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the daisy chain, or aspirations-第26章

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〃Are these verses of poor Ethel's safe at home?〃

〃Yes; I took care of that。  Mind you don't tell anyone; Margaret; I
never told even Norman。〃

〃But all your school…fellows aren't like these?  You have Hector
Ernescliffe。〃

〃He's a nice fellow enough; but he is little; and down in the school。
'Twould be making a fourth form of myself to be after him。  The fact
is; Margaret; they are a low; ungentlemanly lot just now; about sixth
and upper fifth form;〃 said Harry; lowering his voice into an anxious
confidential tone; 〃and since Norman has been less amongst them;
they've got worse; and you see; now home is different; and he isn't
like what he was; I'm thrown on them; and I want to get out of it。  I
didn't know that was it before; but Richard showed me what set me on
thinking of it; and I see she knew all about it。〃

〃That she did!  There is a great deal in what you say; Harry; but you
know she thought nothing would be of real use but changing within。
If you don't get a root of strength in yourself; your ship will be no
better to you than schoolthere will be idle midshipmen as well as
idle school…boys。〃

〃Yes; I know;〃 said Harry; 〃but do you think papa will consent?  She
would not have minded。〃

〃I can't tell。  I should think he would; but if any scheme is to come
to good; it must begin by your telling him of the going out
shooting。〃

Harry sighed。  〃I'd have done it long ago if she was here;〃 he said。
〃I never did anything so bad before without telling; and I don't like
it at all。  It seems to come between him and me when I wish him good…
night。〃

〃Then; Harry; pray do tell him。  You'll have no comfort if you
don't。〃

〃I know I shan't; but then he'll be so angry!  And; do you know;
Margaret; 'twas worse than I told you; for a covey of partridges got
up; and unluckily I had got the gun; and I fired and killed one; and
that was regular poaching; you know!  And when we heard some one
coming; how we did cut!  Axthe other fellow; I mean; got it; and
cooked it in his bedroom; and ate it for supper; and he laughs about
it; but I have felt so horrid all the week!  Suppose a keeper had got
a summons!〃

〃I can only say again; the only peace will be in telling。〃

〃Yes; but he will be so angry。  When that lot of fellows a year or
two ago did something like it; and shot some of the Abbotstoke
rabbits; don't you remember how much he said about its being
disgraceful; and ordering us never to have anything to do with their
gunnery?  And he will think it so very bad to have gone out on a lark
just now!  Oh; I wish I hadn't done it。〃

〃So do I; indeed; Harry! but I am sure; even it he should be angry at
first; he will he pleased with your confessing。〃

Harry looked very reluctant and disconsolate; and his sister did not
wonder for Dr。 May's way of hearing of a fault was never to be
calculated on。  〃Come; Harry;〃 said she; 〃if he is ever so angry;
though I don't think he will be; do you think that will be half as
bad as this load at your heart?  Besides; if you are not bold enough
to speak to him; do you think you can ever be brave enough for a
sailor?〃

〃I will;〃 said Harry; and the words were hardly spoken; before his
father's hand was on the door。  He was taken by surprise at the
moment of trial coming so speedily; and had half a mind to retreat by
the other door; he was stayed by the reflection that Margaret would
think him a coward; unfit for a sailor; and he made up his mind to
endure whatever might betide。

〃Harry here?  This is company I did not expect。〃

〃Harry has something to say to you; papa。〃

〃Eh! my boy; what is it?〃 said he kindly。

〃Papa; I have killed a partridge。  Two fellows got me to hire a gun;
and go out shooting with them last Saturday;〃 said Harry; speaking
firmly and boldly now he had once begun。 〃We meant only to go after
pee…wits; but a partridge got up; and I killed it。〃

Then came a pause。  Harry stopped; and Dr。 May waited; half expecting
to hear that the boy was only brought to confession by finding
himself in a scrape。  Margaret spoke。  〃And he could not be happy
till he had told you。〃

〃Is it so?  Is that the whole?〃 said the doctor; looking at his son
with a keen glance; between affection and inquiry; as if only waiting
to be sure the confession was free; before he gave his free
forgiveness。

〃Yes; papa;〃 said Harry; his voice and lip losing their firmness; as
the sweetness of expression gained the day on his father's face。
〃Only that I know'twas very wrongespecially nowand I am very
sorryand I beg your pardon。〃

The latter words came between sighs; fast becoming sobs; in spite of
Harry's attempts to control them; as his father held out his arm; and
drew him close to him。

〃That's mamma's own brave boy;〃 he said in his earin a voice which
strong feeling had reduced to such a whisper; that even Margaret
could not hearshe only saw how Harry; sobbing aloud; clung tighter
and tighter to him; till he said 〃Take care of my arm!〃 and Harry
sprang back at least a yard; with such a look of dismay; that the
doctor laughed。  〃No harm done!〃 said he。  〃I was only a little in
dread of such a young lion!  Comeback; Harry;〃 and he took his hand。
〃It was a bad piece of work; and it will never do for you to let
yourself be drawn into every bit of mischief that is on foot; I
believe I ought to give you a good lecture on it; but I can't do it;
after such a straightforward confession。  You must have gone through
enough in the last week; not to be likely to do it again。〃

〃Yes; papathank you。〃

〃I suppose I must not ask you any questions about it; for fear of
betraying the fellows;〃 said Dr。 May; half smiling。

〃Thank you; papa;〃 said Harry; infinitely relieved and grateful; and
quite content for some space to lean in silence against the chair;
with that encircling arm round him; while some talk passed between
his father and Margaret。

What a world of thought passed through the boy's young soul in that
space!  First; there was a thrill of intense; burning love to his
father; scarcely less fondness to his sweet motherly sister; a
clinging feeling to every chair and table of that room; which seemed
still full of his mother's presence; a numbering over of all the
others with ardent attachment; and a flinging from him with horror
the notion of asking to be far away from that dearest father; that
loving home; that arm that was round him。  Anything rather than be
without them in the dreary world!  But then came the remembrance of
cherished visions; the shame of relinquishing a settled purpose; the
thought of weary morrows; with the tempters among his playmates; and
his home blank and melancholy; and the roaming spirit of enterprise
stirred again; and reproached him with being a baby; for fancying he
could stay at home for ever。  He would come back again with such
honours as Allan Ernescliffe had brought; and oh! if his father so
prized them in a stranger; what would it be in his own son?  Come
home to such a greeting as would make up for the parting!  Harry's
heart throbbed again for the boundless sea; the tall ship; and the
wondrous foreign climes; where he had so often lived in fancy。
Should he; could he speak: was this the moment? and he stood gazing
at the fire; oppressed with the weighty reality of deciding his
destiny。  At last Dr。 May looked in his face; 〃Well; what now; boy?
You have your head full of somethingwhat's coming next?〃

Out it came; 〃Papa will you let me be a sailor?〃

〃Oh!〃 said Dr。 May; 〃that is come on again; is it?  I thought that
you had forgotten all that。〃

〃No; papa;〃 said Harry; with the manly coolness that the sense of his
determination gave him〃it was not a mere fancy; and I have never
had it out of my head。  I mean it quite in earnestI had rather be a
sailor。  I don't wish to get away from Latin and Greek; I don't mind
them; but I think I could be a better sailor than anything。  I know
it is not all play; but I am willing to rough it; and I am getting so
old; it is time to see about it; so will you consent to it; papa?〃

〃Well! there's some sense in your way of putting it;〃 said Dr。 May。
〃You have it strong in your head then; and you know 'tis not all
fair…weather work!〃

〃That I do; Alan told me histories; and I've read all about it; but
one must rough it anywhere; and if I am ever so far away; I'll try
not to forget what's right。  I'll do my duty; and not care for
danger。〃

〃Well said; my man; but remember 'tis easier talking by one's own
fireside than doing when the trial comes。〃

〃And will you let me; papa?〃

〃I'll think about it。  I can't make up my mind as 'quick as
directly;' you know; Harry;〃 said his father; smiling kindly; 〃but I
won't treat it as a boy's fancy; for you've spoken in a manly way;
and deserve to be attended to。  Now run down; and tell the girls to
put away their work; for I shall come down in a minute to read
prayers。〃

Harry went; and his father sighed and mused!  〃That's a fine fellow!
So this is what comes of bringing sick sailors homeone's own boys
must be catching the infection。  Little monkey; he talks as wisely as
if he were forty!  He is really set on it; do you think; Margaret?
I'm afraid so!〃

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