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and it occurred to me that if there really was any work in my friend； the
Tramp； which my own indolence and preoccupation had failed to bring out；
he was the man to do it。
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I met him a week after。 It was with some embarrassment that I
inquired after my friend； the Tramp。 〃Oh； yes；〃 he said； reflectively；
〃let's see： he came Monday and left me Thursday。 He was； I think； a
stout； strong man； a well…meaning； good…humored fellow； but afflicted
with a most singular variety of diseases。 The first day I put him at work in
the stables he developed chills and fever caught in the swamps of
Louisiana〃
〃Excuse me；〃 I said hurriedly； 〃you mean in Milwaukee！〃
〃I know what I'm talking about；〃 returned the Doctor； testily； 〃he told
me his whole wretched storyhis escape from the Confederate service； the
attack upon him by armed negroes； his concealment in the bayous and
swamps〃
〃Go on； Doctor；〃 I said； feebly； 〃you were speaking of his work。〃
〃Yes。 Well； his system was full of malaria； the first day I had him
wrapped up in blankets； and dosed with quinine。 The next day he was
taken with all the symptoms of cholera morbus； and I had to keep him up
on brandy and capsicum。 Rheumatism set in on the following day； and
incapacitated him for work； and I concluded I had better give him a note to
the director of the City Hospital than keep him here。 As a pathological
study he was good； but as I was looking for a man to help about the stable；
I couldn't afford to keep him in both capacities。〃
As I never could really tell when the Doctor was in joke or in earnest； I
dropped the subject。 And so my friend； the Tramp； gradually faded from
my memory； not however without leaving behind him in the barn where he
had slept a lingering flavor of whisky； onions； and fluffiness。 But in two
weeks this had gone； and the 〃Shebang〃 （as my friends irreverently termed
my habitation） knew him no more。 Yet it was pleasant to think of him as
having at last found a job at brick…making； or having returned to his family
at Milwaukee； or making his Louisiana home once more happy with his
presence； or again tempting the fish…producing mainthis time with a
noble and equitable captain。
It was a lovely August morning when I rode across the sandy
peninsula to visit a certain noted family； whereof all the sons were valiant
and the daughters beautiful。 The front of the house was deserted； but on
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the rear veranda I heard the rustle of gowns； and above it arose what
seemed to be the voice of Ulysses； reciting his wanderings。 There was
no mistaking that voice； it was my friend； the Tramp！
From what I could hastily gather from his speech； he had walked from
St。 John； N。 B。； to rejoin a distressed wife in New York； who was； however；
living with opulent but objectionable relatives。 〃An' shure； miss； I
wouldn't be askin' ye the loan of a cint if I could get worruk at me trade of
carpet…wavin'and maybe ye know of some mannfacthory where they
wave carpets beyant here。 Ah； miss； and if ye don't give me a cint； it's
enough for the loikes of me to know that me troubles has brought the tears
in the most beautiful oiyes in the wurruld； and God bless ye for it； miss！〃
Now I knew that the Most Beautiful Eyes in the World belonged to one
of the most sympathetic and tenderest hearts in the world； and I felt that
common justice demanded my interference between it and one of the
biggest scamps in the world。 So； without waiting to be announced by the
servant； I opened the door； and joined the group on the veranda。
If I expected to touch the conscience of my friend； the Tramp； by a
dramatic entrance； I failed utterly； for no sooner did he see me； than he
instantly gave vent to a howl of delight； and； falling on his knees before
me； grasped my hand； and turned oratorically to the ladies。
〃Oh； but it's himselfhimself that has come as a witness to me
carrakther！ Oh； but it's himself that lifted me four wakes ago； when I
was lyin' with a mortal wakeness on the say…coast； and tuk me to his house。
Oh； but it's himself that shupported me over the faldes； and whin the chills
and faver came on me and I shivered wid the cold； it was himself； God
bless him； as sthripped the coat off his back； and giv it me； sayin'； 'Take it；
Dinnis； it's shtarved with the cowld say air ye'll be entoirely。' Ah； but
look at him will ye； miss！ Look at his swate； modist facea blushin'
like your own； miss。 Ah！ look at him； will ye？ He'll be denyin' of it in a
minitmay the blessin' uv God folly him。 Look at him； miss！ Ah； but it's
a swate pair ye'd make！ （the rascal knew I was a married man）。 Ah； miss；
if you could see him wroightin' day and night with such an illigant hand of
his own（he had evidently believed from the gossip of my servants that I
was a professor of chirography）if ye could see him； miss； as I have； ye'd
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be proud of him。〃
He stopped out of breath。 I was so completely astounded I could say
nothing： the tremendous indictment I had framed to utter as I opened the
door vanished completely。 And as the Most Beautiful Eyes in the
Wurruld turned gratefully to minewell
I still retained enough principle to ask the ladies to withdraw； while I
would take upon myself the duty of examining into the case of my friend；
the Tramp； and giving him such relief as was required。 （I did not know
until afterward； however； that the rascal had already despoiled their scant
purses of three dollars and fifty cents。） When the door was closed upon
them I turned upon him。
〃You infernal rascal！〃
〃Ah； Captain； and would ye be refusin' ME a carrakther and me givin'
YE such a one as Oi did！ God save us！ but if ye'd hav' seen the luk that
the purty one give ye。 Well； before the chills and faver bruk me spirits
entirely； when I was a young man； and makin' me tin dollars a week brick…
makin'； it's meself that wud hav' given〃
〃I consider；〃 I broke in； 〃that a dollar is a fair price for your story； and
as I shall have to take it all back and expose you before the next twenty…
four hours pass； I think you had better hasten to Milwaukee； New York； or
Louisiana。〃
I handed him the dollar。 〃Mind； I don't want to see your face again。〃
〃Ye wun't； captain。〃
And I did not。
But it so chanced that later in the season； when the migratory
inhabitants had flown to their hot…air registers in Boston and Providence； I
breakfasted with one who had lingered。 It was a certain Boston lawyer；
replete with principle； honesty； self… discipline； statistics； aesthetics； and a
perfect consciousness of possessing all these virtues； and a full recognition
of their market values。 I think he tolerated me as a kind of foreigner；
gently but firmly waiving all argument on any topic； frequently distrusting
my facts； generally my deductions； and always my ideas。 In conversation
he always appeared to descend only half way down a long moral and
intellectual staircase； and always delivered his conclusions over the
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balusters。
I had been speaking of my friend； the Tramp。 〃There is but one way
of treating that class of impostors； it is simply to recognize the fact that the
law calls him a 'vagrant；' and makes his trade a misdemeanor。 Any
sentiment on the other side renders you particeps criminis。 I don't know
but an action would lie against you for encouraging tramps。 Now； I have
an efficacious way of dealing with these gentry。〃 He rose and took