按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
luiks to you a' wrang may be a' richt。 But it's true eneuch 'at we
dinna ken a'thing； an' he's no deid yetI dinna believe 'at he
isand he'll maybe win in yet。'
Here her voice failed her。 And Robert had nothing to say now。 He
had said all his say before。
'Pray； Robert； pray for yer father； laddie；' she resumed； 'for we
hae muckle rizzon to be anxious aboot 'im。 Pray while there's life
an' houp。 Gie the Lord no rist。 Pray till 'im day an' nicht； as I
du； that he wad lead 'im to see the error o' his ways； an' turn to
the Lord； wha's ready to pardon。 Gin yer mother had lived； I wad
hae had mair houp； I confess； for she was a braw leddy and a bonny；
and that sweet…tongued！ She cud hae wiled a maukin frae its lair
wi' her bonnie Hielan' speech。 I never likit to hear nane o' them
speyk the Erse （Irish； that is； Gaelic）； it was aye sae gloggie and
baneless； and I cudna unnerstan' ae word o' 't。 Nae mair cud yer
fatherhoot！ yer gran'father； I meanthough his father cud speyk
it weel。 But to hear yer mothermamma； as ye used to ca' her aye；
efter the new fashionto hear her speyk English； that was sweet to
the ear； for the braid Scotch she kent as little o' as I do o' the
Erse。 It was hert's care aboot him that shortent her days。 And a'
that'll be laid upo' him。 He'll hae 't a' to beir an' accoont for。
Och hone！ Och hone！ Eh！ Robert； my man； be a guid lad； an' serve
the Lord wi' a' yer hert； an' sowl； an' stren'th； an' min'； for gin
ye gang wrang； yer ain father 'll hae to beir naebody kens hoo
muckle o' the wyte o' 't； for he's dune naething to bring ye up i'
the way ye suld gang； an' haud ye oot o' the ill gait。 For the sake
o' yer puir father； haud ye to the richt road。 It may spare him a
pang or twa i' the ill place。 Eh； gin the Lord wad only tak me； and
lat him gang！'
Involuntarily and unconsciously the mother's love was adopting the
hope which she had denounced in her grandson。 And Robert saw it；
but he was never the man when I knew him to push a victory。 He said
nothing。 Only a tear or two at the memory of the wayworn man； his
recollection of whose visit I have already recorded； rolled down his
cheeks。 He was at such a distance from him！such an impassable
gulf yawned between them！that was the grief！ Not the gulf of
death； nor the gulf that divides hell from heaven； but the gulf of
abjuration by the good because of his evil ways。 His grandmother；
herself weeping fast and silently； with scarce altered countenance；
took her neatly…folded handkerchief from her pocket； and wiped her
grandson's fresh cheeks； then wiped her own withered face； and from
that moment Robert knew that he loved her。
Then followed the Sabbath…evening prayer that she always offered
with the boy； whichever he was； who kept her company。 They knelt
down together； side by side； in a certain corner of the room； the
same； I doubt not； in which she knelt at her private devotions；
before going to bed。 There she uttered a long extempore prayer；
rapid in speech； full of divinity and Scripture…phrases； but not the
less earnest and simple； for it flowed from a heart of faith。 Then
Robert had to pray after her； loud in her ear； that she might hear
him thoroughly； so that he often felt as if he were praying to her；
and not to God at all。
She had begun to teach him to pray so early that the custom reached
beyond the confines of his memory。 At first he had had to repeat
the words after her； but soon she made him construct his own
utterances； now and then giving him a suggestion in the form of a
petition when he seemed likely to break down； or putting a phrase
into what she considered more suitable language。 But all such
assistance she had given up long ago。
On the present occasion； after she had ended her petitions with
those for Jews and pagans； and especially for the 'Pop' o' Rom'；' in
whom with a rare liberality she took the kindest interest； always
praying God to give him a good wife； though she knew perfectly well
the marriage…creed of the priesthood； for her faith in the hearer of
prayer scorned every theory but that in which she had herself been
born and bred； she turned to Robert with the usual 'Noo； Robert！'
and Robert began。 But after he had gone on for some time with the
ordinary phrases； he turned all at once into a new track； and
instead of praying in general terms for 'those that would not walk
in the right way；' said；
'O Lord！ save my father；' and there paused。
'If it be thy will；' suggested his grandmother。
But Robert continued silent。 His grandmother repeated the
subjunctive clause。
'I'm tryin'； grandmother；' said Robert； 'but I canna say 't。 I
daurna say an if aboot it。 It wad be like giein' in till 's
damnation。 We maun hae him saved； grannie！'
'Laddie！ laddie！ haud yer tongue！' said Mrs。 Falconer； in a tone of
distressed awe。 'O Lord； forgie 'im。 He's young and disna ken
better yet。 He canna unnerstan' thy ways； nor； for that maitter；
can I preten' to unnerstan' them mysel'。 But thoo art a' licht； and
in thee is no darkness at all。 And thy licht comes into oor blin'
een； and mak's them blinner yet。 But； O Lord； gin it wad please
thee to hear oor prayer。。。eh！ hoo we wad praise thee！ And my Andrew
wad praise thee mair nor ninety and nine o' them 'at need nae
repentance。'
A long pause followed。 And then the only words that would come
were： 'For Christ's sake。 Amen。'
When she said that God was light； instead of concluding therefrom
that he could not do the deeds of darkness； she was driven； from a
faith in the teaching of Jonathan Edwards as implicit as that of
'any lay papist of Loretto；' to doubt whether the deeds of darkness
were not after all deeds of light； or at least to conclude that
their character depended not on their own nature； but on who did
them。
They rose from their knees； and Mrs。 Falconer sat down by her fire；
with her feet on her little wooden stool； and began； as was her wont
in that household twilight； ere the lamp was lighted； to review her
past life； and follow her lost son through all conditions and
circumstances to her imaginable。 And when the world to come arose
before her； clad in all the glories which her fancy； chilled by
education and years； could supply； it was but to vanish in the gloom
of the remembrance of him with whom she dared not hope to share its
blessedness。 This at least was how Falconer afterwards interpreted
the sudden changes from gladness to gloom which he saw at such times
on her countenance。
But while such a small portion of the universe of thought was
enlightened by the glowworm lamp of the theories she had been
taught； she was not limited for light to that feeble source。 While
she walked on her way； the moon； unseen herself behind the clouds；
was illuminating the whole landscape so gently and evenly； that the
glowworm being the only visible point of radiance； to it she
attributed all the light。 But she felt bound to go on believing as
she had been taught； for sometimes the most original mind has the
strongest sense of law upon it； and will； in default of a better；
obey a beggarly oneonly till the higher law that swallows it up
manifests itself。 Obedience was as essential an element of her
creed as of that of any purest…minded monk； neither being
sufficiently impressed with this： that； while obedience is the law
of the kingdom； it is of considerable importance that that which is
obeyed should be in very truth the will of God。 It is one thing； and
a good thing； to do for God's sake that which is not his will： it is
another thing； and altogether a better thinghow much better； no
words can tellto do for God's sake that which is his will。 Mrs。
Falconer's submission and obedience led her to accept as the will of
God； lest she should be guilty of opposition to him； that which it
was anything but giving him honour to accept as such。 Therefore her
love to God was too like the love of the slave or the dog； too
little like the love of the child； with whose obedience the Father
cannot be satisfied until he cares for his reason as the highest
form of his will。 True； the child who most faithfully desires to
know the inward will or reason of the Father； will be the most ready
to obey without it； only for this obedience it is essential that the
apparent command at least be such as he can suppose attributable to
the Father。 Of his own self he is bound to judge what is right； as
the Lord said。 Had Abraham doubted whether it was in any case right
to slay his son； he would have been justified in doubting whether
God really required it of him； and would have been bound to delay
action until the arrival of more light。 True； the will of God can
never be other than good； but I doubt if any man can ever be sure
that a thing is the will of God； save by seeing into its nature and
character； and beholding its goodness。 Whateve