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watched the face of the dying one。 She wore a rich peignoir； and her
blond hair was half covered by a lace cap： in her attire she was； as
always； an elegant woman； fit to figure in a picture of modern aristocratic
life： but I asked myself how that face of hers could ever have seemed to
me the face of a woman born of woman； with memories of childhood；
capable of pain； needing to be fondled？ The features at that moment
seemed so preternaturally sharp； the eyes were so hard and eagershe
looked like a cruel immortal； finding her spiritual feast in the agonies of a
dying race。 For across those hard features there came something like a
flash when the last hour had been breathed out； and we all felt that the
dark veil had pletely fallen。 What secret was there between Bertha
and this woman？ I turned my eyes from her with a horrible dread lest my
insight should return； and I should be obliged to see what had been
breeding about two unloving women's hearts。 I felt that Bertha had been
watching for the moment of death as the sealing of her secret： I thanked
Heaven it could remain sealed for me。
Meunier said quietly； 〃She is gone。〃 He then gave his arm to Bertha；
and she submitted to be led out of the room。
I suppose it was at her order that two female attendants came into the
room； and dismissed the younger one who had been present before。
When they entered； Meunier had already opened the artery in the long thin
neck that lay rigid on the pillow； and I dismissed them； ordering them to
remain at a distance till we rang： the doctor； I said； had an operation to
performhe was not sure about the death。 For the next twenty minutes I
forgot everything but Meunier and the experiment in which he was so
absorbed； that I think his senses would have been closed against all sounds
or sights which had no relation to it。 It was my task at first to keep up the
artificial respiration in the body after the transfusion had been effected； but
presently Meunier relieved me； and I could see the wondrous slow return
of life； the breast began to heave； the inspirations became stronger； the
eyelids quivered； and the soul seemed to have returned beneath them。
The artificial respiration was withdrawn： still the breathing continued；
and there was a movement of the lips。
Just then I heard the handle of the door moving： I suppose Bertha
had heard from the women that they had been dismissed： probably a
vague fear had arisen in her mind； for she entered with a look of alarm。
She came to the foot of the bed and gave a stifled cry。
The dead woman's eyes were wide open； and met hers in full
recognitionthe recognition of hate。 With a sudden strong effort； the
hand that Bertha had thought for ever still was pointed towards her； and
the haggard face moved。 The gasping eager voice said
〃You mean to poison your husband 。 。 。 the poison is in the black
cabinet 。 。 。 I got it for you 。 。 。 you laughed at me； and told lies about me
behind my back； to make me disgusting 。 。 。 because you were jealous 。 。 。
are you sorry 。 。 。 now？〃
The lips continued to murmur； but the sounds were no longer distinct。
Soon there was no soundonly a slight movement： the flame had leaped
out； and was being extinguished the faster。 The wretched woman's heart…
strings had been set to hatred and vengeance； the spirit of life had swept
the chords for an instant； and was gone again for ever。 Great God！ Is
this what it is to live again 。 。 。 to wake up with our unstilled thirst upon us；
with our unuttered curses rising to our lips； with our muscles ready to act
out their half…mitted sins？
Bertha stood pale at the foot of the bed； quivering and helpless；
despairing of devices； like a cunning animal whose hiding…places are
surrounded by swift…advancing flame。 Even Meunier looked paralysed；
life for that moment ceased to be a scientific problem to him。 As for me；
this scene seemed of one texture with the rest of my existence： horror
was my familiar； and this new revelation was only like an old pain
recurring with new circumstances。
* * *
Since then Bertha and I have lived apartshe in her own
neighbourhood； the mistress of half our wealth； I as a wanderer in foreign
countries； until I came to this Devonshire nest to die。 Bertha lives pitied
and admired； for what had I against that charming woman； whom every
one but myself could have been happy with？ There had been no witness
of the scene in the dying room except Meunier； and while Meunier lived
his lips were sealed by a promise to me。
Once or twice； weary of wandering； I rested in a favourite spot； and
my heart went out towards the men and women and children whose faces
were being familiar to me； but I was driven away again in terror at the
approach of my old insightdriven away to live continually with the one
Unknown Presence revealed and yet hidden by the moving curtain of the
earth and sky。 Till at last disease took hold of me and forced me to rest
hereforced me to live in dependence on my servants。 And then the
curse of insightof my double consciousness； came again； and has never
left me。 I know all their narrow thoughts； their feeble regard； their half…
wearied pity。
* * *
It is the 20th of September； 1850。 I know these figures I have just
written； as if they were a long familiar inscription。 I have seen them on
this pace in my desk unnumbered times； when the scene of my dying
struggle has opened upon me 。 。 。
（1859）