按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
not away with music； or listen to the words of the New Testament。
During one of these Robert had begun to read a chapter to him； in
the faint hope that he might draw some comfort from it。
'Shut the book；' he said。 'If it were the word of God to men； it
would have brought its own proof with it。'
'Are ye sure it hasna？' asked Robert。
'No；' answered Ericson。 'But why should a fellow that would give his
lifethat's not much； but it's all I've gotto believe in God； not
be able？ Only I confess that God in the New Testament wouldn't
satisfy me。 There's no help。 I must just die； and go and
see。She'll be left without anybody。 'What does it matter？ She
would not mind a word I said。 And the God they talk about will just
let her take her own way。 He always does。'
He had closed his eyes and forgotten that Robert heard him。 He
opened them now； and fixed them on him with an expression that
seemed to ask； 'Have I been saying anything I ought not？'
Robert knelt by the bedside； and said； slowly； with strongly
repressed emotion；
'Mr。 Ericson； I sweir by God； gin there be ane； that gin ye dee；
I'll tak up what ye lea' ahin' ye。 Gin there be onybody ye want
luikit efter； I'll luik efter her。 I'll do what I can for her to
the best o' my abeelity； sae help me Godaye savin' what I maun do
for my ain father； gin he be in life； to fess （bring） him back to
the richt gait； gin there be a richt gait。 Sae ye can think aboot
whether there's onything ye wad like to lippen till me。'
A something grew in Ericson's eyes as Robert spoke。 Before he had
finished； they beamed on the boy。
'I think there must be a God somewhere after all；' he said； half
soliloquizing。 'I should be sorry you hadn't a God； Robert。 Why
should I wish it for your sake？ How could I want one for myself if
there never was one？ If a God had nothing to do with my making； why
should I feel that nobody but God can set things right？ Ah！ but he
must be such a God as I could imaginealtogether； absolutely true
and good。 If we came out of nothing； we could not invent the idea
of a Godcould we； Robert？ Nothing would be our God。 If we come
from God； nothing is more natural； nothing so natural； as to want
him； and when we haven't got him； to try to find him。What if he
should be in us after all； and working in us this way？ just this
very way of crying out after him？'
'Mr。 Ericson；' cried Robert； 'dinna say ony mair 'at ye dinna
believe in God。 Ye duv believe in 'immair； I'm thinkin'； nor
onybody 'at I ken； 'cep'； maybe； my grannieonly hers is a some
queer kin' o' a God to believe in。 I dinna think I cud ever manage
to believe in him mysel'。'
Ericson sighed and was silent。 Robert remained kneeling by his
bedside； happier； clearer…headed； and more hopeful than he had ever
been。 What if all was right at the heart of thingsright； even as
a man； if he could understand； would say was right； right； so that a
man who understood in part could believe it to be ten times more
right than he did understand！ Vaguely； dimly； yet joyfully； Robert
saw something like this in the possibility of things。 His heart was
full； and the tears filled his eyes。 Ericson spoke again。
'I have felt like that often for a few moments；' he said； 'but
always something would come and blow it away。 I remember one spring
morningbut if you will bring me that bundle of papers； I will show
you what； if I can find it； will let you understand'
Robert rose； went to the cupboard； and brought the pile of loose
leaves。 Ericson turned them over； and； Robert was glad to see； now
and then sorted them a little。 At length he drew out a sheet；
carelessly written； carelessly corrected； and hard to read。
'It is not finished； or likely to be；' he said； as he put the paper
in Robert's hand。
'Won't you read it to me yourself； Mr。 Ericson？' suggested Robert。
'I would sooner put it in the fire；' he answered'it's fate；
anyhow。 I don't know why I haven't burnt them all long ago。
Rubbish； and diseased rubbish！ Read it yourself； or leave it。'
Eagerly Robert took it； and read。 The following was the best he
could make of it：
Oh that a wind would call
》From the depths of the leafless wood！
Oh that a voice would fall
On the ear of my solitude！
Far away is the sea；
With its sound and its spirit…tone：
Over it white clouds flee；
But I am alone； alone。
Straight and steady and tall
The trees stand on their feet；
Fast by the old stone wall
The moss grows green and sweet；
But my heart is full of fears；
For the sun shines far away；
And they look in my face through tears；
And the light of a dying day。
My heart was glad last night；
As I pressed it with my palm；
Its throb was airy and light
As it sang some spirit…psalm；
But it died away in my breast
As I wandered forth to…day
As a bird sat dead on its nest；
While others sang on the spray。
O weary heart of mine；
Is there ever a truth for thee？
Will ever a sun outshine
But the sun that shines on me？
Away； away through the air
The clouds and the leaves are blown；
And my heart hath need of prayer；
For it sitteth alone； alone。
And Robert looked with sad reverence at Ericson；nor ever thought
that there was one who； in the face of the fact； and in recognition
of it； had dared say； 'Not a sparrow shall fall on the ground
without your Father。' The sparrow does fallbut he who sees it is
yet the Father。
And we know only the fall； and not the sparrow。
CHAPTER XII。
THE GRANITE CHURCH。
The next day was Sunday。 Robert sat； after breakfast； by his
friend's bed。
'You haven't been to church for a long time； Robert： wouldn't you
like to go to…day？' said Ericson。
'I dinna want to lea' you； Mr。 Ericson； I can bide wi' ye a' day the
day； an' that's better nor goin' to a' the kirks in Aberdeen。'
'I should like you to go to…day； though； and see if； after all；
there may not be a message for us。 If the church be the house of
God； as they call it； there should be； now and then at least； some
sign of a pillar of fire about it； some indication of the presence
of God whose house it is。 I wish you would go and see。 I haven't
been to church for a long time； except to the college…chapel； and I
never saw anything more than a fog there。'
'Michtna the fog be the torn…edge like； o' the cloody pillar？'
suggested Robert。
'Very likely；' assented Ericson； 'for； whatever truth there may be
in Christianity； I'm pretty sure the mass of our clergy have never
got beyond Judaism。 They hang on about the skirts of that cloud for
ever。'
'Ye see； they think as lang 's they see the fog； they hae a grup o'
something。 But they canna get a grup o' the glory that excelleth；
for it's not to luik at； but to lat ye see a' thing。'
Ericson regarded him with some surprise。 Robert hastened to be
honest。
'It's no that I ken onything aboot it； Mr。 Ericson。 I was only
bletherin' （talking nonsense）rizzonin' frae the twa symbols o' the
cloud an' the firekennin' nothing aboot the thing itsel'。 I'll
awa' to the kirk； an' see what it's like。 Will I gie ye a buik
afore I gang？'
'No； thank you。 I'll just lie quiet till you come backif I can。'
Robert instructed Shargar to watch for the slightest sound from the
sick…room； and went to church。
As he approached the granite cathedral； the only one in the world； I
presume； its stern solidity； so like the country and its men； laid
hold of his imagination for the first time。 No doubt the necessity
imposed by the unyielding material had its share； and that a large
one； in the character of the building： whence else that simplest of
west windows； seven lofty； narrow slits of light； parted by granite
shafts of equal width； filling the space between the corner
buttresses of the nave； and reaching from door to roof？ whence else
the absence of tracery in the windowsexcept the severely gracious
curves into which the mullions divide？But this cause could not
have determined those towers； so strong that they might have borne
their granite weight soaring aloft； yet content with the depth of
their foundation； and aspiring not。 The whole aspect of the
building is an outcome； an absolute blossom of the northern nature。
There is but the nave of the church remaining。 About 1680； more
than a century after the Reformation； the great tower fell；
destroying the choir； chancel； and transept； which have never been
rebuilt。 May the reviving faith of the nation in its own history；
and God at the heart of it； lead to the restoration of this grand
old monument of the belief of their fathers。 Deformed as the
interior then was with galleries； and with Gavin Dunbar's flat
ceiling； an awe fell upon Robert as he entered it。 When in after
years he looked down from between the pillars of the gallery； that
creeps round the chu