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fair to add that everything in the room was perfectly clean； as was the
coarse table linen in the dining room。
The meals were in harmony with the rooms and furniture； consisting
only of the strict necessities； cooked with a Spartan disregard for such
sybarite foibles as seasoning or dressing。 I believe there was a substantial
meal somewhere in the early morning hours； but I never succeeded in
getting down in time to inspect it。 By successful bribery； I induced one of
the village belles； who served at table； to bring a cup of coffee to my room。
The first morning it appeared already poured out in the cup； with sugar
and cold milk added at her discretion。 At one o'clock a dinner was served；
consisting of soup （occasionally）； one meat dish and attendant vegetables；
a meagre dessert； and nothing else。 At half…past six there was an equally
rudimentary meal； called 〃tea；〃 after which no further food was distributed
to the inmates； who all； however； seemed perfectly contented with this
arrangement。 In fact they apparently looked on the act of eating as a
disagreeable task； to be hurried through as soon as possible that they might
return to their aimless rocking and chattering。
Instead of dinner hour being the feature of the day； uniting people
around an attractive table； and attended by conversation； and the meal
lasting long enough for one's food to be properly eaten； it was rushed
through as though we were all trying to catch a train。 Then； when the meal
was over； the boarders relapsed into apathy again。
No one ever called this hospitable home a boarding…house； for the
proprietor was furious if it was given that name。 He also scorned the idea
of keeping a hotel。 So that I never quite understood in what relation he
stood toward us。 He certainly considered himself our host； and ignored the
financial side of the question severely。 In order not to hurt his feelings by
speaking to him of money； we were obliged to get our bills by strategy
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from a male subordinate。 Mine host and his family were apparently
unaware that there were people under their roof who paid them for board
and lodging。 We were all looked upon as guests and 〃entertained；〃 and our
rights impartially ignored。
Nothing； I find； is so distinctive of New England as this graceful
veiling of the practical side of life。 The landlady always reminded me； by
her manner； of Barrie's description of the bill… sticker's wife who 〃cut〃 her
husband when she chanced to meet him 〃professionally〃 engaged。 As a
result of this extreme detachment from things material； the house ran itself；
or was run by incompetent Irish and negro 〃help。〃 There were no bells in
the rooms； which simplified the service； and nothing could be ordered out
of meal hours。
The material defects in board and lodging sink； however； into
insignificance before the moral and social unpleasantness of an
establishment such as this。 All ages； all conditions； and all creeds are
promiscuously huddled together。 It is impossible to choose whom one
shall know or whom avoid。 A horrible burlesque of family life is enabled；
with all its inconveniences and none of its sanctity。 People from different
cities； with different interests and standards； are expected to 〃chum〃
together in an intimacy that begins with the eight o'clock breakfast and
ends only when all retire for the night。 No privacy； no isolation is allowed。
If you take a book and begin to read in a remote corner of a parlor or
piazza； some idle matron or idiotic girl will tranquilly invade your poor
little bit of privacy and gabble of her affairs and the day's gossip。 There is
no escape unless you mount to your ten…by… twelve cell and sit （like the
Premiers of England when they visit Balmoral） on the bed； to do your
writing； for want of any other conveniences。 Even such retirement is
resented by the boarders。 You are thought to be haughty and to give
yourself airs if you do not sit for twelve consecutive hours each day in
unending conversation with them。
When one reflects that thousands of our countrymen pass at least one…
half of their lives in these asylums； and that thousands more in America
know no other homes； but move from one hotel to another； while the same
outlay would procure them cosy； cheerful dwellings； it does seem as if
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these modern Arabs； Holmes's 〃Folding Bed… ouins；〃 were gradually
returning to prehistoric habits and would end by eating roots
promiscuously in caves。
The contradiction appears more marked the longer one reflects on the
love of independence and impatience of all restraint that characterize our
race。 If such an institution had been conceived by people of the Old World；
accustomed to moral slavery and to a thousand petty tyrannies； it would
not be so remarkable； but that we； of all the races of the earth； should have
created a form of torture unknown to Louis XI。 or to the Spanish
Inquisitors； is indeed inexplicable！ Outside of this happy land the
institution is unknown。 The PENSION when it exists abroad； is only an
exotic growth for an American market。 Among European nations it is
undreamed of； the poorest when they travel take furnished rooms； where
they are served in private； or go to restaurants or TABLE D'HOTES for
their meals。 In a strictly continental hotel the public parlor does not exist。
People do not travel to make acquaintances； but for health or recreation； or
to improve their minds。 The enforced intimacy of our American family
house； with its attendant quarrelling and back…biting； is an infliction of
which Europeans are in happy ignorance。
One explanation； only； occurs to me； which is that among New
England people； largely descended from Puritan stock； there still lingers
some blind impulse at self…mortification； an hereditary inclination to make
this life as disagreeable as possible by self… immolation。 Their ancestors；
we are told by Macaulay； suppressed bull baiting； not because it hurt the
bull； but because it gave pleasure to the people。 Here in New England they
refused the Roman dogma of Purgatory and then with complete
inconsistency； invented the boarding…house； in order； doubtless； to take as
much of the joy as possible out of this life； as a preparation for endless
bliss in the next。
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CHAPTER 15 … A False Start
HAVING had； during a wandering existence； many opportunities of
observing my compatriots away from home and familiar surroundings in
various circles of cosmopolitan society； at foreign courts； in diplomatic life；
or unofficial capacities； I am forced to acknowledge that whereas my
countrywoman invariably assumed her new position with grace and
dignity； my countryman； in the majority of cases； appeared at a
disadvantage。
I take particular pleasure in making this tribute to my 〃sisters〃 tact and
wit； as I have been accused of being 〃hard〃 on American women； and
some half…humorous criticisms have been taken seriously by over…
susceptible women … doubtless troubled with guilty consciences for
nothing is more exact than the old French proverb； 〃It is only the truth that
wounds。〃
The fact remains clear； however； that American men； as regards polish；
facility in expressing themselves in foreign languages； the arts of pleasing
and entertaining； in short； the thousand and one nothings composing that
agreeable whole； a cultivated member