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join us to our kindto all the strange lands and peoples we have never
seen。 We hope to know them to love and help themand to learn of
them。 Ah！ You cannot know！〃
Thousands of voices rose in the soaring climax of that great
Hymn of The Coming Life。 By the great Altar of Motherhood； with its
crown of fruit and flowers； stood a new one； crowned as well。 Before the
Great Over Mother of the Land and her ring of High Temple Counsellors；
before that vast multitude of calm… faced mothers and holy…eyed maidens；
came forward our own three chosen ones； and we； three men alone in all
that land； joined hands with them and made our marriage vows。
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CHAPTER 11
Our Difficulties
We say； 〃Marriage is a lottery〃； also 〃Marriages are made in Heaven〃
but this is not so widely accepted as the other。
We have a well…founded theory that it is best to marry 〃in one's
class；〃 and certain well…grounded suspicions of international marriages；
which seem to persist in the interests of social progress； rather than in
those of the contracting parties。
But no combination of alien races； of color； of caste； or creed；
was ever so basically difficult to establish as that between us； three
modern American men； and these three women of Herland。
It is all very well to say that we should have been frank about it
beforehand。 We had been frank。 We had discussedat least Ellador and
I hadthe conditions of The Great Adventure； and thought the path was
clear before us。 But there are some things one takes for granted；
supposes are mutually understood； and to which both parties may
repeatedly refer without ever meaning the same thing。
The differences in the education of the average man and woman
are great enough； but the trouble they make is not mostly for the man； he
generally carries out his own views of the case。 The woman may have
imagined the conditions of married life to be different； but what she
imagined； was ignorant of； or might have preferred； did not seriously
matter。
I can see clearly and speak calmly about this now； writing after a
lapse of years； years full of growth and education； but at the time it was
rather hard sledding for all of usespecially for Terry。 Poor Terry！ You
see； in any other imaginable marriage among the peoples of the earth；
whether the woman were black； red； yellow； brown； or white； whether she
were ignorant or educated； submissive or rebellious； she would have
behind her the marriage tradition of our general history。 This tradition
relates the woman to the man。 He goes on with his business； and she
adapts herself to him and to it。 Even in citizenship； by some strange
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hocus…pocus； that fact of birth and geography was waved aside； and the
woman automatically acquired the nationality of her husband。
Wellhere were we； three aliens in this land of women。 It was
small in area； and the external differences were not so great as to astound
us。 We did not yet appreciate the differences between the race…mind of
this people and ours。
In the first place； they were a 〃pure stock〃 of two thousand
uninterrupted years。 Where we have some long connected lines of
thought and feeling； together with a wide range of differences； often
irreconcilable； these people were smoothly and firmly agreed on most of
the basic principles of their life； and not only agreed in principle； but
accustomed for these sixty…odd generations to act on those principles。
This is one thing which we did not understandhad made no
allowance for。 When in our pre…marital discussions one of those dear
girls had said： 〃We understand it thus and thus；〃 or 〃We hold such and
such to be true；〃 we men； in our own deep…seated convictions of the power
of love； and our easy views about beliefs and principles； fondly imagined
that we could convince them otherwise。 What we imagined； before
marriage； did not matter any more than what an average innocent young
girl imagines。 We found the facts to be different。
It was not that they did not love us； they did； deeply and warmly。
But there are you againwhat they meant by 〃love〃 and what we meant by
〃love〃 were so different。
Perhaps it seems rather cold…blooded to say 〃we〃 and 〃they；〃 as
if we were not separate couples； with our separate joys and sorrows； but
our positions as aliens drove us together constantly。 The whole strange
experience had made our friendship more close and intimate than it would
ever have become in a free and easy lifetime among our own people。
Also； as men； with our masculine tradition of far more than two thousand
years； we were a unit； small but firm； against this far larger unit of
feminine tradition。
I think I can make clear the points of difference without a too
painful explicitness。 The more external disagreement was in the matter
of 〃the home；〃 and the housekeeping duties and pleasures we； by instinct
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and long education； supposed to be inherently appropriate to women。
I will give two illustrations； one away up； and the other away
down； to show how completely disappointed we were in this regard。
For the lower one； try to imagine a male ant； coming from some
state of existence where ants live in pairs； endeavoring to set up
housekeeping with a female ant from a highly developed anthill。 This
female ant might regard him with intense personal affection； but her ideas
of parentage and economic management would be on a very different scale
from his。 Now； of course； if she was a stray female in a country of
pairing ants； he might have had his way with her； but if he was a stray
male in an anthill！
For the higher one； try to imagine a devoted and impassioned
man trying to set up housekeeping with a lady angel； a real wings…and…
harp…and…halo angel； accustomed to fulfilling divine missions all over
interstellar space。 This angel might love the man with an affection quite
beyond his power of return or even of appreciation； but her ideas of
service and duty would be on a very different scale from his。 Of course；
if she was a stray angel in a country of men； he might have had his way
with her； but if he was a stray man among angels！
Terry； at his worst； in a black fury for which； as a man； I must
have some sympathy； preferred the ant simile。 More of Terry and his
special troubles later。 It was hard on Terry。
Jeffwell； Jeff always had a streak that was too good for this
world！ He's the kind that would have made a saintly priest in
parentagearlier times。 He accepted the angel theory； swallowed it whole；
tried to force it on uswith varying effect。 He so worshipped Celis； and
not only Celis； but what she represented； he had become so deeply
convinced of the almost supernatural advantages of this country and
people； that he took his medicine like aI cannot say 〃like a man；〃 but
more as if he wasn't one。
Don't misunderstand me for a moment。 Dear old Jeff was no
milksop or molly…coddle either。 He was a strong； brave； efficient man；
and an excellent fighter when fighting was necessary。 But there was