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prostrate on the ground； kissed the Abbot's sandals。 For they knew already
what the saint had accomplished in Alexandria。 The monks generally
received； by rapid and unknown means； information concerning the safety
or glory of the Church。 News spread through the desert with the rapidity of
the simoon。
When Paphnutius strode across the sand； his disciples followed him；
praising the Lord。 Flavian； who was the oldest member of the brotherhood；
was suddenly seized with a pious frenzy and began to sing an inspired
hymn
〃O blessed day！ Now is our father restored to us。 He has returned
laden with fresh merits； of which we reap the benefit。 For the virtues of
the father are the wealth of the children； and the sanctity of the
Abbot illuminates every cell。 Paphnutius； our father； has given a new
spouse to Jesus Christ。 By his wondrous art； he has changed a black
sheep into a white sheep。 And now； behold； he has returned to us； laden
with fresh merits。 Like unto the bee of the Arsinoetid； heavy with the
nectar of flowers。 Even as the ram of Nubia； which could hardly bear
the weight of its abundant wool。 Let us celebrate this day by
mingling oil with our food。〃
When they came to the door of the Abbot's cell； they fell on their knees；
and said
〃Let our father bless us； and give each of us a measure of oil to
celebrate his return。〃
Paul the Fool； who alone had remained standing； asked； 〃Who is this
man？〃 and did not recognise Paphnutius。 But no one paid any attention to
what he said； as he was known to be devoid of intelligence； though filled
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with piety。
The Abbot of Antinoe； locked in his cell； thought
〃I have at last regained the haven of my repose and happiness。 I have
returned to my fortress of contentment。 But how is it that this roof of
rushes； so dear to me； does not receive me as a friend； and the walls say
not to me； 'Thou art welcome。' Nothing has changed； since my departure；
in this abode I have chosen。 There is my table and my bed。 There is the
mummy's head which has so often inspired me with salutary thoughts； and
there is the book in which I have so often sought conceptions of God。 And
yet nothing that I left is here。 The things appear grievously despoiled of
their customary charm； and it seems to me as though I saw them to…day for
the first time。 When I look at that table and couch； that in former days I
made with my own hands； that black； dried head； these rolls of papyrus
filled with the sayings of God； I seem to see the belongings of a dead man。
After having known them all so well； I know them no longer。 Alas！ since
nothing around me has really changed； it is I who am no longer what I was。
I am another。 I am the dead man！ What has happened； my God？ What has
been taken from me？ What is left unto me？ And who am I？〃
And it especially perplexed him to find； in spite of himself； that his
cell was small； whereas； when viewed by the eye of faith； he ought to
consider it immense； because the infinitude of God began there。
He began to pray； with his face against the ground； and felt a little
happier。 He had hardly been an hour in prayer； when a vision of Thais
passed before his eyes。 He returned thanks to God
〃Jesus！ it is Thou who hast sent her。 I acknowledge in that Thy
wonderful goodness； Thou wouldst please me； reassure me and comfort
me by the sight of her whom I have given to Thee。 Thou； presentest her to
my eyes with her smile now disarmed； her grace； now become innocent；
her beauty from which I have extracted the sting。 To please me； my God；
thou showest her to me as I have prepared and purified her for Thy designs；
as one friend pleasantly reminds another of the rich gift he has received
from him。 Therefore I see this woman with delight； being assured that the
vision comes from Thee。 Thou dost not forget that I have given her to
Thee； Jesus。 Keep her； since she pleases Thee； and suffer not her beauty to
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give joy to any but Thyself。〃
He could not sleep all night； and he saw Thais more distinctly than he
had seen her in the Grotto of Nymphs。 He commended himself； saying
〃What I have done； I have done to the glory of God。〃
Yet； to his great surprise； his heart was not at ease。 He sighed。
〃Why art thou sad； O my soul； and why dost thou trouble me？〃
And his mind was still perturbed。 Thirty days he remained in that
condition of sadness which precedes the sore trials of a solitary monk。 The
image of Thais never left him day or night。 He did not try to banish it；
because he still thought it came from God； and was the image of a saint。
But one morning she visited him in a dream； her hair crowned with violets；
and her very gentleness seemed so formidable； that he uttered a cry of
fright； and woke in an icy sweat。 His eyes were still heavy with sleep；
when he felt a moist warm breath on his face。 A little jackal； its two paws
placed on the side of the bed； was panting its stinking breath in his face；
and grinning at him。
Paphnutius was greatly astonished； and it seemed to him as though a
tower had given way under his feet。 And； in fact； he had fallen； for his
self…confidence had gone。 For some time he was incapable of thought and
when he did recover himself； his meditations only increased his perplexity。
〃It is one of two things；〃 he said to himself； 〃either this vision； like the
preceding ones； came from God； and was a good vision； and it is my
natural perversity which has misrepresented it； as wine turns sour in a
dirty cup。 I have； by my unworthiness； changed instruction into reproach；
of which this diabolical jackal immediately took advantage。 Or else this
vision came； not from God； but； on the contrary； from the devil； and was
evil。 In that case I should doubt whether the former ones had； as I thought；
a celestial origin。 I am therefore incapable of that discernment which is
necessary for the ascetic。 In either case it is plain that God is no longer
with me；of which I feel the effects； though I cannot explain the cause。〃
He reasoned in this way； and anxiously asked
〃Just God； what trials dost Thou appoint for Thy servants if the
apparitions of Thy saints are a danger for them？ Give me to discern； by an
intelligible sign； that which comes from Thee； and that which comes from
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the other。〃
And as God； whose designs are inscrutable； did not see fit to enlighten
his servant； Paphnutius； lost in doubt； resolved not to think of Thais any
more。 But his resolutions were vain。 Though absent； she was ever with
him。 She gazed at him whilst he read； or meditated； or prayed； or met his
eyes wherever he looked。 Her imaginary approach was heralded by a
slight sound； such as is made by a woman's dress when she walks； and the
visions had more verisimilitude than reality itself； which moves and is
confused； whereas the phantoms which are caused by solitude are fixed
and unchangeable。 She came under various appearancessometimes
pensive； her head crowned with her last perishable wreath； clad as at the
banquet at Alexandria； in a mauve robe spangled with silver flowers；
sometimes voluptuously in a cloud of light veils； and bathed in the warm
shadows of the Grotto of Nymphs； sometimes in a serge cassock； pious
and radiant with celestial joy； sometimes tragic； her eyes swimming in the
terrors of death； and showing her bare breast bedewed with the blood from
her pierced heart。 What disturbed him the most in these visions was that
the wreaths； tunics； and veils； that he had burned with his own hands；
should thus return； it became evident to him that these things had an