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〃At that time；〃 he used to say to the brethren； 〃I seethed in the
cauldron of false delights。〃
He meant by that that he had eaten food properly dressed； and
frequented the public baths。 In fact； until his twentieth year he had
continued to lead the ordinary existence of those times； which now seemed
to him rather death than life； but； owing to the lessons of the priest
Macrinus； he then became a new man。
The truth penetrated him through and through； andas he used to say
entered his soul like a sword。 He embraced the faith of Calvary； and
worshipped Christ crucified。 After his baptism he remained yet a year
amongst the Gentiles； unable to cast off the bonds of old habits。 But one
day he entered a church； and heard a deacon read from the Bible； the verse；
〃If thou wilt be perfect； go and sell that thou hast； and give to the poor。〃
Thereupon he sold all that he had； gave away the money in alms； and
embraced the monastic life。
During the ten years that he had lived remote from men； he no longer
seethed in the cauldron of false delights； but more profitably macerated his
flesh in the balms of penitence。
One day when； according to his pious custom； he was recalling to
mind the hours he had lived apart from God； and examining his sins one
by one； that he might the better ponder on their enormity； he remembered
that he had seen at the theatre at Alexandria a very beautiful actress named
Thais。 This woman showed herself in the public games； and did not
scruple to perform dances； the movements of which； arranged only too
cleverly； brought to mind the most horrible passions。 Sometimes she
imitated the horrible deeds which the Pagan fables ascribe to Venus； Leda；
or Pasiphae。 Thus she fired all the spectators with lust； and when
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handsome young men； or rich old ones； came； inspired with love； to hang
wreaths of flowers round her door； she welcomed them； and gave herself
up to them。 So that； whilst she lost her own soul； she also ruined the souls
of many others。
She had almost led Paphnutius himself into the sins of the flesh。 She
had awakened desire in him； and he had once approached the house of
Thais。 But he stopped on the threshold of the courtesan's house； partly
restrained by the natural timidity of extreme youthhe was then but fifteen
years oldand partly by the fear of being refused on account of his want of
money； for his parents took care that he should commit no great
extravagances。
God； in His mercy； had used these two means to prevent him from
committing a great sin。 But Paphnutius had not been grateful to Him for
that； because at that time he was blind to his own interests； and did not
know that he was lusting after false delights。 Now； kneeling in his cell；
before the image of that holy cross on which hung； as in a balance； the
ransom of the world； Paphnutius began to think of Thais； because Thais
was a sin to him； and he meditated long； according to ascetic rules； on the
fearful hideousness of the carnal delights with which this woman had
inspired him in the days of his sin and ignorance。 After some hours of
meditation the image of Thais appeared to him clearly and distinctly。 He
saw her again； as he had seen her when she tempted him； in all the beauty
of the flesh。 At first she showed herself like a Leda； softly lying upon a
bed of hyacinths； her head bowed； her eyes humid and filled with a strange
light； her nostrils quivering； her mouth half open； her breasts like two
flowers； and her arms smooth and fresh as two brooks。 At this sight
Paphnutius struck his breast and said
〃I call Thee to witness； my God； that I have considered how heinous
has been my sin。〃
Gradually the face of the image changed its expression。 Little by little
the lips of Thais； by lowering at the corners of the mouth； expressed a
mysterious suffering。 Her large eyes were filled with tears and lights； her
breast heaved with sighs； like the sighing of a wind that precedes a
tempest。 At this sight Paphnutius was troubled to the bottom of his soul。
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Prostrating himself on the floor； he uttered this prayer
〃Thou who hast put pity in our hearts； like the morning dew upon the
fields； O just and merciful God； be Thou blessed！ Praise！ praise be unto
Thee！ Put away from Thy servant that false tenderness which tempts to
concupiscence； and grant that I may only love Thy creatures in Thee； for
they pass away； but Thou endurest for ever。 If I care for this woman； it is
only because she is Thy handiwork。 The angels themselves feel pity for
her。 Is she not； O Lord； the breath of Thy mouth？ Let her not continue to
sin with many citizens and strangers。 There is great pity for her in my
heart。 Her wickednesses are abominable； and but to think of them makes
my flesh creep。 But the more wicked she is； the more do I lament for her。 I
weep when I think that the devils will torment her to all eternity。〃
As he was meditating in this way； he saw a little jackal lying at his feet。
He felt much surprised； for the door of his cell had been closed since the
morning。 The animal seemed to read the Abbot's thoughts； and wagged its
tail like a dog。 Paphnutius made the sign of the cross and the beast
vanished。 He knew then that； for the first time； the devil had entered his
cell； and he uttered a short prayer； then he thought again about Thais。
〃With God's help；〃 he said to himself； 〃I must save her。〃 And he slept。
The next morning； when he had said his prayers； he went to see the
sainted Palemon； a holy hermit who lived some distance away。 He found
him smiling quietly as he dug the ground； as was his custom。 Palemon was
an old man； and cultivated a little garden； the wild beasts came and licked
his hands； and the devils never tormented him。
〃May God be praised； brother Paphnutius；〃 he said； as he leaned upon
his spade。
〃God be praised！〃 replied Paphnutius。 〃And peace be unto my
brother。〃
〃The like peace be unto thee； brother Paphnutius；〃 said Palemon； and
he wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve。
〃Brother Palemon； all our discourse ought to be solely the praise of
Him who has promised to be wheresoever two or three are gathered
together in His Name。 That is why I come to you concerning a design I
have formed to glorify the Lord。〃
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〃May the Lord bless thy design； Paphnutius； as He has blessed my
lettuces。 Every morning He spreads His grace with the dew on my garden；
and His goodness causes me to glorify Him in the cucumbers and melons
which He gives me。 Let us pray that He may keep us in His peace。 For
nothing is more to be feared than those unruly passions which trouble our
hearts。 When these passions disturb us we are like drunken men； and we
stagger from right to left unceasingly； and are like to fall miserably。
Sometimes these passions plunge us into a turbulent joy； and he who gives
way to such； sullies the air with brutish laughter。 Such false joy drags the
sinner into all sorts of excess。 But sometimes also the troubles of the soul
and of the senses throw us into an impious sadness which is a thousand
times worse than the joy。 Brother Paphnutius； I am but a miserable sinner；
but I have found； in my long life； that the cenobite has no foe worse than
sadness。 I mean by that the obstinate melancholy which envelopes the soul
as in a mist； and hides from us the light of God。 Nothing is more contrary
to salvation； and the devil's greatest triumph is to sow black and bitter
thoughts in the heart of a good man。 If he sent us only pleasurable
temptations； he would not be half so much to be feared。 Alas！ he excels in
maki