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The Professor 231
this very evening； and spoken out the words which； repressed；
kept fretting my heart with fever； our united income would； as we
should have managed it； have sufficed well for our mutual
support； since we lived in a country where economy was not
confounded with meanness； where frugality in dress； food； and
furniture； was not synonymous with vulgarity in these various
points。 But the placeless usher； bare of resource； and unsupported
by connections； must not think of this； such a sentiment as love；
such a word as marriage； were misplaced in his heart； and on his
lips。 Now for the first time did I truly feel what it was to be poor；
now did the sacrifice I had made in casting from me the means of
living put on a new aspect； instead of a correct； just； honourable
act； it seemed a deed at once light and fanatical； I took several
turns in my room； under the goading influence of most poignant
remorse； I walked a quarter of an hour from the wall to the
window； and at the window； self…reproach seemed to face me； at
the wall； self…disdain： all at once out spoke Conscience：—
“Down； stupid tormenters！” cried she； “the man has done his
duty； you shall not bait him thus by thoughts of what might have
been； he relinquished a temporary and contingent good to avoid a
permanent and certain evil he did well。 Let him reflect now； and
when your blinding dust and deafening hum subside； he will
discover a path。”
I sat down； I propped my forehead on both my hands； I thought
and thought an hour…two hours； vainly。 I seemed like one sealed in
a subterranean vault； who gazes at utter blackness； at blackness
ensured by yard…thick stone walls around； and by piles of building
above； expecting light to penetrate through granite； and through
cement firm as granite。 But there are chinks； or there may be
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chinks； in the best adjusted masonry； there was a chink in my
cavernous cell； for； eventually； I saw； or seemed to see； a ray—
pallid； indeed； and cold； and doubtful； but still a ray； for it showed
that narrow path which conscience had promised after two； three
hours’ torturing research in brain and memory； I disinterred
certain remains of circumstances； and conceived a hope that by
putting them together an expedient might be framed； and a
resource discovered。 The circumstances were briefly these ：—
Some three months ago M。 Pelet had； on the occasion of his
fête； given the boys a treat； which treat consisted in a party of
pleasure to a certain place of public resort in the outskirts of
Brussels； of which I do not at this moment remember the name；
but near it were several of those lakelets called étangs； and there
was one étang； larger than the rest； where on holidays people were
accustomed to amuse themselves by rowing round it in little boats。
The boys having eaten an unlimited quantity of “gaufres；” and
drank several bottles of Louvain beer； amid the shades of a garden
made and provided for such crams； petitioned the director for
leave to take a row on the étang。 Half a dozen of the eldest
succeeded in obtaining leave； and I was commissioned to
accompany them as surveillant。 Among the half dozen happened
to be a certain Jean Baptiste Vandenhuten； a most ponderous
young Flamand； not tall； but even now； at the early age of sixteen；
possessing a breadth and depth of personal development truly
national。 It chanced that Jean was the first lad to step into the
boat； he stumbled； rolled to one side； the boat revolted at his
weight and capsized。 Vandenhuten sank like lead； rose； sank
again。 My coat and waistcoat were off in an instant； I had not been
brought up at Eton and boated and bathed and swam there ten
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The Professor 233
long years for nothing； it was a natural and easy act for me to leap
to the rescue。 The lads and the boatmen yelled； they thought there
would be two deaths by drowning instead of one； but as Jean rose
the third time； I clutched him by one leg and the collar； and in
three minutes more both he and I were safe landed。 To speak
heaven’s truth； my merit in the action was small indeed； for I had
run no risk； and subsequently did not even catch cold from the
wetting； but when M。 and Madame Vandenhuten； of whom Jean
Baptiste was the sole hope； came to hear of the exploit； they
seemed to think I had evinced a bravery and devotion which no
thanks could sufficiently repay。 Madame； in particular； was
“certain I must have dearly loved their sweet son； or I would not
thus have hazarded my own life to save his。” Monsieur； an honest…
looking； though phlegmatic man； said very little； but he would not
suffer me to leave the room； till I had promised that in case I ever
stood in need of help I would； by applying to him； give him a
chance of discharging the obligation under which he affirmed I
had laid him。 These words； then； were my glimmer of light； it was
here I found my sole outlet； and in truth； though the cold light
roused； it did not cheer me； nor did the outlet seem such as I
should like to pass through。 Right I had none to M。 Vandenhuten’s
good offices； it was not on the ground of merit I could apply to
him； no； I must stand on that of necessity： I had no work； I wanted
work； my best chance of obtaining it lay in securing his
recommendation。 This I knew could be had by asking for it； not to
ask； because the request revolted my pride and contradicted my
habits； would； I felt； be an indulgence of false and indolent
fastidiousness。 I might repent the omission all my life； I would not
then be guilty of it。
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That evening I went to M。 Vandenhuten’s； but I had bent the
bow and adjusted the shaft in vain； the string broke。 I rang the bell
at the great door （it was a large； handsome house in an expensive
part of the town）； a manservant opened； I asked for M。
Vandenhuten； M。 Vandenhuten and family were all out of town—
gone to Ostend—did not know when they would be back。 I left my
card； and retraced my steps。
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Chapter XXII
week is gone； le jour des noces arrived； the marriage was
Asolemnized at St。 Jacques； Mdlle Zoraide became
Madame Pelet； née Reuter； and； in about an hour after
this transformation； “the happy pair；” as newspapers phrase it；
were on their way to Paris； where； according to previous
arrangement； the honeymoon was to be spent。 The next day I
quitted the pensionnat。 Myself and my chattels （some books and
clothes） were soon transferred to a modest lodging I had hired in a
street not far off。 In half an hour my clothes were arranged in a
commode； my books on a shelf； and the “flitting” was effected。