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TONY。 I have been saying no soft things； but that it's very hard to be
followed about so。 Ecod！ I've not a place in the house now that's left to
myself； but the stable。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Never mind him； Con； my dear。 He's in
another story behind your back。
MISS NEVILLE。 There's something generous in my cousin's manner。
He falls out before faces to be forgiven in private。
TONY。 That's a damned confoundedcrack。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Ah！ he's a sly one。 Don't you think they are
like each other about the mouth； Mr。 Hastings？ The Blenkinsop mouth to
a T。 They're of a size too。 Back to back； my pretties； that Mr。 Hastings
may see you。 Come； Tony。
TONY。 You had as good not make me； I tell you。 （Measuring。）
MISS NEVILLE。 O lud！ he has almost cracked my head。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 O； the monster！ For shame； Tony。 You a
man； and behave so！
TONY。 If I'm a man； let me have my fortin。 Ecod！ I'll not be made
a fool of no longer。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Is this； ungrateful boy； all that I'm to get for
the pains I have taken in your education？ I that have rocked you in your
cradle； and fed that pretty mouth with a spoon！ Did not I work that
waistcoat to make you genteel？ Did not I prescribe for you every day；
and weep while the receipt was operating？
TONY。 Ecod！ you had reason to weep； for you have been dosing me
ever since I was born。 I have gone through every receipt in the Complete
Huswife ten times over； and you have thoughts of coursing me through
Quincy next spring。 But； ecod！ I tell you； I'll not be made a fool of no
longer。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Wasn't it all for your good； viper？ Wasn't it
all for your good？
TONY。 I wish you'd let me and my good alone； then。 Snubbing this
way when I'm in spirits。 If I'm to have any good； let it come of itself； not
to keep dinging it； dinging it into one so。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 That's false； I never see you when you're in
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spirits。 No； Tony； you then go to the alehouse or kennel。 I'm never to
be delighted with your agreeable wild notes； unfeeling monster！
TONY。 Ecod！ mamma； your own notes are the wildest of the two。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Was ever the like？ But I see he wants to
break my heart； I see he does。
HASTINGS。 Dear madam； permit me to lecture the young
gentleman a little。 I'm certain I can persuade him to his duty。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Well； I must retire。 Come； Constance； my
love。 You see； Mr。 Hastings； the wretchedness of my situation： was ever
poor woman so plagued with a dear sweet； pretty； provoking； undutiful
boy？ ＇Exeunt MRS。 HARDCASTLE and MISS NEVILLE。＇
TONY。 （Singing。） 〃There was a young man riding by； and fain
would have his will。 Rang do didlo dee。〃Don't mind her。 Let her
cry。 It's the comfort of her heart。 I have seen her and sister cry over a
book for an hour together； and they said they liked the book the better the
more it made them cry。
HASTINGS。 Then you're no friend to the ladies； I find； my pretty
young gentleman？
TONY。 That's as I find 'um。
HASTINGS。 Not to her of your mother's choosing； I dare answer？
And yet she appears to me a pretty well…tempered girl。
TONY。 That's because you don't know her as well as I。 Ecod！ I
know every inch about her； and there's not a more bitter cantankerous toad
in all Christendom。
HASTINGS。 （Aside。） Pretty encouragement this for a lover！
TONY。 I have seen her since the height of that。 She has as many
tricks as a hare in a thicket； or a colt the first day's breaking。
HASTINGS。 To me she appears sensible and silent。
TONY。 Ay； before company。 But when she's with her playmate；
she's as loud as a hog in a gate。
HASTINGS。 But there is a meek modesty about her that charms me。
TONY。 Yes； but curb her never so little； she kicks up； and you're
flung in a ditch。
HASTINGS。 Well； but you must allow her a little beauty。Yes； you
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must allow her some beauty。
TONY。 Bandbox！ She's all a made…up thing； mun。 Ah！ could you
but see Bet Bouncer of these parts； you might then talk of beauty。 Ecod；
she has two eyes as black as sloes； and cheeks as broad and red as a pulpit
cushion。 She'd make two of she。
HASTINGS。 Well； what say you to a friend that would take this
bitter bargain off your hands？
TONY。 Anon。
HASTINGS。 Would you thank him that would take Miss Neville；
and leave you to happiness and your dear Betsy？
TONY。 Ay； but where is there such a friend； for who would take her？
HASTINGS。 I am he。 If you but assist me； I'll engage to whip her
off to France； and you shall never hear more of her。
TONY。 Assist you！ Ecod I will； to the last drop of my blood。 I'll
clap a pair of horses to your chaise that shall trundle you off in a twinkling；
and may be get you a part of her fortin beside； in jewels； that you little
dream of。
HASTINGS。 My dear 'squire； this looks like a lad of spirit。
TONY。 Come along； then； and you shall see more of my spirit before
you have done with me。
（Singing。） 〃We are the boys That fears no noise Where the thundering
cannons roar。〃 ＇Exeunt。＇
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ACT THE THIRD。
Enter HARDCASTLE； alone。
HARDCASTLE。 What could my old friend Sir Charles mean by
recommending his son as the modestest young man in town？ To me he
appears the most impudent piece of brass that ever spoke with a tongue。
He has taken possession of the easy chair by the fire…side already。 He
took off his boots in the parlour； and desired me to see them taken care of。
I'm desirous to know how his impudence affects my daughter。 She will
certainly be shocked at it。
Enter MISS HARDCASTLE； plainly dressed。
HARDCASTLE。 Well； my Kate； I see you have changed your dress；
as I bade you； and yet； I believe； there was no great occasion。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 I find such a pleasure； sir； in obeying your
commands； that I take care to observe them without ever debating their
propriety。
HARDCASTLE。 And yet； Kate； I sometimes give you some cause；
particularly when I recommended my modest gentleman to you as a lover
to…day。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 You taught me to expect something
extraordinary； and I find the original exceeds the description。
HARDCASTLE。 I was never so surprised in my life！ He has quite
confounded all my faculties！
MISS HARDCASTLE。 I never saw anything like it： and a man of
the world too！
HARDCASTLE。 Ay； he learned it all abroadwhat a fool was I； to
think a young man could learn modesty by travelling。 He might as soon
learn wit at a masquerade。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 It seems all natural to him。
HARDCASTLE。 A good deal assisted by bad company and a French
dancing…master。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Sure you mistake； papa！ A French
dancing…master could never have taught him that timid lookthat
awkward addressthat bashful manner
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HARDCASTLE。 Whose look？ whose manner； child？
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Mr。 Marlow's： his mauvaise honte； his
timidity； struck me at the first sight。
HARDCASTLE。 Then your first sight deceived you； for I think him
one of