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changed； and this house might never be my settled home again。 My dear
little friend； the kitten； would certainly be changed： she was already
growing a fine cat； and when I returned； even for a hasty visit at Christmas；
would； most likely； have forgotten both her playmate and her merry pranks。
I had romped with her for the last time； and when I stroked her soft bright
fur； while she lay purring herself to sleep in my lap； it was with a feeling
of sadness I could not easily disguise。 Then at bed…time； when I retired
with Mary to our quiet little chamber； where already my drawers were
cleared out and my share of the bookcase was empty … and where；
hereafter； she would have to sleep alone； in dreary solitude； as she
expressed it … my heart sank more than ever： I felt as if I had been selfish
and wrong to persist in leaving her； and when I knelt once more beside our
little bed； I prayed for a blessing on her and on my parents more fervently
than ever I had done before。 To conceal my emotion； I buried my face in
my hands； and they were presently bathed in tears。 I perceived； on rising；
that she had been crying too： but neither of us spoke； and in silence we
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betook ourselves to our repose； creeping more closely together from the
consciousness that we were to part so soon。
But the morning brought a renewal of hope and spirits。 I was to
depart early； that the conveyance which took me （a gig； hired from Mr。
Smith； the draper； grocer； and tea…dealer of the village） might return the
same day。 I rose； washed； dressed； swallowed a hasty breakfast； received
the fond embraces of my father； mother； and sister； kissed the cat … to the
great scandal of Sally； the maid … shook hands with her； mounted the gig；
drew my veil over my face； and then； but not till then； burst into a flood of
tears。 The gig rolled on； I looked back； my dear mother and sister were
still standing at the door； looking after me； and waving their adieux。 I
returned their salute； and prayed God to bless them from my heart： we
descended the hill； and I could see them no more。
'It's a coldish mornin' for you； Miss Agnes；' observed Smith； 'and a
darksome 'un too； but we's happen get to yon spot afore there come much
rain to signify。'
'Yes； I hope so；' replied I； as calmly as I could。
'It's comed a good sup last night too。'
'Yes。'
'But this cold wind will happen keep it off。'
'Perhaps it will。'
Here ended our colloquy。 We crossed the valley； and began to ascend
the opposite hill。 As we were toiling up； I looked back again； there was
the village spire； and the old grey parsonage beyond it； basking in a
slanting beam of sunshine … it was but a sickly ray； but the village and
surrounding hills were all in sombre shade； and I hailed the wandering
beam as a propitious omen to my home。 With clasped hands I fervently
implored a blessing on its inhabitants； and hastily turned away； for I saw
the sunshine was departing； and I carefully avoided another glance； lest I
should see it in gloomy shadow； like the rest of the landscape。
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AGNES GREY
CHAPTER II … FIRST LESSONS
IN THE ART OF INSTRUCTION
AS we drove along； my spirits revived again； and I turned； with
pleasure； to the contemplation of the new life upon which I was entering。
But though it was not far past the middle of September； the heavy clouds
and strong north…easterly wind combined to render the day extremely cold
and dreary； and the journey seemed a very long one； for； as Smith
observed； the roads were 'very heavy'； and certainly； his horse was very
heavy too： it crawled up the hills； and crept down them； and only
condescended to shake its sides in a trot where the road was at a dead level
or a very gentle slope； which was rarely the case in those rugged regions；
so that it was nearly one o'clock before we reached the place of our
destination。 Yet； after all； when we entered the lofty iron gateway； when
we drove softly up the smooth； well…rolled carriage…road； with the green
lawn on each side； studded with young trees； and approached the new but
stately mansion of Wellwood； rising above its mushroom poplar…groves；
my heart failed me； and I wished it were a mile or two farther off。 For
the first time in my life I must stand alone： there was no retreating now。 I
must enter that house； and introduce myself among its strange inhabitants。
But how was it to be done？ True； I was near nineteen； but； thanks to my
retired life and the protecting care of my mother and sister； I well knew
that many a girl of fifteen； or under； was gifted with a more womanly
address； and greater ease and self…possession； than I was。 Yet； if Mrs。
Bloomfield were a kind； motherly woman； I might do very well； after all；
and the children； of course； I should soon be at ease with them … and Mr。
Bloomfield； I hoped； I should have but little to do with。
'Be calm； be calm； whatever happens；' I said within myself； and truly I
kept this resolution so well； and was so fully occupied in steadying my
nerves and stifling the rebellious flutter of my heart； that when I was
admitted into the hall and ushered into the presence of Mrs。 Bloomfield； I
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almost forgot to answer her polite salutation； and it afterwards struck me；
that the little I did say was spoken in the tone of one half…dead or half…
asleep。 The lady； too； was somewhat chilly in her manner； as I
discovered when I had time to reflect。 She was a tall； spare； stately
woman； with thick black hair； cold grey eyes； and extremely sallow
complexion。
With due politeness； however； she showed me my bedroom； and left
me there to take a little refreshment。 I was somewhat dismayed at my
appearance on looking in the glass： the cold wind had swelled and
reddened my hands； uncurled and entangled my hair； and dyed my face of
a pale purple； add to this my collar was horridly crumpled； my frock
splashed with mud； my feet clad in stout new boots； and as the trunks were
not brought up； there was no remedy； so having smoothed my hair as well
as I could； and repeatedly twitched my obdurate collar； I proceeded to
clomp down the two flights of stairs； philosophizing as I went； and with
some difficulty found my way into the room where Mrs。 Bloomfield
awaited me。
She led me into the dining…room； where the family luncheon had been
laid out。 Some beefsteaks and half…cold potatoes were set before me； and
while I dined upon these； she sat opposite； watching me （as I thought） and
endeavouring to sustain something like a conversation … consisting chiefly
of a succession of commonplace remarks； expressed with frigid formality：
but this might be more my fault than hers； for I really could NOT converse。
In fact； my attention was almost wholly absorbed in my dinner： not from
ravenous appetite； but from distress at the toughness of the beefsteaks； and
the numbness of my hands； almost palsied by their five…hours' exposure to
the bitter wind。 I would gladly have eaten the potatoes and let the meat
alone； but having got a large piece of the latter on to my plate； I could not
be so impolite as to leave it； so； after many awkward and unsuccessful
attempts to cut it with the knife； or tear it with the fork； or pull it asunder
between them； sensible that the awful lady was a spectator to the whole
transaction； I at last desperately grasped the knife and fork in my fists； like
a child of two years old； and fell to work with all the little strength I
possessed。 But this needed some apology … wit