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openings are forced into the guarded circle where Fortune sits
dealing favours round。 My perseverance made me known； my
importunity made me remarked。 I was inquired about； my former
pupils’ parents； gathering the reports of their children； heard me
spoken of as talented； and they echoed the word： the sound；
bandied about at random； came at last to ears which； but for its
universality； it might never have reached； and at the very crisis
when I had tried my last effort and knew not what to do； Fortune
looked in at me one morning； as I sat in drear and almost
desperate deliberation on my bedstead； nodded with the
familiarity of an old acquaintance—though God knows I had never
met her before—and threw a prize into my lap。
In the second week of October； 18—； I got the appointment of
English professor to all the classes of — College； Brussels； with a
salary of three thousand francs per annum； and the certainty of
being able； by dint of the reputation and publicity accompanying
the position； to make as much more by private means。 The official
notice； which communicated this information； mentioned also that
it was the strong recommendation of M。 Vandenhuten； négociant；
which had turned the scale of choice in my favour。
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No sooner had I read the announcement than I hurried to M。
Vandenhuten’s bureau； pushed the document under his nose； and
when he had perused it； took both his hands； and thanked him
with unrestrained vivacity。 My vivid words and emphatic gesture
moved his Dutch calm to unwonted sensation。 He said he was
happy—glad to have served me； but he had done nothing meriting
such thanks。 He had not laid out a centime—only scratched a few
words on a sheet of paper。
Again I repeated to him—
“You have made me quite happy； and in a way that suits me； I
do not feel an obligation irksome； conferred by your kind hand； I
do not feel disposed to shun you because you have done me a
favour； from this day you must consent to admit me to your
intimate acquaintance； for I shall hereafter recur again and again
to the pleasure of your society。”
“Ainsi soit…il；” was the reply； accompanied by a smile of
benignant content。 I went away with its sunshine in my heart。
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Chapter XXIII
t was two o’clock when I returned to my lodgings； my dinner；
just brought in from a neighbouring hotel； smoked on the
I
table； I sat down thinking to eat—had the plate been heaped
with potsherds and broken glass； instead of boiled beef and
haricots； I could not have made a more signal failure： appetite had
forsaken me。 Impatient of seeing food which I could not taste； I
put it all aside into a cupboard； and then demanded； “What shall I
do till evening？” for before six P。M。 it would be vain to seek the
Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges； its inhabitant （for me it had but one）
was detained by her vocation elsewhere。 I walked in the streets of
Brussels； and I walked in my own room from two o’clock till six；
never once in that space of time did I sit down。 I was in my
chamber when the last…named hour struck； I had just bathed my
face and feverish hands； and was standing near the glass； my
cheek was crimson； my eye was flame； still all my features looked
quite settled and calm。 Descending swiftly the stair and stepping
out； I was glad to see Twilight drawing on in clouds； such shade
was to me like a grateful screen； and the chill of latter Autumn；
breathing in a fitful wind from the north…west； met me as a
refreshing coolness。 Still I saw it was cold to others； for the women
I passed were wrapped in shawls； and the men had their coats
buttoned close。
When are we quite happy？ Was I so then？ No； an urgent and
growing dread worried my nerves； and had worried them since the
first moment good tidings had reached me。 How was Frances？ It
was ten weeks since I had seen her； six since I had heard from her；
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or of her。 I had answered her letter by a brief note； friendly but
calm； in which no mention of continued correspondence or further
visits was made。 At that hour my bark hung on the topmost curl of
a wave of fate； and I knew not on what shoal the onward rush of
the billow might hurl it； I would not then attach her destiny to
mine by the slightest thread； if doomed to split on the rock； or run
a aground on the sand…bank； I was resolved no other vessel should
share my disaster： but six weeks was a long time； and could it be
that she was still well and doing well？ Were not all sages agreed in
declaring that happiness finds no climax on earth？ Dared I think
that but half a street now divided me from the full cup of
contentment—the draught drawn from waters said to flow only in
heaven？
I was at the door； I entered the quiet house； I mounted the
stairs； the lobby was void and still； all the doors closed； I looked for
the neat green mat； it lay duly in its place。
“Signal of hope！” I said； and advanced。 “But I will be a little
calmer； I am not going to rush in； and get up a scene directly。”
Forcibly staying my eager step； I paused on the mat。
“What an absolute hush！ Is she in？ Is anybody in？” I demanded
to myself。 A little tinkle； as of cinders falling from a grate； replied；
a movement—a fire was gently stirred； and the slight rustle of life
continuing； a step paced equably backwards and forwards；
backwards and forwards； in the apartment。 Fascinated； I stood；
more fixedly fascinated when a voice rewarded the attention of my
strained ear—so low； so self…addressed； I never fancied the
speaker otherwise than alone； solitude might speak thus in a
desert； or in the hall of a forsaken house。
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“‘And ne’er but once； my son；’ he said；
‘Was yon dark cavern trod；
In persecution’s iron days；
When the land was left by God。
From Bewley’s bog； with slaughter red；
A wanderer hither drew；
And oft he stopp’d and turn’d his head；
As by fits the night…winds blew。
For trampling round by Cheviot…edge
Were heard the troopers keen；
And frequent from the Whitelaw ridge
The death…shot flash’d between；’” &c。 &c。
The old Scotch ballad was partly recited； then dropt； a pause
ensued； then another strain followed； in French； of which the
purport； translated； ran as follows：—
“I gave； at first； attention close；
Then interest warm ensued；
From interest； as improvement rose；
Succeeded gratitude。
Obedience was no effort soon；
And labour was no pain；
If tired； a word； a glance alone
Would give me strength again。
From others of the studious band；
Ere long he singled me；
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But only by more close demand；
And sterner urgency。
The task he from another took；
From me he did reject；
He would no slight omission brook；