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triumphant in the Isle of the Brave and Land of the Free （by which； of
course； I mean to say agin； Britannia）。 Our young ladies； Miss Whiff；
Miss Piff； and Mrs。 Sniff； was unanimous opposed to her going； for； as
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they says to Our Missis one and all； it is well beknown to the hends of the
herth as no other nation except Britain has a idea of anythink； but above
all of business。 Why then should you tire yourself to prove what is
already proved？ Our Missis； however （being a teazer at all pints） stood
out grim obstinate； and got a return pass by Southeastern Tidal； to go right
through； if such should be her dispositions； to Marseilles。
Sniff is husband to Mrs。 Sniff； and is a regular insignificant cove。 He
looks arter the sawdust department in a back room； and is sometimes；
when we are very hard put to it； let behind the counter with a corkscrew；
but never when it can be helped； his demeanour towards the public being
disgusting servile。 How Mrs。 Sniff ever come so far to lower herself as
to marry him； I don't know； but I suppose he does； and I should think he
wished he didn't； for he leads a awful life。 Mrs。 Sniff couldn't be much
harder with him if he was public。 Similarly； Miss Whiff and Miss Piff；
taking the tone of Mrs。 Sniff； they shoulder Sniff about when he IS let in
with a corkscrew； and they whisk things out of his hands when in his
servility he is a…going to let the public have 'em； and they snap him up
when in the crawling baseness of his spirit he is a…going to answer a public
question； and they drore more tears into his eyes than ever the mustard
does which he all day long lays on to the sawdust。 （But it ain't strong。）
Once； when Sniff had the repulsiveness to reach across to get the milk…pot
to hand over for a baby； I see Our Missis in her rage catch him by both his
shoulders； and spin him out into the Bandolining Room。
But Mrs。 Sniff；how different！ She's the one！ She's the one as
you'll notice to be always looking another way from you； when you look
at her。 She's the one with the small waist buckled in tight in front； and
with the lace cuffs at her wrists； which she puts on the edge of the counter
before her； and stands a smoothing while the public foams。 This
smoothing the cuffs and looking another way while the public foams is the
last accomplishment taught to the young ladies as come to Mugby to be
finished by Our Missis； and it's always taught by Mrs。 Sniff。
When Our Missis went away upon her journey； Mrs。 Sniff was left in
charge。 She did hold the public in check most beautiful！ In all my time；
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I never see half so many cups of tea given without milk to people as
wanted it with； nor half so many cups of tea with milk given to people as
wanted it without。 When foaming ensued； Mrs。 Sniff would say： 〃Then
you'd better settle it among yourselves； and change with one another。〃 It
was a most highly delicious lark。 I enjoyed the Refreshmenting business
more than ever； and was so glad I had took to it when young。
Our Missis returned。 It got circulated among the young ladies； and it
as it might be penetrated to me through the crevices of the Bandolining
Room； that she had Orrors to reveal； if revelations so contemptible could
be dignified with the name。 Agitation become awakened。 Excitement
was up in the stirrups。 Expectation stood a… tiptoe。 At length it was put
forth that on our slacked evening in the week； and at our slackest time of
that evening betwixt trains； Our Missis would give her views of foreign
Refreshmenting； in the Bandolining Room。
It was arranged tasteful for the purpose。 The Bandolining table and
glass was hid in a corner； a arm…chair was elevated on a packing… case for
Our Missis's ockypation； a table and a tumbler of water （no sherry in it；
thankee） was placed beside it。 Two of the pupils； the season being
autumn； and hollyhocks and dahlias being in； ornamented the wall with
three devices in those flowers。 On one might be read； 〃MAY ALBION
NEVER LEARN；〃 on another 〃KEEP THE PUBLIC DOWN；〃 on another；
〃OUR REFRESHMENTING CHARTER。〃 The whole had a beautiful
appearance； with which the beauty of the sentiments corresponded。
On Our Missis's brow was wrote Severity； as she ascended the fatal
platform。 （Not that that was anythink new。） Miss Whiff and Miss Piff
sat at her feet。 Three chairs from the Waiting Room might have been
perceived by a average eye； in front of her； on which the pupils was
accommodated。 Behind them a very close observer might have discerned
a Boy。 Myself。
〃Where；〃 said Our Missis； glancing gloomily around； 〃is Sniff？〃
〃I thought it better；〃 answered Mrs。 Sniff； 〃that he should not be let to
come in。 He is such an Ass。〃
〃No doubt；〃 assented Our Missis。 〃But for that reason is it not
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desirable to improve his mind？〃
〃Oh； nothing will ever improve HIM；〃 said Mrs。 Sniff。
〃However；〃 pursued Our Missis； 〃call him in； Ezekiel。〃
I called him in。 The appearance of the low…minded cove was hailed
with disapprobation from all sides； on account of his having brought his
corkscrew with him。 He pleaded 〃the force of habit。〃
〃The force！〃 said Mrs。 Sniff。 〃Don't let us have you talking about
force； for Gracious' sake。 There！ Do stand still where you are； with
your back against the wall。〃
He is a smiling piece of vacancy； and he smiled in the mean way in
which he will even smile at the public if he gets a chance （language can
say no meaner of him）； and he stood upright near the door with the back of
his head agin the wall； as if he was a waiting for somebody to come and
measure his heighth for the Army。
〃I should not enter； ladies；〃 says Our Missis； 〃on the revolting
disclosures I am about to make； if it was not in the hope that they will
cause you to be yet more implacable in the exercise of the power you
wield in a constitutional country； and yet more devoted to the
constitutional motto which I see before me；〃it was behind her； but the
words sounded better so；〃'May Albion never learn！'〃
Here the pupils as had made the motto admired it； and cried； 〃Hear！
Hear！ Hear！〃 Sniff； showing an inclination to join in chorus； got
himself frowned down by every brow。
〃The baseness of the French；〃 pursued Our Missis； 〃as displayed in the
fawning nature of their Refreshmenting； equals； if not surpasses； anythink
as was ever heard of the baseness of the celebrated Bonaparte。〃
Miss Whiff； Miss Piff； and me； we drored a heavy breath； equal to
saying； 〃We thought as much！〃 Miss Whiff and Miss Piff seeming to
object to my droring mine along with theirs； I drored another to aggravate
'em。
〃Shall I be believed；〃 says Our Missis； with flashing eyes； 〃when I tell
you that no sooner had I set my foot upon that treacherous shore〃
Here Sniff； either bursting out mad； or thinking aloud； says； in a low
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voice： 〃Feet。 Plural； you know。〃
The cowering that come upon him when he was spurned by all eyes；
added to his being beneath contempt； was sufficient punishment for a cove
so grovelling。 In the midst of a silence rendered more impressive by the
turned…up female noses with which it was pervaded； Our Missis went on：
〃Shall I be believed when I tell you； that no sooner had I landed；〃 this
word with a killing look at Sniff； 〃on that treacherous shore； than I was
ushered into a Refreshment Room where there wereI do not exaggera