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Next； I think； in procession among the early risers； and surely next in
fresh and innocent exterior； were the work…women or shop… girls。 I have
seen this fine avenue on gala afternoons bright with the beauty and
elegance of an opulent city； but I have see no more beautiful faces than I
have seen among these humbler sisters。 As the mere habits of dress in
America； except to a very acute critic； give no suggestion of the rank of
the wearer； I can imagine an inexperienced foreigner utterly mystified and
confounded by these girls； who perhaps work a sewing…machine or walk
the long floors of a fashionable dry…goods shop。 I remember one face
and figure； faultless and complete；modestly yet most becomingly
dressed； indeed； a figure that Compte…Calix might have taken for one of
his exquisite studies； which； between seven and eight A。 M。 passed
through Eleventh Street； between Sixth Avenue and Broadway。 So
exceptionally fine was her carriage； so chaste and virginal her presence；
and so refined and even spiritual her features； that； as a literary man； I
would have been justified in taking her for the heroine of a society novel。
Indeed； I had already woven a little romance about her； when one morning
she overtook me； accompanied by another girlpretty； but of a different
typewith whom she was earnestly conversing。 As the two passed me；
there fell from her faultless lips the following astounding sentence： 〃And I
told him； if he didn't like it he might lump it； and he traveled off on his left
ear； you bet！〃 Heaven knows what indiscretion this speech saved me
from； but the reader will understand what a sting the pain of rejection
might have added to it by the above formula。
The 〃morning…cocktail〃 men come next in my experience of early
rising。 I used to take my early cup of coffee in the cafe of a certain
fashionable restaurant that had a bar attached。 I could not help noticing
that； unlike the usual social libations of my countrymen； the act of taking a
morning cocktail was a solitary one。 In the course of my experience I
cannot recall the fact of two men taking an ante…breakfast cocktail together。
On the contrary； I have observed the male animal rush savagely at the bar；
demand his drink of the bar…keeper； swallow it； and hasten from the scene
of his early debauchery； or else take it in a languid； perfunctory manner；
which； I think； must have been insulting to the bar…keeper。 I have
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observed two men； whom I had seen drinking amicably together the
preceding night； standing gloomily at the opposite corners of the bar；
evidently trying not to see each other and making the matter a confidential
one with the bar…keeper。 I have seen even a thin disguise of simplicity
assumed。 I remember an elderly gentleman； of most respectable exterior；
who used to enter the cafe as if he had strayed there accidentally。 After
looking around carefully； and yet unostentatiously； he would walk to the
bar； and； with an air of affected carelessness； state that 〃not feeling well
this morning； he guessed he would takewell； he would leave it to the bar…
keeper。〃 The bar…keeper invariably gave him a stiff brandy cocktail。
When the old gentleman had done this half a dozen times； I think I lost
faith in him。 I tried afterwards to glean from the bar…keeper some facts
regarding those experiences； but I am proud to say that he was honorably
reticent。 Indeed； I think it may be said truthfully that there is no record of a
bar…keeper who has been 〃interviewed。〃 Clergymen and doctors have；
but it is well for the weakness of humanity that the line should be drawn
somewhere。
And this reminds me that one distressing phase of early rising is the
incongruous and unpleasant contact of the preceding night。 The social
yesterday is not fairly over before nine A。 M。 to…day； and there is always a
humorous； sometimes a pathetic； lapping over the edges。 I remember one
morning at six o'clock to have been overtaken by a carriage that drew up
beside me。 I recognized the coachman； who touched his hat
apologetically； as if he wished me to understand that he was not at all
responsible for the condition of his master； and I went to the door of the
carriage。 I was astonished to find two young friends of mine； in correct
evening dress； reclining on each other's shoulders and sleeping the sleep of
the justly inebriated。 I stated this fact to the coachman。 Not a muscle of
his well…trained face answered to my smile。 But he said： 〃You see； sir；
we've been out all night； and more than four blocks below they saw you；
and wanted me to hail you； but you know you stopped to speak to a
gentleman； and so I sorter lingered； and I drove round the block once or
twice； and I guess I've got 'em quiet again。〃 I looked in the carriage door
once more on these sons of Belial。 They were sleeping quite
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unconsciously。 A bouttonniere in the lappel of the younger one's coat had
shed its leaves； which were scattered over him with a ridiculous
suggestion of the 〃Babes in the Wood；〃 and I closed the carriage door
softly。 〃I suppose I'd better take 'em home； sir？〃 queried the coachman；
gravely。 〃Well； yes； John； perhaps you had。〃
There is another picture in my early rising experience that I wish was
as simply and honestly ludicrous。 It was at a time when the moral
sentiment of the metropolis； expressed through ordinance and special
legislation； had declared itself against a certain form of 〃variety〃
entertainment； and had； as usual； proceeded against the performers； and
not the people who encouraged them。 I remember； one frosty morning；
to have encountered in Washington Park my honest friend Sergeant X。 and
Roundsman 9999 conveying a party of these derelicts to the station。 One
of the women； evidently； had not had time to change her apparel； and had
thinly disguised the flowing robe and loose cestus of Venus under a ragged
〃waterproof〃； while the other； who had doubtless posed for Mercury； hid
her shapely tights in a plaid shawl； and changed her winged sandals for a
pair of 〃arctics。〃 Their rouged faces were streaked and stained with tears。
The man who was with them； the male of their species； had but hastily
washed himself of his Ethiopian presentment； and was still black behind
the ears； while an exaggerated shirt collar and frilled shirt made his
occasional indignant profanity irresistibly ludicrous。 So they fared on
over the glittering snow； against the rosy sunlight of the square； the gray
front of the University building； with a few twittering sparrows in the
foreground； beside the two policemen； quiet and impassive as fate。 I could
not help thinking of the distinguished A。； the most fashionable B。； the
wealthy and respectable C。； the sentimental D。； and the man of the world
E。； who were present at the performance； whose distinguished patronage
had called it into life； and who were then resting quietly in their beds；
while these haggard servants of their pleasaunce were haled over the snow
to punishment and ignominy。
Let me finish by recalling one brighter picture of that same season。 It
was early； so early that the cross of Grace Church had； when I looked up；
just caught the morning sun； and for a moment flamed like a crusader's
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