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words； 〃You may count on my staying here till further notice。〃
He gave one deep gasp of relief； and instantly busied
himselfthough there were nearly two hours to spare before the
train started for Londonin packing his bag。 The last thing he
put in was his blue satin cravat。 〃She likes bright colors；〃 he
said； 〃and she may see me in it yet！〃
CHAPTER XIV。
MISS GWILT'S DIARY。
〃All Saints' Terrace； New Road； London； July 28th； Monday
night。I can hardly hold my head up； I am so tired。 But in my
situation； I dare not trust anything to memory。 Before I go to
bed； I must write my customary record of the events of the day。
〃So far； the turn of luck in my favor （it was long enough before
it took the turn！） seems likely to continue。 I succeeded in
forcing Armadalethe brute required nothing short of
forcing！to leave Thorpe Ambrose for London； alone in the same
carriage with me； before all the people in the station。 There was
a full attendance of dealers in small scandal； all staring hard
at us； and all evidently drawing their own conclusions。 Either I
knew nothing of Thorpe Ambroseor the town gossip is busy enough
by this time with Mr。 Armadale and Miss Gwilt。
〃I had some difficulty with him for the first half…hour after we
left the station。 The guard （delightful man！ I felt so grateful
to him！） had shut us up together； in expectation of half a crown
at the end of the journey。 Armadale was suspicious of me； and he
showed it plainly。 Little by little I tamed my wild beastpartly
by taking care to display no curiosity about his journey to town；
and partly by interesting him on the subject of his friend
Midwinter； dwelling especially on the opportunity that now
offered itself for a reconciliation between them。 I kept harping
on this string till I set his tongue going； and made him amuse me
as a gentleman is bound to do when he has the honor of escorting
a lady on a long railway journey。
〃What little mind he has was full； of course； of his own affairs
and Miss Milroy's。 No words can express the clumsiness he showed
in trying to talk about himself； without taking me into his
confidence or mentioning Miss Milroy's name。
〃He was going to London； he gravely informed me； on a matter of
indescribable interest to him。 It was a secret for the present；
but he hoped to tell it me soon； it had made a great difference
already in the way in which he looked at the sl anders spoken of
him in Thorpe Ambrose； he was too happy to care what the
scandal…mongers said of him now； and he should soon stop their
mouths by appearing in a new character that would surprise them
all。 So he blundered on； with the firm persuasion that he was
keeping me quite in the dark。 It was hard not to laugh； when I
thought of my anonymous letter on its way to the major； but I
managed to control myselfthough； I must own； with some
difficulty。 As the time wore on； I began to feel a terrible
excitement； the position was； I think； a little too much for me。
There I was； alone with him； talking in the most innocent； easy；
familiar manner； and having it in my mind all the time to brush
his life out of my way； when the moment comes； as I might brush a
stain off my gown。 It made my blood leap； and my checks flush。 I
caught myself laughing once or twice much louder than I ought；
and long before we got to London I thought it desirable to put my
face in hiding by pulling down my veil。
〃There was no difficulty； on reaching the terminus； in getting
him to come in the cab with me to the hotel where Midwinter is
staying。 He was all eagerness to be reconciled with his dear
friendprincipally； I have no doubt； because he wants the dear
friend to lend a helping hand to the elopement。 The real
difficulty lay； of course； with Midwinter。 My sudden journey to
London had allowed me no opportunity of writing to combat his
superstitious conviction that he and his former friend are better
apart。 I thought it wise to leave Armadale in the cab at the
door； and to go into the hotel by myself to pave the way for him。
〃Fortunately； Midwinter had not gone out。 His delight at seeing
me some days sooner than he had hoped had something infectious in
it； I suppose。 Pooh！ I may own the truth to my own diary！ There
was a moment when _I_ forgot everything in the world but our two
selves as completely as he did。 I felt as if I was back in my
teensuntil I remembered the lout in the cab at the door。 And
then I was five…and…thirty again in an instant。
〃His face altered when he heard who was below； and what it was I
wanted of him； he looked not angry； but distressed。 He yielded；
however； before long； not to my reasons； for I gave him none； but
to my entreaties。 His old fondness for his friend might possibly
have had some share in persuading him against his will； but my
own opinion is that he acted entirely under the influence of his
fondness for Me。
〃I waited in the sitting…room while he went down to the door； so
I knew nothing of what passed between them when they first saw
each other again。 But oh； the difference between the two men when
the interval had passed； and they came upstairs together and
joined me。
〃They were both agitated； but in such different ways！ The hateful
Armadale； so loud and red and clumsy； the dear； lovable
Midwinter； so pale and quiet； with such a gentleness in his voice
when he spoke； and such tenderness in his eyes every time they
turned my way。 Armadale overlooked me as completely as if I had
not been in the room。 _He_ referred to me over and over again in
the conversation； _he_ constantly looked at me to see what I
thought； while I sat in my corner silently watching them； _he_
wanted to go with me and see me safe to my lodgings； and spare me
all trouble with the cabman and the luggage。 When I thanked him
and declined； Armadale looked unaffectedly relieved at the
prospect of seeing my back turned； and of having his friend all
to himself。 I left him； with his awkward elbows half over the
table； scrawling a letter （no doubt to Miss Milroy）； and shouting
to the waiter that he wanted a bed at the hotel。 I had calculated
on his staying； as a matter of course； where he found his friend
staying。 It was pleasant to find my anticipations realized； and
to know that I have as good as got him now under my own eye。
〃After promising to let Midwinter know where he could see me
to…morrow； I went away in the cab to hunt for lodgings by myself。
〃With some difficulty I have succeeded in getting an endurable
sitting…room and bedroom in this house； where the people are
perfect strangers to me。 Having paid a week's rent in advance
（for I naturally preferred dispensing with a reference）； I find
myself with exactly three shillings and ninepence left in my
purse。 It is impossible to ask Midwinter for money； after he has
already paid Mrs。 Oldershaw's note of hand。 I must borrow
something to…morrow on my watch and chain at the pawnbroker's。
Enough to keep me going for a fortnight is all； and more than
all； that I want。 In that time； or in less than that time；
Midwinter will have married me。
〃July 29th。Two o'clock。Early in the morning I sent a line to
Midwinter； telling him that he would find me here at three this
afternoon。 That done； I devoted the morning to two errands of my
own。 One is hardly worth mentioningit was only to raise money
on my watch and chain。 I got more than I expected； and more （even
supposing I buy myself one or two little things in the way of
cheap summer dress） than I am at all likely to spend before the
wedding…day。
〃The other errand was of a far more serious kind。 It led me into
an attorney's office。
〃I was well aware last night （though I was too weary to put it
down in my diary）； that I could not possibly see Midwinter this
morningin the position he now occupies toward mewithout at
least _appearing_ to take him into my confidence on the subject
of myself and my circumstances。 Excepting one necessary
consideration which I must be careful not to overlook。 there is
not the least difficulty in my drawing on my invention； and
telling him any story I pleasefor thus far I have told no story
to anybody。 Midwinter went away to London before it was possible
to approach the subject。 As to the Milroys （having provided them
with the customary reference）； I could fortunately keep them at
arms…length on all questions relating purely to myself。 And
lastly； when I affected my reconciliation with Armadale on the
drive in front of the house； he was fool enough to be too
generous to let me defend my character。 When I had expressed my
regret for having lost my temper and threatened Miss Milroy； and
when I had accepted his assurance that my pupil had never done or
meant to do me any injury； he was too magnanimous to hear a word
on the subject of my private affairs。 Thus I am quite unfettered
by any former assertions of my own； and I may tell any story I
pleasewith the one drawback hinted at already in the shape of a
restraint。 Whatever I may invent in the way of pure fiction； I
must preserve the character in which I have appeared at Thorpe
Ambrose； for； with the notoriety that is attached to _my other
name；_ I have no other choice but to marry Midwinter