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The Diary of a Goose Girl
Bailiff's Daughter （politely）。〃I shouldn't think of suggesting anything
so extreme。〃
True Love （quoting）。〃'Mrs。 Hauksbee proceeded to take the conceit
out of Pluffles as you remove the ribs of an umbrella before re… covering。'
However； you couldn't ask me anything seriously that I wouldn't do； dear
Mistress Perversity。〃
Bailiff's Daughter （yielding a point）。〃I'll put that boldly to the proof。
Say you don't love me！〃
True Love （seizing his advantage）。〃I don't！ It's imbecile and
besotted devotion！ Tell me； when may I come to take you away？〃
Bailiff's Daughter （sighing）。〃It's like asking me to leave Heaven。〃
True Love。〃I know it； she told me where to find you；Thornycroft is
the seventh poultry…farm I've visited；but you could never leave Heaven；
you can't be happy without poultry； why that is a wish easily gratified。
I'll get you a farm to…morrow； no； it's Saturday； and the real estate offices
close at noon； but on Monday； without fail。 Your ducks and geese；
always carrying it along with you。 All you would have to do is to admit
me； Heaven is full of twos。 If you shall swim on a crystal lakePhoebe
told me what a genius you have for getting them out of the muddy pond；
she was sitting beside it when I called； her hand in that of a straw…
coloured person named Gladwish； and the ground in her vicinity
completely strewn with votive offerings。 You shall splash your silver sea
with an ivory wand； your hens shall have suburban cottages； each with its
garden； their perches shall be of satin… wood and their water dishes of
mother…of…pearl。 You shall be the Goose Girl and I will be the Swan
Herdsimply to be near youfor I hate live poultry。 Dost like the picture？
It's a little like Claude Melnotte's； I confess。 The fact is I am not quite
sane； talking with you after a fortnight of the tabbies at the Hydro is like
quaffing inebriating vodka after Miffin's Food！ May I come to…morrow？〃
Bailiffs Daughter （hedging）。〃I shall be rather busy； the Crossed
Minorca hen comes off to…morrow。〃
True Love。〃Oh； never mind！ I'll take her off to…night when I escort
you to the farm； then she'll get a day's advantage。〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃And rob fourteen prospective chicks of a mother；
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The Diary of a Goose Girl
nay； lose the chicks themselves？ Never！〃
True Love。〃So long as you are a Goose Girl； does it make any
difference whose you are？ Is it any more agreeable to be Mrs。 Heaven's
Goose Girl than mine？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃Ah！ but in one case the term of service is limited；
in the other； permanent。〃
True Love。〃But in the one case you are the slave of the employer； in
the other the employer of the slave。 Why did you run away？〃
Bailiff's Daughter。〃A man's mind is too dull an instrument to
measure a woman's reason； even my own fails sometimes to deal with all
its delicate shades； but I think I must have run away chiefly to taste the
pleasure of being pursued and brought back。 If it is necessary to your
happiness that you should explore all the Bluebeard chambers of my being；
I will confess further that it has taken you nearly three weeks to
accomplish what I supposed you would do in three days！〃
True Love （after a well…spent interval）。〃To…morrow； then； shall we
say before breakfast？ All； do！ Why not？ Well； then； immediately
after breakfast； and I breakfast at seven nowadays； and sometimes earlier。
Do take off those ugly cotton gloves； dear； they are five sizes too large for
you； and so rough and baggy to the touch！〃
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