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the new machiavelli-第95章

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as much as possible of its affairs in working order before I left 

London with Isabel。  I just missed Shoesmith in the lower office。  

Upstairs I found Britten amidst a pile of outside articles; 

methodically reading the title of each and sometimes the first half…

dozen lines; and either dropping them in a growing heap on the floor 

for a clerk to return; or putting them aside for consideration。  I 

interrupted him; squatted on the window…sill of the open window; and 

sketched out my ideas for the session。



〃You're far…sighted;〃 he remarked at something of mine which reached 

out ahead。



〃I like to see things prepared;〃 I answered。



〃Yes;〃 he said; and ripped open the envelope of a fresh aspirant。



I was silent while he read。



〃You're going away with Isabel Rivers;〃 he said abruptly。



〃Well!〃 I said; amazed。



〃I know;〃 he said; and lost his breath。  〃Not my business。  Only〃



It was queer to find Britten afraid to say a thing。



〃It's not playing the game;〃 he said。



〃What do you know?〃



〃Everything that matters。〃



〃Some games;〃 I said; 〃are too hard to play。〃



There came a pause between us。



〃I didn't know you were watching all this;〃 I said。



〃Yes;〃 he answered; after a pause; 〃I've watched。〃



〃Sorrysorry you don't approve。〃



〃It means smashing such an infernal lot of things; Remington。〃



I did not answer。



〃You're going away then?〃



〃Yes。〃



〃Soon?〃



〃Right away。〃



〃There's vour wife。〃



〃I know。〃



〃Shoesmithwhom you're pledged to in a manner。  You've just picked 

him out and made him conspicuous。  Every one will know。  Oh! of 

courseit's nothing to you。  Honour〃



〃I know。〃



〃Common decency。〃



I nodded。



〃All this movement of ours。  That's what I care for most。 。 。 。  

It's come to be a big thing; Remington。〃



〃That will go on。〃



〃We have a use for youno one else quite fills it。  No one。 。 。 。  

I'm not sure it will go on。〃



〃Do you think I haven't thought of all these things?〃



He shrugged his shoulders; and rejected two papers unread。



〃I knew;〃 he remarked; 〃when you came back from America。  You were 

alight with it。〃 Then he let his bitterness gleam for a moment。  

〃But I thought you would stick to your bargain。〃



〃It's not so much choice as you think;〃 I said。



〃There's always a choice。〃



〃No;〃 I said。



He scrutinised my face。



〃I can't live without herI can't work。  She's all mixed up with 

thisand everything。  And besides; there's things you can't 

understand。  There's feelings you've never felt。 。 。 。  You don't 

understand how much we've been to one another。〃



Britten frowned and thought。



〃Some things one's GOT to do;〃 he threw out。



〃Some things one can't do。〃



〃These infernal institutions〃



〃Some one must begin;〃 I said。



He shook his head。  〃Not YOU;〃 he said。  〃No!〃



He stretched out his hands on the desk before him; and spoke again。



〃Remington;〃 he said; 〃I've thought of this business day and night 

too。  It matters to me。  It matters immensely to me。  In a wayit's 

a thing one doesn't often say to a manI've loved you。  I'm the 

sort of man who leads a narrow life。 。 。 。  But you've been 

something fine and good for me; since that time; do you remember? 

when we talked about Mecca together。〃



I nodded。



〃Yes。  And you'll always be something fine and good for me anyhow。  

I know things about you;qualitiesno mere act can destroy them。 。 

。 。  Well; I can tell you; you're doing wrong。  You're going on now 

like a man who is hypnotised and can't turn round。  You're piling 

wrong on wrong。  It was wrong for you two people ever to be lovers。〃



He paused。



〃It gripped us hard;〃 I said。



〃Yes!but in your position!  And hers!  It was vile!〃



〃You've not been tempted。〃



〃How do you know?  Anyhowhaving done that; you ought to have stood 

the consequences and thought of other people。  You could have ended 

it at the first pause for reflection。  You didn't。  You blundered 

again。  You kept on。  You owed a certain secrecy to all of us!  You 

didn't keep it。  You were careless。  You made things worse。  This 

engagement and this publicity!Damn it; Remington!〃



〃I know;〃 I said; with smarting eyes。  〃Damn it ! with all my heart!  

It came of trying to patch。 。 。 。  You CAN'T patch。〃



〃And now; as I care for anything under heaven; Remington; you two 

ought to stand these last consequencesand part。  You ought to 

part。  Other people have to stand things!  Other people have to 

part。  You ought to。  You saywhat do you say?  It's loss of so 

much life to lose each other。  So is losing a hand or a leg。  But 

it's what you've incurred。  Amputate。  Take your punishmentAfter 

all; you chose it。〃



〃Oh; damn!〃 I said; standing up and going to the window。



〃Damn by all means。  I never knew a topic so full of justifiable 

damns。  But you two did choose it。  You ought to stick to your 

undertaking。〃



I turned upon him with a snarl in my voice。  〃My dear Britten!〃 I 

cried。  〃Don't I KNOW I'm doing wrong?  Aren't I in a net?  Suppose 

I don't go!  Is there any right in that?  Do you think we're going 

to be much to ourselves or any one after this parting?  I've been 

thinking all last night of this business; trying it over and over 

again from the beginning。  How was it we went wrong?  Since I came 

back from AmericaI grant you THATbut SINCE; there's never been a 

step that wasn't forced; that hadn't as much right in it or more; as 

wrong。  You talk as though I was a thing of steel that could bend 

this way or that and never change。  You talk as though Isabel was a 

cat one could give to any kind of owner。 。 。 。  We two are things 

that change and grow and alter all the time。  We'reso interwoven 

that being parted now will leave us just misshapen cripples。 。 。 。  

You don't know the motives; you don't know the rush and feel of 

things; you don't know how it was with us; and how it is with us。  

You don't know the hunger for the mere sight of one another; you 

don't know anything。〃



Britten looked at his finger…nails closely。  His red face puckered 

to a wry frown。  〃Haven't we all at times wanted the world put 

back?〃 he grunted; and looked hard and close at one particular nail。



There was a long pause。



〃I want her;〃 I said; 〃and I'm going to have her。  I'm too tired for 

balancing the right or wrong of it any more。  You can't separate 

them。  I saw her yesterday。 。 。 。  She'sill。 。 。 。  I'd take her 

now; if death were just outside the door waiting for us。〃



〃Torture?〃



I thought。  〃Yes。〃



〃For her?〃



〃There isn't;〃 I said。



〃If there was?〃



I made no answer。



〃It's blind Want。  And there's nothing ever been put into you to 

stand against it。  What are you going to do with the rest of your 

lives?〃



〃No end of things。〃



〃Nothing。〃



〃I don't believe you are right;〃 I said。  〃I believe we can save 

something〃



Britten shook his head。  〃Some scraps of salvage won't excuse you;〃 

he said。



His indignation rose。  〃In the middle of life!〃 he said。  〃No man 

has a right to take his hand from the plough!〃



He leant forward on his desk and opened an argumentative palm。  〃You 

know; Remington;〃 he said; 〃and I know; that if this could be fended 

off for six monthsif you could be clapped in prison; or got out of 

the way somehow;until this marriage was all over and settled down 

for a year; sayyou know then you two could meet; curious; happy; 

as friends。  Saved!  You KNOW it。〃



I turned and stared at him。  〃You're wrong; Britten;〃 I said。  〃And 

does it matter if we could?〃



I found that in talking to him I could frame the apologetics I had 

not been able to find for myself alone。



〃I am certain of one thing; Britten。  It is our duty not to hush up 

this scandal。〃



He raised his eyebrows。  I perceived now the element of absurdity in 

me; but at the time I was as serious as a man who is burning。



〃It's our duty;〃 I went on; 〃to smash now openly in the sight of 

every one。  Yes!  I've got that as clean and plainas prison 

whitewash。  I am convinced that we have got to be public to the 

uttermost nowI mean ituntil every corner of our world knows this 

story; knows it fully; adds it to the Parnell story and the Ashton 

Dean story and the Carmel story and the Witterslea story; and all 

the other stories that have picked man after man out of English 

public life; the men with active imaginations; the men of strong 

initiative。  To think this tottering old…woman ridden Empire should 

dare to waste a man on such a score!  You say I ought to be 

penitent〃



Britten shook his head and smiled very faintly。



〃I'm boiling with indignation;〃 I said。  〃 I lay in bed last night 

and went through it all。  What in God's name was to be expected
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