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the garden of allah-第59章

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almost invincible personal feeling to conquer my inward sense of
right! Madame; come into the garden for a moment。〃

He opened the gate; she passed in; and he led her round the house to
the enclosure at the back; where they could talk in greater privacy。
Then he continued:

〃You are right; Madame。 I am here to try to do God's work; and
sometimes it is better to act for a human being; perhaps; even than to
pray for him。 I will tell you that I feel an almost invincible
repugnance to Monsieur Androvsky; a repugnance that is almost stronger
than my will to hold it in check。〃 He shivered slightly。 〃But; with
God's help; I'll conquer that。 If he stays on here I'll try to be his
friend。 I'll do all I can。 If he is unhappy; far away from good;
perhapsI say it humbly; Madame; I assure youI might help him。 But〃
and here his face and manner changed; became firmer; more dominating
〃you are not a priest; and〃

〃No; only a woman;〃 she said; interrupting him。

Something in her voice arrested him。 There was a long silence in which
they paced slowly up and down on the sand between the palm trees。 The
twilight was dying into night。 Already the tomtoms were throbbing in
the street of the dancers; and the shriek of the distant pipes was
faintly heard。 At last the priest spoke again。

〃Madame;〃 he said; 〃when you came to me this afternoon there was
something that you could not tell me。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Had it anything to do with Monsieur Androvsky?〃

〃I meant to ask you to advise me about myself。〃

〃My advice to you was and isbe strong but not too foolhardy。〃

〃Believe me I will try not to be foolhardy。 But you said something
else too; something about women。 Don't you remember?〃

She stopped; took his hands impulsively and pressed them。

〃Father; I've scarcely ever been of any use all my life。 I've scarcely
ever tried to be。 Nothing within me said; 'You could be;' and if it
had I was so dulled by routine and sorrow that I don't think I should
have heard it。 But here it is different。 I am not dulled。 I can hear。
Andsuppose I can be of use for the first time! You wouldn't say to
me; 'Don't try!' You couldn't say that?〃

He stood holding her hands and looking into her face for a moment。
Then he said; half…humorously; half…sadly:

〃My child; perhaps you know your own strength best。 Perhaps your
safest spiritual director is your own heart。 Who knows? But whether it
be so or not you will not take advice from me。〃

She knew that was true now and; for a moment; felt almost ashamed。

〃Forgive me;〃 she said。 〃Butit is strange; and may seem to you
ridiculous or even wrongever since I have been here I have felt as
if everything that happened had been arranged beforehand; as if it had
to happen。 And I feel that; too; about the future。〃

〃Count Anteoni's fatalism!〃 the priest said with a touch of impatient
irritation。 〃I know。 It is the guiding spirit of this land。 And you
too are going to be led by it。 Take care! You have come to a land of
fire; and I think you are made of fire。〃

For a moment she saw a fanatical expression in his eyes。 She thought
of it as the look of the monk crushed down within his soul。 He opened
his lips again; as if to pour forth upon her a torrent of burning
words。 But the look died away; and they parted quietly like two good
friends。 Yet; as she went to the hotel; she knew that Father Roubier
could not give her the kind of help she wanted; and she even fancied
that perhaps no priest could。 Her heart was in a turmoil; and she
seemed to be in the midst of a crowd。

Batouch was at the door; looking elaborately contrite and ready with
his lie。 He had been seized with fever in the night; in token whereof
he held up hands which began to shake like wind…swept leaves。 Only now
had he been able to drag himself from his quilt and; still afflicted
as he was; to creep to his honoured patron and crave her pardon。
Domini gave it with an abstracted carelessness that evidently hurt his
pride; and was passing into the hotel when he said:

〃Irena is going to marry Hadj; Madame。〃

Since the fracas at the dancing…house both the dancer and her victim
had been under lock and key。

〃To marry her after she tried to kill him!〃 said Domini。

〃Yes; Madame。 He loves her as the palm tree loves the sun。 He will
take her to his room; and she will wear a veil; and work for him and
never go out any more。〃

〃What! She will live like the Arab women?〃

〃Of course; Madame。 But there is a very nice terrace on the roof
outside Hadj's room; and Hadj will permit her to take the air there;
in the evening or when it is hot。〃

〃She must love Hadj very much。〃

〃She does; or why should she try to kill him?〃

So that was an African lovea knife…thrust and a taking of the veil!
The thought of it added a further complication to the disorder that
was in her mind。

〃I will see you after dinner; Batouch;〃 she said。

She felt that she must do something; go somewhere that night。 She
could not remain quiet。

Batouch drew himself up and threw out his broad chest。 His air gave
place to importance; and; as he leaned against the white pillar of the
arcade; folded his ample burnous round him; and glanced up at the sky
he saw; in fancy; a five…franc piece glittering in the chariot of the
moon。

The priest did not come to dinner that night; but Androvsky was
already at his table when Domini came into the /salle…a…manger/。 He
got up from his seat and bowed formally; but did not speak。
Remembering his outburst of the morning she realised the suspicion
which her second interview with the priest had probably created in his
mind; and now she was not free from a feeling of discomfort that
almost resembled guilt。 For now she had been led to discuss Androvsky
with Father Roubier; and had it not been almost an apology when she
said; 〃I know he is not evil〃? Once or twice during dinner; when her
eyes met Androvsky's for a moment; she imagined that he must know why
she had been at the priest's house; that anger was steadily increasing
in him。

He was a man who hated to be observed; to be criticised。 His
sensitiveness was altogether abnormal; and made her wonder afresh
where his previous life had been passed。 It must surely have been a
very sheltered existence。 Contact with the world blunts the fine edge
of our feeling with regard to others' opinion of us。 In the world men
learn to be heedless of the everlasting buzz of comment that attends
their goings out and their comings in。 But Androvsky was like a youth;
alive to the tiniest whisper; set on fire by a glance。 To such a
nature life in the world must be perpetual torture。 She thought of him
with a sorrow thatstrangely in herwas not tinged with contempt。
That which manifested by another man would certainly have moved her to
impatience; if not to wrath; in this man woke other sensations
curiosity; pity; terror。

Yesterror。 To…night she knew that。 The long day; begun in the
semidarkness before the dawn and ending in the semidarkness of the
twilight; had; with its events that would have seemed to another
ordinary and trivial enough; carried her forward a stage on an
emotional pilgrimage。 The half…veiled warnings of Count Anteoni and of
the priest; followed by the latter's almost passionately abrupt plain
speaking; had not been without effect。 To…night something of Europe
and her life there; with its civilised experience and drastic training
in the management of woman's relations with humanity in general; crept
back under the palm trees and the brilliant stars of Africa; and
despite the fatalism condemned by Father Roubier; she was more
conscious than she had hitherto been of how othersthe outside world
would be likely to regard her acquaintance with Androvsky。 She
stood; as it were; and looked on at the events in which she herself
had been and was involved; and in that moment she was first aware of a
thrill of something akin to terror; as if; perhaps; without knowing
it; she had been moving amid a great darkness; as if perhaps a great
darkness were approaching。 Suddenly she saw Androvsky as some strange
and ghastly figure of legend; as the wandering Jew met by a traveller
at cross roads and distinguished for an instant in an oblique
lightning flash; as Vanderdecken passing in the hurricane and throwing
a blood…red illumination from the sails of his haunted ship; as the
everlasting climber of the Brocken; as the shrouded Arab of the
Eastern legend; who announced coming disaster to the wanderers in the
desert by beating a death…roll on a drum among the dunes。

And with Count Anteoni and the priest she set another figure; that of
the sand…diviner; whose tortured face had suggested a man looking on a
fate that was terrible。 Had not he; too; warned her? Had not the
warning been threefold; been given to her by the world; the Church;
and the under…worldthe world beneath the veil?

She met Androvsky's eyes。 He was getting up to leave the room。 His
movement caught her away from things visionary; but not from worldly
things。 She still looked on herself moving amid these events at which
her world would laugh or wonder; and perhaps for the first time in her
life she was uneasily self…conscious because of the 
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