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feel about everything 。 。 。〃
〃Well； fatherI don't know。 One hadn't much time for thinking； you know。 No one did much thinking in Rio。 When I was in the Bermudas there was a fellow 。 。 。〃
〃Yes； but tell me about yourself。〃
Then； with a desperate effort； he broke out：
〃Father； you'll be badly disappointed in me。 I've been feeling it coming all the time。 I can't help it。 I'm just like any one else。 I want to have a good time。 One's only young once。 I'm awfully sorry。 I want to please you in any way I can； butbutit's all goneall that early part。 It's simply one's childhood that's finished with。〃
〃And it can't come back ？〃 his father said quietly。
〃Never！〃 Martin's voice was almost a cry as though he were defying something。
〃We are very weak against God's will；〃 his father said； still quietly as though it were not he that was speaking but some voice in the shadow behind him。 〃You are not your own master； Martin。〃
〃I am my own master；〃 Martin answered passionately。 〃I have been my own master for ten years。 I've not done anything very fine with my life； I know。 I'm just like any one elsebut I've found my feet。 I can look after myself against anybody and I'm independentof every one and of everything。〃
His father drew a little closer to him。
〃Of course；〃 he said； 〃I was not so foolish as to expect that you would come back to us just as you left us。 I know that you must have your own lifeand be freeso much as any of us are free at all 。 。 。〃 Then after a little pause。 〃What are your plans？ What are you going to do？〃
〃Well；〃 answered Martin； hesitating； 〃I haven't exactly settled； you know。 I might take a small share in some business； go into the City。 Then at other times I feel I shouldn't like being cooped up in a town after the life I've led。 Sometimes； this last month； I've felt I couldn't breathe。 It was though； are you； all the chimneys were going to tumble in。 When you're out on a field you know where you are； don't you？ So I've thought it would be nice to have a little farm somewhere in the South； Devonshire or Glebeshire 。 。 。 And then I'd marry of course； a girl who'd like that kind of life and wouldn't find it dull。 There'd be plenty of worka healthy life for children right away from these towns 。 。 。 That's my sort of idea； father； but of course one doesn't know 。 。 。〃
Martin trailed off into inconsequent words。 It was as though his father were waiting for him to commit himself and would then suddenly leap upon him with 〃There！ Now； you've betrayed yourself。 I've caught you〃 and he had simply nothing to betray； nothing to conceal。
But anything was better than these pauses during which the threats and anticipations piled up and up； making a monstrous figure out of exactly nothing at all。
It was not enough to tell himself that between every father and son there were restraints and hesitations； a division cleft by the remembrance of the time when one had commanded and the other obeyed。 There were other elements herefor one the element of an old affection that had once been at the very root of the boy's soul and was now in the strangest way creeping back to him； as an old familiar； but forgotten form might creep out of the dark and sit at his feet and clasp his knees。
〃Well；〃 said John Warlock。 〃That's very pleasant。 You must feel very grateful to your aunt Rachel； Martin； she's given you the opportunity of doing what you like with your life。 She spoke to me about it before she died。〃
〃She spoke to you about it？〃
〃Yes。 She told me that she did it because she wanted to bring you back to me。 She knew of my love for you。 We often talked of you together。 She was a faithful servant of God。 She believed that God meant to bring you； through her； back into His arms。〃
〃I might not have come；〃 Martin said with a sudden anger that surprised himself。 〃She made no conditions。 I might have gone on with my life there abroad。 I am free to lead my own life where and how I please。〃
〃Quite free。〃 His father answered gently。 〃But she knew that you would come。 Of course you are your own master； Martin〃
〃No； but it must be quite clear；〃 Martin cried； the excitement rising in him as he spoke。 He leaned forward almost touching his father's chair。 〃I'm not bound to any one by this money。 It was awfully jolly of Aunt Rachel。 I'll never forget herbut I'm free。 I haven't got to say that I believe things when I don't； or that I think things that she thought just because she did 。 。 。 I don't want to hurt you； father； but you know that it must have seemed to me pretty odd coming back after all these years and finding you； all in the same place； doing the same things； believing in the same thingsjust like years ago。 I've seen the world a bit； I can tell youRussia； China； Japan； America； North and South； India。 You believe as far as you can see。 What are you to think when； in every country that you come to； you see people believing in different things？ They can't all be right； you know。〃
His father said nothing。
〃But each thinks he's rightand each hates the other。 Then； when I came back and saw a fellow like that man Thurston preaching and laying down the law； well； it seemed odd enough that any one could be taken in by it。 I hope I don't hurt you； father 。 。 。 only that's what you want； isn't it 。 。 。 to have it out quite plainly？ 。 。 。〃
His father； still very gently and hesitating as though he found it difficult to catch the words that he wished （his voice had still the remoteness of some one speaking； who was far from them both）； said：
〃You'll think it odd； Martin； when you know how often I have to preach and speak in public； that I should find it hard to talkbut I never； with any man alone； could find words easily。 I know so little。 It is God's punishment for some selfish nervousness and shyness in me； that even now when I am an old man I cannot speak as one man to another。 There was once； I remember； a young man who had heard me preach and was moved by my words and begged to see me in private。 He came one evening； he was tempted to commit a terrible sin。 He depended upon me to save him and I could say nothing。 I struggled； I prayed； but it was incredible to me that any man could be tempted to such a thing。 I spoke only conventional words that meant nothing。 He went away from me； and his lost soul is now upon me and will always be 。 。 。 but； Martin； what I would say beyond everything isdo not let us separate。 Be free as you must be free； as you should be freebut stay with meremain with me。 I am an old man； I have longed for you as I think no other father can ever have longed for his son。 They tell me that I cannot live many more years。 God chooses His time。 Be with me； Martin； for a little while even though I may seem old to you and foolish。 Perhaps things will come back to you that you have long forgotten。 You were once pledged and it was a vow that is not easily removedbut it is enough for the present if you will be with me a little； give me some of your time give the old days a chance to come back。〃 He laid his hand upon his son's。
The sudden touch of the dry； hot； trembling skin filled Martin's heart with the strangest confusion of affection； embarrassment and some familiar pathos。 In just that way ten years before he had felt his father's hand and had thought： 〃How old he's getting！ 。 。 。 How I shall miss him！ 。 。 。 I hope nothing happens to him！〃 In the very balance of his father's sentences and the deliberate choice of words there had been something old…fashioned and remote from all the life and scramble of Martin's recent years。 Now he took his father's hand in his own strong grasp and said gruffly：
〃That's all right； father 。 。 。 I'm not going while you want me 。 。 。 You and I 。 。 。 always 。 。 。 it's just the same now。〃
But even as he spoke he felt as though he were giving some pledge that was to involve him in far more than he could see before him。 Then； with a happy sense that the sentimental part of the conversation was over； he began to talk about all kinds of things。 He let himself go and even； after a while； began to feel the whole thing really jolly and pleasant。 His father wanted waking up。 He had been here so long； with all these awful frumps； brooding over one idea； never getting away from this Religion。
Martin began to imagine himself very cleverly leading his father into a normal natural life； taking him to see things； making him laugh； it would do his health a world of good。
Then； quite suddenly； the old man said：
〃And what do you remember； Martin； of the old days here； the days when you were quite small； when we lived in Mason Street？〃
What did Martin remember？ He remembered a good deal。 He was surprised when he began to think 。 。 。 〃Did he remember 。 。 。〃 his father suggested a scene； a dayyes； he remembered that。 His father continued； as though it had been for his own pleasure。
The scenes； the hours returned with a vividness and actuality that thronged the room。
He could see Mason Street with its grocer's shop at the corner； its Baths and Public Library； the sudden little black dips into the areas as the houses followed one another； the lamp…post opposite their window that had always excited him because it leaned inwards a little as though it woul