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compared to that of a man condemned to death who has suddenly been
pardoned。 Halfway down the staircase he was overtaken by the priest on
his way home； Raskolnikov let him pass； exchanging a silent greeting
with him。 He was just descending the last steps when he heard rapid
footsteps behind him。 Some one overtook him； it was Polenka。 She was
running after him； calling 〃Wait！ wait！〃
He turned round。 She was at the bottom of the staircase and
stopped short a step above him。 A dim light came in from the yard。
Raskolnikov could distinguish the child's thin but pretty little face；
looking at him with a bright childish smile。 She had run after him
with a message which she was evidently glad to give。
〃Tell me； what is your name？。。。 and where do you live？〃 she said
hurriedly in a breathless voice。
He laid both hands on her shoulders and looked at her with a sort of
rapture。 It was such a joy to him to look at her； he could not have
said why。
〃Who sent you？〃
〃Sister Sonia sent me；〃 answered the girl； smiling still more
brightly。
〃I knew it was sister Sonia sent you。〃
〃Mamma sent me； too。。。 when sister Sonia was sending me； mamma
came up； too； and said 'Run fast； Polenka。'〃
〃Do you love sister Sonia？〃
〃I love her more than any one；〃 Polenka answered with a peculiar
earnestness； and her smile became graver。
〃And will you love me？〃
By way of answer he saw the little girl's face approaching him；
her full lips naively held out to kiss him。 Suddenly her arms as
thin as sticks held him tightly； her head rested on his shoulder and
the little girl wept softly； pressing her face against him。
〃I am sorry for father；〃 she said a moment later； raising her
tear…stained face and brushing away the tears with her hands。 〃It's
nothing but misfortunes now；〃 she added suddenly with that
peculiarly sedate air which children try hard to assume when they want
to speak like grown…up people。
〃Did your father love you？〃
〃He loved Lida most；〃 she went on very seriously without a smile；
exactly like grown…up people； 〃he loved her because she is little
and because she is ill； too。 And he always used to bring her presents。
But he taught us to read and me grammar and scripture； too；〃 she added
with dignity。 〃And mother never used to say anything； but we knew that
she liked it and father knew it； too。 And mother wants to teach me
French； for it's time my education began。〃
〃And do you know your prayers？〃
〃Of course； we do！ We knew them long ago。 I say my prayers to myself
as I am a big girl now； but Kolya and Lida say them aloud with mother。
First they repeat the 'Ave Maria' and then another prayer： 'Lord；
forgive and bless Sister Sonia；' and then another； 'Lord； forgive
and bless our second father。' For our elder father is dead and this is
another one； but we do pray for the other as well。〃
〃Polenka； my name is Rodion。 Pray sometimes for me； too。 'And Thy
servant Rodion；' nothing more。〃
〃I'll pray for you all the rest of my life；〃 the little girl
declared hotly； and suddenly smiling again she rushed at him and
hugged him warmly once more。
Raskolnikov told her his name and address and promised to be sure to
come next day。 The child went away quite enchanted with him。 It was
past ten when he came out into the street。 In five minutes he was
standing on the bridge at the spot where the woman had jumped in。
〃Enough；〃 he pronounced resolutely and triumphantly。 〃I've done with
fancies； imaginary terrors and phantoms！ Life is real！ haven't I lived
just now？ My life has not yet died with that old woman！ The Kingdom of
Heaven to her… and now enough； madam； leave me in peace！ Now for the
reign of reason and light。。。 and of will； and of strength。。。 and now
we will see！ We will try our strength！〃 he added defiantly； as
though challenging some power of darkness。 〃And I was ready to consent
to live in a square of space！
〃I am very weak at this moment； but。。。 I believe my illness is all
over。 I knew it would be over when I went out。 By the way；
Potchinkov's house is only a few steps away。 I certainly must go to
Razumihin even if it were not close by。。。 let him win his bet！ Let
us give him some satisfaction； too… no matter！ Strength； strength is
what one wants； you can get nothing without it； and strength must be
won by strength… that's what they don't know；〃 he added proudly and
self…confidently and he walked with flagging footsteps from the
bridge。 Pride and self…confidence grew continually stronger in him； he
was becoming a different man every moment。 What was it had happened to
work this revolution in him？ He did not know himself； like a man
catching at a straw； he suddenly felt that he； too； 'could live；
that there was still life for him； that his life had not died with the
old woman。' Perhaps he was in too great a hurry with his conclusion；
but he did not think of that。
〃But I did ask her to remember 'Thy servant Rodion' in her prayers；〃
the idea struck him。 〃Well； that was。。。 in case of emergency；〃 he
added and laughed himself at his boyish sally。 He was in the best of
spirits。
He easily found Razumihin； the new lodger was already known at
Potchinkov's and the porter at once showed him the way。 Half…way
upstairs he could hear the noise and animated conversation of a big
gathering of people。 The door was wide open on the stairs； he could
hear exclamations and discussion。 Razumihin's room was fairly large；
the company consisted of fifteen people。 Raskolnikov stopped in the
entry； where two of the landlady's servants were busy behind a
screen with two samovars； bottles； plates and dishes of pie and
savouries； brought up from the landlady's kitchen。 Raskolnikov sent in
for Razumihin。 He ran out delighted。 At the first glance it was
apparent that he had had a great deal to drink and； though no amount
of liquor made Razumihin quite drunk； this time he was perceptibly
affected by it。
〃Listen；〃 Raskolnikov hastened to say； 〃I've only just come to
tell you you've won your bet and that no one really knows what may not
happen to him。 I can't come in； I am so weak that I shall fall down
directly。 And so good evening and good…bye！ Come and see me
to…morrow。〃
〃Do you know what？ I'll see you home。 If you say you're weak
yourself； you must。。。〃
〃And your visitors？ Who is the curly…headed one who has just
peeped out？〃
〃He？ Goodness only knows！ Some friend of uncle's I expect； or
perhaps he has come without being invited。。。 I'll leave uncle with
them； he is an invaluable person； pity I can't introduce you to him
now。 But confound them all now！ They won't notice me； and I need a
little fresh air； for you've come just in the nick of time… another
two minutes and I should have come to blows！ They are talking such a
lot of wild stuff。。。 you simply can't imagine what men will say！
Though why shouldn't you imagine？ Don't we talk nonsense ourselves？
And let them。。。 that's the way to learn not to！。。。 Wait a minute； I'll
fetch Zossimov。〃
Zossimov pounced upon Raskolnikov almost greedily； he showed a
special interest in him； soon his