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like reverence； she saw too quickly and too keenly into the foibles
of all who came near her to care to look farther for their virtues。
If she had ever been humbled； and thence taught to look up； she
might by this time have been a grand woman； worthy of a great man's
worship。 She patronized Miss St。 John； considerably to her
amusement； and nothing to her indignation。 Of course she could not
understand her。 She had a vague notion of how she spent her time；
and believing a certain amount of fanaticism essential to religion；
wondered how so sensible and ladylike a person as Miss St。 John
could go in for it。
Meeting Falconer at Lady Janet's； she was taken with him。 Possibly
she recognized in him a strength that would have made him her
master； if he had cared for such a distinction； but nothing she
could say attracted more than a passing attention on his part。
Falconer was out of her sphere； and her influences were powerless
to reach him。
At length she began to have a glimmering of the relation of labour
between Miss St。 John and him； and applied to the former for some
enlightenment。 But Miss St。 John was far from explicit； for she had
no desire for such assistance as Lady Georgina's。 What motives next
led her to seek the interview I am now about to record； I cannot
satisfactorily explain； but I will hazard a conjecture or two；
although I doubt if she understood them thoroughly herself。
She was； if not blasée； at least ennuyée； and began to miss
excitement； and feel blindly about her for something to make life
interesting。 She was gifted with far more capacity than had ever
been exercised； and was of a large enough nature to have grown
sooner weary of trifles than most women of her class。 She might
have been an artist； but she drew like a young lady； she might have
been a prophetess； and Byron was her greatest poet。 It is no wonder
that she wanted something she had not got。
Since she had been foiled in her attempt on Miss St。 John； which she
attributed to jealousy； she had； in quite another circle； heard
strange； wonderful； even romantic stories about Falconer and his
doings among the poor。 A new world seemed to open before her
longing gazea world； or a calenture； a mirage？ for would she cross
the 'wandering fields of barren foam；' to reach the green grass that
did wave on the far shore？ the dewless desert to reach the fair
water that did lie leagues beyond its pictured sweetness？ But I
think； mingled with whatever motives she may have had； there must
have been some desire to be a nobler； that is a more useful woman
than she had been。
She had not any superabundance of feminine delicacy； though she had
plenty of good…breeding； and she trusted to her position in society
to cover the eccentricity of her present undertaking。
One morning after breakfast she called upon Falconer； and accustomed
to visits from all sorts of people； Mrs。 Ashton showed her into his
sitting…room without even asking her name。 She found him at his
piano； apologized； in her fashionable drawl； for interrupting his
music； and accepted his offer of a chair without a shade of
embarrassment。 Falconer seated himself and sat waiting。
'I fear the step I have taken will appear strange to you； Mr。
Falconer。 Indeed it appears strange to myself。 I am afraid it may
appear stranger still。'
'It is easy for me to leave all judgment in the matter to yourself；
MissI beg your pardon； I know we have met； but for the moment I
cannot recall your name。'
'Lady Georgina Betterton；' drawled the visitor carelessly； hiding
whatever annoyance she may have felt。
Falconer bowed。 Lady Georgina resumed。
'Of course it only affects myself； and I am willing to take the
risk； notwithstanding the natural desire to stand well in the
opinion of any one with whom even my boldness could venture such a
step。'
A smile； intended to be playful； covered the retreat of the
sentence。 Falconer bowed again。 Lady Georgina had yet again to
resume。
'From the little I have seen； and the much I have heard of
youexcuse me； Mr。 FalconerI cannot help thinking that you know
more of the secret of life than other peopleif indeed it has any
secret。'
'Life certainly is no burden to me；' returned Falconer。 'If that
implies the possession of any secret which is not common property； I
fear it also involves a natural doubt whether such secret be
communicable。'
'Of course I mean only some secret everybody ought to know。'
'I do not misunderstand you。'
'I want to live。 You know the world； Mr。 Falconer。 I need not tell
you what kind of life a girl like myself leads。 I am not old； but
the gilding is worn off。 Life looks bare； ugly； uninteresting。 I
ask you to tell me whether there is any reality in it or not；
whether its past glow was only gilt； whether the best that can be
done is to get through with it as fast as possible？'
'Surely your ladyship must know some persons whose very countenances
prove that they have found a reality at the heart of life。'
'Yes。 But none whose judgment I could trust。 I cannot tell how soon
they may find reason to change their minds on the subject。 Their
satisfaction may only be that they have not tried to rub the varnish
off the gilding so much as I； and therefore the gilding itself still
shines a little in their eyes。'
'If it be only gilding； it is better it should be rubbed off。'
'But I am unwilling to think it is。 I am not willing to sign a bond
of farewell to hope。 Life seemed good once。 It is bad enough that
it seems such no longer； without consenting that it must and shall
be so。 Allow me to add； for my own sake； that I speak from the
bitterness of no chagrin。 I have had all I ever caredor
condescended to wish for。 I never had anything worth the name of a
disappointment in my life。'
'I cannot congratulate you upon that；' said Falconer； seriously。
'But if there be a truth or a heart in life； assurance of the fact
can only spring from harmony with that truth。 It is not to be known
save by absolute contact with it； and the sole guide in the
direction of it must be duty： I can imagine no other possible
conductor。 We must do before we can know。'
'Yes； yes；' replied Lady Georgina； hastily； in a tone that implied；
'Of course； of course： we know all about that。' But aware at once；
with the fine instinct belonging to her mental organization； that
she was thus shutting the door against all further communication；
she added instantly： 'But what is one's duty？ There is the
question。'
'The thing that lies next you； of course。 You are； and must remain；
the sole judge of that。 Another cannot help you。'
'But that is just what I do not know。'
I interrupt Lady Georgina to remarkfor I too have been a pupil of
Falconerthat I believe she must have suspected what her duty was；
and would not look firmly at her own suspicion。 She added：
'I want direction。'
But the same moment she proceeded to indicate the direction in which
she wanted to be directed； for she went on：
'You know that now…a…days there are so many modes in which to employ
one's time and money that one does not know which to choose。 The
lower strata of society； you know； Mr。 Falconerso many channels！
I want the advice of a man of experience； as to the best
investment； if I may use the expression： I do not mean of money
only； but of time as well。'
'I am not fitted to give advice in such a matter。'
'Mr。 Falconer！'
'I assure you I am not。 I subscribe to no society myselfnot one。'
'Excuse me； but I can hardly believe the rumours I hear of
youpeople will talk； you knoware all inventions。 They say you
are for ever burrowing amongst the poor。 Excuse the phrase。'
'I excuse or accept it； whichever you please。 Whatever I do； I am
my own steward。'
'Then you are just the person to help me！ I have a fortune； not
very limited； at my own disposal： a gentleman who is his own
steward； would find his labours merely facilitated by administering
for another as wellsuch labours； I mean。'
'I must beg to be excused； Lady Georgina。 I am accountable only for
my own； and of that I have quite as much as I can properly manage。
It is far more difficult to use money for others than to spend it
for yourself。'
'Ah！' said Lady Georgina； thoughtfully； and cast an involuntary
glance round the untidy room； with its horse…hair furniture； its
ragged array of books on the wall； its side…table littered with
pamphlets he never read； with papers he never printed； with pipes he
smoked by chance turns。 He saw the glance and understood it。
'I am accustomed；' he said； 'to be in such sad places for human
beings to live in； that I sometimes think even this dingy old room
an absolute palace of comfort。But；' he added； checking himself； as
it were； 'I do not see in the least how your pr