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robert falconer-第118章

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groupssome twenty or so; here and there。  When he let himself in

with his pass…key; there were two men in the entry。  Without

stopping to speak; he ran up to his own chambers。  When he got into

his sitting…room; there stood De Fleuri; who simply waved his hand

towards the old sofa。  On it lay an elderly man; with his eyes half

open; and a look almost of idiocy upon his pale; puffed face; which

was damp and shining。  His breathing was laboured; but there was no

further sign of suffering。  He lay perfectly still。  Falconer saw at

once that he was under the influence of some narcotic; probably

opium; and the same moment the all but conviction darted into his

mind that Andrew Falconer; his grandmother's son; lay there before

him。  That he was his own father he had no feeling yet。  He turned

to De Fleuri。



'Thank you; friend;' he said。 'I shall find time to thank you。'



'Are we right?' asked De Fleuri。



'I don't know。  I think so;' answered Falconer; and without another

word the man withdrew。



His first mood was very strange。  It seemed as if all the romance

had suddenly deserted his life; and it lay bare and hopeless。  He

felt nothing。  No tears rose to the brim of their bottomless

wellsthe only wells that have no bottom; for they go into the

depths of the infinite soul。  He sat down in his chair; stunned as

to the heart and all the finer chords of his nature。  The man on the

horsehair sofa lay breathingthat was all。  The gray hair about the

pale ill…shaven face glimmered like a cloud before him。  What should

he do or say when he awaked?  How approach this far…estranged soul?

How ever send the cry of father into that fog…filled world?  Could

he ever have climbed on those knees and kissed those lips; in the

far…off days when the sun and the wind of that northern atmosphere

made his childhood blessed beyond dreams?  The actualthat is the

present phase of the ever…changinglooked the ideal in the face;

and the mirror that held them both; shook and quivered at the

discord of the faces reflected。  A kind of moral cold seemed to

radiate from the object before him; and chill him to the very bones。

This could not long be endured。  He fled from the actual to the

source of all the idealto that Saviour who; the infinite mediator;

mediates between all hopes and all positions; between the most

debased actual and the loftiest ideal; between the little scoffer of

St。 Giles's and his angel that ever beholds the face of the Father

in heaven。  He fell on his knees; and spoke to God; saying that he

had made this man; that the mark of his fingers was on the man's

soul somewhere。  He prayed to the making Spirit to bring the man to

his right mind; to give him once more the heart of a child; to begin

him yet again at the beginning。  Then at last; all the evil he had

done and suffered would but swell his gratitude to Him who had

delivered him from himself and his own deeds。  Having breathed this

out before the God of his life; Falconer rose; strengthened to meet

the honourable debased soul when it should at length look forth from

the dull smeared windows of those ill…used eyes。



He felt his pulse。  There was no danger from the narcotic。  The coma

would pass away。  Meantime he would get him to bed。  When he began

to undress him a new reverence arose which overcame all disgust at

the state in which he found him。  At length one sad little fact

about his dress; revealing the poverty…stricken attempt of a man to

preserve the shadow of decency; called back the waters of the

far…ebbed ocean of his feelings。  At the prick of a pin the heart's

blood will flow: at the sight ofa pin it wasRobert burst into

tears; and wept like a child; the deadly cold was banished from his

heart; and he not only loved; but knew that he lovedfelt the love

that was there。  Everything then about the worn body and shabby

garments of the man smote upon the heart of his son; and through his

very poverty he was sacred in his eyes。  The human heart awakened

the filialreversing thus the ordinary process of Nature; who by

means of the filial; when her plans are unbroken; awakes the human;

and he reproached himself bitterly for his hardness; as he now

judged his late mental conditionunfairly; I think。  He soon had

him safe in bed; unconscious of the helping hands that had been busy

about him in his heedless sleep; unconscious of the radiant planet

of love that had been folding him round in its atmosphere of

affection。



But while he thus ministered; a new question arose in his mindto

meet with its own new; God…given answer。  What if this should not be

the man after all?if this love had been spent in mistake; and did

not belong to him at all?  The answer was; that he was a man。  The

love Robert had given he could not; would not withdraw。  The man who

had been for a moment as his father he could not cease to regard

with devotion。  At least he was a man with a divine soul。  He might

at least be somebody's father。  Where love had found a moment's rest

for the sole of its foot; there it must build its nest。



When he had got him safe in bed; he sat down beside him to think

what he would do next。  This sleep gave him very needful leisure to

think。  He could determine nothingnot even how to find out if he

was indeed his father。  If he approached the subject without guile;

the man might be fearful and cunningmight have reasons for being

so; and for striving to conceal the truth。  But this was the first

thing to make sure of; because; if it was he; all the hold he had

upon him lay in his knowing it for certain。  He could not think。  He

had had little sleep the night before。  He must not sleep this

night。  He dragged his bath into his sitting…room; and refreshed his

faculties with plenty of cold water; then lighted his pipe and went

on thinkingnot without prayer to that Power whose candle is the

understanding of man。  All at once he saw how to begin。  He went

again into the chamber; and looked at the man; and handled him; and

knew by his art that a waking of some sort was nigh。  Then he went

to a corner of his sitting…room; and from beneath the table drew out

a long box; and from the box lifted Dooble Sandy's auld wife; tuned

the somewhat neglected strings; and laid the instrument on the

table。



When; keeping constant watch over the sleeping man; he judged at

length that his soul had come near enough to the surface of the

ocean of sleep to communicate with the outer world through that

bubble his body; which had floated upon its waves all the night

unconscious; he put his chair just outside the chamber door; which

opened from his sitting…room; and began to play gently; softly; far

away。  For a while he extemporized only; thinking of Rothieden; and

the grandmother; and the bleach…green; and the hills; and the waste

old factory; and his mother's portrait and letters。  As he dreamed

on; his dream got louder; and; he hoped; was waking a more and more

vivid dream in the mind of the sleeper。 'For who can tell;' thought

Falconer; 'what mysterious sympathies of blood and childhood's

experience there may be between me and that man?such; it may be;

that my utterance on the violin will wake in his soul the very

visions of which my soul is full while I play; each with its own

nebulous atmosphere of dream…light around it。'  For music wakes its

own feeling; and feeling wakes thought; or rather; when perfected;

blossoms into thought; thought radiant of music as those lilies that

shine phosphorescent in the July nights。  He played more and more

forcefully; growing in hope。  But he had been led astray in some

measure by the fulness of his expectation。  Strange to tell; doctor

as he was; he had forgotten one important factor in his calculation:

how the man would awake from his artificial sleep。  He had not

reckoned of how the limbeck of his brain would be left discoloured

with vile deposit; when the fumes of the narcotic should have

settled and given up its central spaces to the faintness of

desertion。



Robert was very keen of hearing。  Indeed he possessed all his senses

keener than any other man I have known。  He heard him toss on his

bed。  Then he broke into a growl; and damned the miauling; which; he

said; the strings could never have learned anywhere but in a cat's

belly。  But Robert was used to bad language; and there are some bad

things which; seeing that there they are; it is of the greatest

consequence to get used to。  It gave him; no doubt; a pang of

disappointment to hear such an echo to his music from the soul which

he had hoped especially fitted to respond in harmonious unison with

the wail of his violin。  But not for even this moment did he lose

his presence of mind。  He instantly moderated the tone of the

instrument; and gradually drew the sound away once more into the

distance of hearing。  But he did not therefore let it die。  Through

various changes it floated in the thin ?ther of the 
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