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That remained the state of our relations for two days。 I developed
a growing irritation with and resentment against cousin Sybil；
combined with an intense desire to get that kiss for which I
hungered and thirsted。 Cousin Sybil went about in the happy
persuasion that I was madly in love with her； and her game； so far
as she was concerned； was played and won。 It wasn't until I had
fretted for two days that I realised that I was being used for the
commonest form of excitement possible to a commonplace girl； that
dozens perhaps of young men had played the part of Tantalus at
cousin Sybil's lips。 I walked about my room at nights； damning her
and calling her by terms which on the whole she rather deserved；
while Sybil went to sleep pitying 〃poor old Dick！〃
〃Damn it！〃 I said； 〃I WILL be equal with you。〃
But I never did equalise the disadvantage； and perhaps it's as well；
for I fancy that sort of revenge cuts both people too much for a
rational man to seek it。 。 。 。
〃Why are men so silly？〃 said cousin Sybil next morning； wriggling
back with down…bent head to release herself from what should have
been a compelling embrace。
〃Confound it！〃 I said with a flash of clear vision。 〃You STARTED
this game。〃
〃Oh！〃
She stood back against a hedge of roses； a little flushed and
excited and interested； and ready for the delightful defensive if I
should renew my attack。
〃Beastly hot for scuffling；〃 I said； white with anger。 〃I don't
know whether I'm so keen on kissing you； Sybil； after all。 I just
thought you wanted me to。〃
I could have whipped her； and my voice stung more than my words。
Our eyes met； a real hatred in hers leaping up to meet mine。
〃Let's play tennis；〃 I said； after a moment's pause。
〃No；〃 she answered shortly； 〃I'm going indoors。〃
〃Very well。〃
And that ended the affair with Sybil。
I was still in the full glare of this disillusionment when Gertrude
awoke from some preoccupation to an interest in my existence。 She
developed a disposition to touch my hand by accident； and let her
fingers rest in contact with it for a moment；she had pleasant soft
hands；she began to drift into summer houses with me； to let her
arm rest trustfully against mine； to ask questions about Cambridge。
They were much the same questions that Sybil had asked。 But I
controlled myself and maintained a profile of intelligent and
entirely civil indifference to her blandishments。
What Gertrude made of it came out one evening in some talkI forget
about whatwith Sybil。
〃Oh； Dick！〃 said Gertrude a little impatiently； 〃Dick's Pi。〃
And I never disillusioned her by any subsequent levity from this
theory of my innate and virginal piety。
6
It was against this harsh and crude Staffordshire background that I
think I must have seen Margaret for the first time。 I say I think
because it is quite possible that we had passed each other in the
streets of Cambridge； no doubt with that affectation of mutual
disregard which was once customary between undergraduates and
Newnham girls。 But if that was so I had noted nothing of the
slender graciousness that shone out so pleasingly against the
bleaker midland surroundings。
She was a younger schoolfellow of my cousins'； and the step…daughter
of Seddon； a prominent solicitor of Burslem。 She was not only not
in my cousins' generation but not in their set； she was one of a
small hardworking group who kept immaculate note…books； and did as
much as is humanly possible of that insensate pile of written work
that the Girls' Public School movement has inflicted upon school…
girls。 She really learnt French and German admirably and
thoroughly； she got as far in mathematics as an unflinching industry
can carry any one with no great natural aptitude； and she went up to
Bennett Hall； Newnham； after the usual conflict with her family； to
work for the History Tripos。
There in her third year she made herself thoroughly ill through
overwork； so ill that she had to give up Newnham altogether and go
abroad with her stepmother。 She made herself ill； as so many girls
do in those university colleges； through the badness of her home and
school training。 She thought study must needs be a hard straining
of the mind。 She worried her work； she gave herself no leisure to
see it as a whole； she felt herself not making headway and she cut
her games and exercise in order to increase her hours of toil； and
worked into the night。 She carried a knack of laborious
thoroughness into the blind alleys and inessentials of her subject。
It didn't need the badness of the food for which Bennett Hall is
celebrated and the remarkable dietary of nocturnal cocoa； cakes and
soft biscuits with which the girls have supplemented it； to ensure
her collapse。 Her mother brought her home； fretting and distressed；
and then finding her hopelessly unhappy at home； took her and her
half…brother； a rather ailing youngster of ten who died three years
later； for a journey to Italy。
Italy did much to assuage Margaret's chagrin。 I think all three of
them had a very good time there。 At home Mr。 Seddon； her step…
father； played the part of a well…meaning blight by reason of the
moods that arose from nervous dyspepsia。 They went to Florence；
equipped with various introductions and much sound advice from
sympathetic Cambridge friends； and having acquired an ease in Italy
there； went on to Siena； Orvieto； and at last Rome。 They returned；
if I remember rightly； by Pisa； Genoa； Milan and Paris。 Six months
or more they had had abroad； and now Margaret was back in Burslem；
in health again and consciously a very civilised person。
New ideas were abroad； it was Maytime and a spring of abundant
flowersdaffodils were particularly good that yearand Mrs。 Seddon
celebrated her return by giving an afternoon reception at short
notice； with the clear intention of letting every one out into the
garden if the weather held。
The Seddons had a big old farmhouse modified to modern ideas of
comfort on the road out towards Misterton； with an orchard that had
been rather pleasantly subdued from use to ornament。 It had rich
blossoming cherry and apple trees。 Large patches of grass full of
nodding yellow trumpets had been left amidst the not too precisely
mown grass； which was as it were grass path with an occasional lapse
into lawn or glade。 And Margaret； hatless； with the fair hair above
her thin； delicately pink face very simply done； came to meet our
rather too consciously dressed party；we had come in the motor four
strong； with my aunt in grey silk。 Margaret wore a soft flowing
flowered blue dress of diaphanous material； all unconnected with the
fashion and tied with pretty ribbons； like a slenderer； unbountiful
Primavera。
It was one of those May days that ape the light and heat of summer；
and I remember disconnectedly quite a number of brightly lit figures
and groups walking about； and a white gate between orchard and
garden and a large lawn with an oak tree and a red Georgian house
with a verandah and open French windows； through which the tea
drinking had come out upon the moss…edged flagstones even as Mrs。
Seddon had planned。
The party was almost entirely feminine except for a little curate
with a large head； a good voice and a radiant manner； who was
obviously attracted by Margaret； and two or three young husbands
still sufficiently addicted to their wives to accompany them。 One
of them I recall as a quite romantic figure with abundant blond
curly hair on which was poised a grey felt hat encircled by a
refined black band。 He wore； moreover； a loose rich shot silk tie
of red and purple； a long frock coat； grey trousers and brown shoes；
and presently he removed his hat and carried it in one hand。 There
were two tennis…playing youths besides myself。 There was also one
father with three daughters in anxious control； a father of the old
school scarcely half broken in； reluctant； rebellious and
consciously and conscientiously 〃reet Staffordshire。〃 The daughters
were all alert to suppress the possible plungings； the undesirable
humorous impulses of this almost feral guest。 They nipped his very
gestures in the bud。 The rest of the people were mainly mothers
with daughtersdaughters of all ages； and a scattering of aunts；
and there was a tendency to clotting； parties kept together and
regarded parties suspiciously。 Mr。 Seddon was in hiding； I think；
all the time； though not formally absent。
Matters centred upon the tea in the long room of the French windows；
where four trim maids went to and fro busily between the house and
the clumps of people seated or standing before it； and tennis and
croquet were intermittently visible and audible beyond a bank of