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think I could ever relish that happiness which was acquired by lessening
yours？
MARLOW。 By all that's good； I can have no happiness but what's in
your power to grant me！ Nor shall I ever feel repentance but in not
having seen your merits before。 I will stay even contrary to your wishes；
and though you should persist to shun me； I will make my respectful
assiduities atone for the levity of my past conduct。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Sir； I must entreat you'll desist。 As our
acquaintance began； so let it end； in indifference。 I might have given an
hour or two to levity； but seriously； Mr。 Marlow； do you think I could ever
submit to a connexion where I must appear mercenary； and you imprudent？
Do you think I could ever catch at the confident addresses of a secure
admirer？
MARLOW。 （Kneeling。） Does this look like security？ Does this
look like confidence？ No； madam； every moment that shows me your
merit； only serves to increase my diffidence and confusion。 Here let me
continue
SIR CHARLES。 I can hold it no longer。 Charles； Charles； how hast
thou deceived me！ Is this your indifference； your uninteresting
conversation？
HARDCASTLE。 Your cold contempt； your formal interview！
What have you to say now？
MARLOW。 That I'm all amazement！ What can it mean？
HARDCASTLE。 It means that you can say and unsay things at
pleasure： that you can address a lady in private； and deny it in public： that
you have one story for us； and another for my daughter。
MARLOW。 Daughter！This lady your daughter？
HARDCASTLE。 Yes； sir； my only daughter； my Kate； whose else
should she be？
MARLOW。 Oh； the devil！
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Yes； sir； that very identical tall squinting
lady you were pleased to take me for （courtseying）； she that you addressed
as the mild； modest； sentimental man of gravity； and the bold； forward；
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agreeable Rattle of the Ladies' Club。 Ha！ ha！ ha！
MARLOW。 Zounds！ there's no bearing this； it's worse than death！
MISS HARDCASTLE。 In which of your characters； sir； will you
give us leave to address you？ As the faltering gentleman； with looks on
the ground； that speaks just to be heard； and hates hypocrisy； or the loud
confident creature； that keeps it up with Mrs。 Mantrap； and old Miss Biddy
Buckskin； till three in the morning？ Ha！ ha！ ha！
MARLOW。 O； curse on my noisy head。 I never attempted to be
impudent yet； that I was not taken down。 I must be gone。
HARDCASTLE。 By the hand of my body； but you shall not。 I see
it was all a mistake； and I am rejoiced to find it。 You shall not； sir； I tell
you。 I know she'll forgive you。 Won't you forgive him； Kate？ We'll
all forgive you。 Take courage； man。 （They retire； she tormenting him；
to the back scene。）
Enter MRS。 HARDCASTLE and Tony。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 So； so； they're gone off。 Let them go； I
care not。
HARDCASTLE。 Who gone？
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 My dutiful niece and her gentleman； Mr。
Hastings； from town。 He who came down with our modest visitor here。
SIR CHARLES。 Who； my honest George Hastings？ As worthy a
fellow as lives； and the girl could not have made a more prudent choice。
HARDCASTLE。 Then； by the hand of my body； I'm proud of the
connexion。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Well； if he has taken away the lady； he has
not taken her fortune； that remains in this family to console us for her loss。
HARDCASTLE。 Sure； Dorothy； you would not be so mercenary？
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Ay； that's my affair； not yours。
HARDCASTLE。 But you know if your son； when of age； refuses to
marry his cousin； her whole fortune is then at her own disposal。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Ay； but he's not of age； and she has not
thought proper to wait for his refusal。
Enter HASTINGS and MISS NEVILLE。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 （Aside。） What； returned so soon！ I
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begin not to like it。
HASTINGS。 （To HARDCASTLE。） For my late attempt to fly off
with your niece let my present confusion be my punishment。 We are now
come back； to appeal from your justice to your humanity。 By her father's
consent； I first paid her my addresses； and our passions were first founded
in duty。
MISS NEVILLE。 Since his death； I have been obliged to stoop to
dissimulation to avoid oppression。 In an hour of levity； I was ready to
give up my fortune to secure my choice。 But I am now recovered from
the delusion； and hope from your tenderness what is denied me from a
nearer connexion。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Pshaw； pshaw！ this is all but the whining
end of a modern novel。
HARDCASTLE。 Be it what it will； I'm glad they're come back to
reclaim their due。 Come hither； Tony； boy。 Do you refuse this lady's
hand whom I now offer you？
TONY。 What signifies my refusing？ You know I can't refuse her
till I'm of age； father。
HARDCASTLE。 While I thought concealing your age； boy； was
likely to conduce to your improvement； I concurred with your mother's
desire to keep it secret。 But since I find she turns it to a wrong use； I
must now declare you have been of age these three months。
TONY。 Of age！ Am I of age； father？
HARDCASTLE。 Above three months。
TONY。 Then you'll see the first use I'll make of my liberty。 （Taking
MISS NEVILLE's hand。） Witness all men by these presents； that I；
Anthony Lumpkin； Esquire； of BLANK place； refuse you； Constantia
Neville； spinster； of no place at all； for my true and lawful wife。 So
Constance Neville may marry whom she pleases； and Tony Lumpkin is his
own man again。
SIR CHARLES。 O brave 'squire！
HASTINGS。 My worthy friend！
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 My undutiful offspring！
MARLOW。 Joy； my dear George！ I give you joy sincerely。 And
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could I prevail upon my little tyrant here to be less arbitrary； I should be
the happiest man alive； if you would return me the favour。
HASTINGS。 （To MISS HARDCASTLE。） Come； madam； you are
now driven to the very last scene of all your contrivances。 I know you
like him； I'm sure he loves you； and you must and shall have him。
HARDCASTLE。 （Joining their hands。） And I say so too。 And；
Mr。 Marlow； if she makes as good a wife as she has a daughter； I don't
believe you'll ever repent your bargain。 So now to supper。 To…morrow
we shall gather all the poor of the parish about us； and the mistakes of the
night shall be crowned with a merry morning。 So； boy； take her； and as
you have been mistaken in the mistress； my wish is； that you may never be
mistaken in the wife。 ＇Exeunt Omnes。＇
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