleaxe
and Zara）
Zara： Dear me。 I'm afraid we are interrupting a tete…a…tete。
Scaphio： （breathlessly） No； no。 You come very appropriately。 To
be
brief； wewe love youthis man and
Imadlypassionately！
Zara： Sir！
Scaphio： And we don't know how we are to settle which of us is to
marry you。
Fitz。： Zara； this is very awkward。
Scaphio： （very much overcome） II am paralyzed by the singular
radiance of your extraordinary loveliness。 I know I am
incoherent。 I never was like this beforeit shall not
occur again。 Ishall be fluent； presently。
Zara： （aside） Oh； dear； Captain Fitzbattleaxe； what is to be
done？
Fitz。： （aside） Leave it to meI'll manage it。 （Aloud） It's
a
common situation。 Why not settle it in the English
fashion？
Both： The English fashion？ What is that？
Fitz。： It's very simple。 In England； when two gentlemen are in
love with the same lady； and until it is settled which
gentleman is to blow out the brains of the other； it is
provided； by the Rival Admirers' Clauses Consolidation
Act；
that the lady shall be entrusted to an officer of
Household
Cavalry as stakeholder； who is bound to hand her over to
the
survivor （on the Tontine principle） in a good condition
of
substantial and decorative repair。
Scaphio： Reasonable wear and tear and damages by fire excepted？
Fitz。： Exactly。
Phantis： Well； that seems very reasonable。 （To Scaphio） What do
you
sayShall we entrust her to this officer of Household
Cavalry？ It will give us time。
Scaphio： （trembling violently） II am not at present in a
condition
to think it out coollybut if he is an officer of
Household
Cavalry； and if the Princess consents…
Zara： Alas； dear sirs； I have no alternativeunder the Rival
Admirers' Clauses Consolidation Act！
Fitz。： Goodthen that's settled。
QUARTET
Fitzbattleaxe； Zara； Scaphio； and Phantis。
Fitz。： It's understood； I think； all round
That； by the English custom bound
I hold the lady safe and sound
In trust for either rival；
Until you clearly testify
By sword and pistol； by and by；
Which gentleman prefers to die；
And which prefers survival。
ENSEMBLE
Sca。 and Phan。 Zara and Fitz
Its clearly understood all round We stand； I think； on safish
ground
That； by your English custom bound Our senses weak it will
astound
He holds the lady safe and sound If either gentleman is found
In trust for either rival； Prepared to meet his rival。
Until we clearly testify Their machinations we defy；
By sword or pistol； by and by We won't be parted； you and
I
Which gentleman prefers to die； Of bloodshed each is rather
shy
Which prefers survival。 They both prefer survival
Phan。： If I should die and he should live
（aside to Fitz。） To you； without reserve； I give
Her heart so young and sensitive；
And all her predilections。
Sca。： If he should live and I should die；
（aside to Fitz。） I see no kind of reason why
You should not； if you wish it； try
To gain her young affections。
ENSEMBLE
Sca。 and Phant。 Fitz and Zara
If I should die and you should live As both of us are positive
To this young officer I give That both of them intend to
live；
Her heart so soft and sensitive； There's nothing in the case to
give
And all her predilections。 Us cause for grave
reflections。
If you should live and I should die As both will live and neither
die
I see no kind of reason why I see no kind of reason why
He should not； if he chooses； try I should not； if I wish it；
try
To win her young affections。 To gain your young
affections！
（Exit Scaphio and Phantis
together）
DUET Zara and Fitzbattleaxe
Ensemble： Oh admirable art！
Oh； neatly…planned intention！
Oh； happy intervention
Oh； well constructed plot！
When sages try to part
Two loving hearts in fusion；
Their wisdom's delusion；
And learning serves them not！
Fitz。： Until quit plain
Is their intent；
These sages twain
I represent。
Now please infer
That； nothing loth；
You're henceforth； as it were；
Engaged to marry both
Then take it that I represent the two
On that hypothesis； what would you do？
Zara。 （aside）： What would I do？ what would I do？
（To Fitz。） In such a case；
Upon your breast；
My blushing face
I think I'd rest（doing so）
Then perhaps I might
Demurely say
〃I find this breastplate bright
Is sorely in the way！〃
Fitz。： Our mortal race
Is never blest
There's no such case
As perfect rest；
Some petty blight
Asserts its sway
Some crumbled roseleaf light
Is always in the way！
（Exit Fitzbattleaxe。 Manet
Zara。）
（Enter King。）
King： My daughter！ At last we are alone together。
Zara： Yes； and I'm glad we are； for I want to speak to you very
seriously。 Do you know this paper？
King： （aside） Da！ （Aloud） Oh yesI'veI've seen it。
Where
in the world did you get this from？
Zara： It was given to me by Lady Sophymy sisters' governess。
King： （aside） Lady Sophy's an angel； but I do sometimes wish
she'd mind her own business！ （Aloud） It'sha！
ha！it's
rather humorous。
Zara： I see nothing humorous in it。 I only see that you； the
des…
potic King of this country； are made the subject of the
most
scandalous insinuations。 Why do you permit these things？
Kin