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SCENE I
SOSIE
Who goes there？ Eh？ My fear grows with every step。 Gentlemen； I am
a friend to all the world。 Ah！ What unparalleled boldness； to be out at this
hour！ My master is crowned with fame； but what a villainous trick he
plays me here！ What？ If he had any love for his neighbour； would he have
sent me out in such a black night？ Could he not just as well have waited
until it was day before sending me to announce his return and the details
of his victory？ To what servitude are thy days subjected； Sosie！ Our lot is
far more hard with the great than with the mean。 They insist that
everything in nature should be compelled to sacrifice itself for them。
Night and day； hail； wind； peril； heat； cold； as soon as they speak we must
fly。 Twenty years of assiduous service do not gain us any consideration
from them。 The least little whim draws down upon us their anger。
Notwithstanding this； our infatuated hearts cling to the empty honour
of remaining near them； contented with the false idea； which every one
holds； that we are happy。 In vain reason bids us retire； in vain our spite
sometimes consents to this； to be near them is too powerful an influence
on our zeal； and the least favour of a caressing glance immediately re…
engages us。 But at last； I see our house through the darkness； and my fear
vanishes。
I must prepare some thought…out speech for my mission。 I must give
Alcmene warlike description of the fierce combat which put our enemies
to flight。 But how the deuce can I do this since I was not there？ Never
mind； let us talk of cut and thrust； as though I were an eyewitness。 How
many people describe battles from which they remained far away！ In order
to act my part without discredit； I will rehearse it a little。
This is the chamber into which I am ushered as the messenger： this
lantern is Alcmene； to whom I have to speak。 （He sets his lantern on the
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ground and salutes it。） 'Madam； Amphitryon； my master and your
husband； 。。。 （Good！ that is a fine beginning！） whose mind is ever full of
your charms； has chosen me from amongst all to bring tidings of the
success of his arms； and of his desire to be near you。' 'Ah！ Really； my poor
Sosie； I am delighted to see you back again。' 'Madam； you do me too much
honour： my lot is an enviable one。' （Well answered！）
'How is Amphitryon？' 'Madam； as a man of courage should be； when
glory leads him。' （Very good！ A capital idea！） 'When will my heart be
charmed and satisfied by his return？' 'As soon as possible； assuredly；
Madam； but his heart desires a speedier return。' （Ah！） 'In what state has
the war left him？ What says he？ What does he？ Ease my anxiety。' He says
less than he does； Madam； and makes his enemies tremble。' （Plague！
where do I get all these fine speeches？） 'What are the rebels doing？ Tell
me； what is their condition？' 'They could not resist our efforts； Madam； we
cut them to pieces； put their chief； Pterelas； to death； took Telebos by
assault； and now the port rings with our prowess。' 'Ah！ What a success！ Ye
Gods！ Who could ever have imagined it？ Tell me； Sosie； how it happened。'
'I will； gladly； Madam； and； without boasting； I can tell you； with the
greatest accuracy； the details of this victory。 Imagine； therefore； Madam；
that Telebos is on this side。 （He marks the places on his hand； or on the
ground。） It is a city really almost as large as Thebes。 The river is； say； there。
Here； our people encamped； and that space was occupied by our enemies。
On a height； somewhere about here； was their infantry； and； lower down；
on the right side； was their cavalry。 After having addressed prayers to the
Gods； and issued all the orders； the signal was given。 The enemy； thinking
to turn our flank； divided their horse soldiers into three platoons； but we
soon chilled their warmth； and you shall see how。 Here is our vanguard
ready to begin work； there； were the archers of our king； Creon； and here；
the main army （some one makes a slight noise）； which was just going
to 。 。 。 Stay； the main body is afraid'； I think I hear some noise。
SCENE II
MERCURY； SOSIE
MERC。 （Under the form of Sosie。） Under this mask which resembles
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him； I will drive away the babbler from here。 His unfortunate arrival may
disturb the pleasures our lovers are tasting together。
SOS。 My heart revives a little； perhaps it was nothing。 Lest anything
untoward should happen； however； I will go in to finish the conversation。
MERC。 I shall prevent your doing that unless you are stronger than
Mercury。
SOS。 This night seems to me unusually long。 By the time I have been
on the way； either my master has taken evening for morning； or lovely
Phoebus slumbers too long in bed through having taken too much wine。
MERC。 With what irreverence this lubber speaks of the Gods！ My arm
shall soon chastise this insolence； I shall have a fine game with him；
stealing his name as well as his likeness。
SOS。 Ah！ upon my word； I was right： I am done for； miserable creature
that I am！ I see a man before our house whose mien bodes me no good。 I
will sing a little to show some semblance of assurance。
（He sings； and； when Mercury speaks； his voice weakens； little by
little。）
MERC。 What rascal is this； who takes the unwarrantable licence of
singing and deafening me like this？ Does he wish me to curry his coat for
him？
SOS。 Assuredly that fellow does not like music。
MERC。 For more than a week； I have not found any one whose bones
I could break； my arm will lose its strength in this idleness。 I must look out
for some one's back to get my wind again。
SOS。 What the deuce of a fellow is this？ My heart thrills with
clutching fear。 But why should I tremble thus？ Perhaps the rogue is as
much afraid as I am； and talks in this way to hide his fear from me under a
feigned audacity。 Yes； yes； I will not allow him to think me a goose。 If I
am not bold； I will try to appear so。 Let me seek courage by reason； he is
alone； even as I am； I am strong； I have a good master； and there is our
house。
MERC。 Who goes there？
SOS。 I。
MERC。 Who； I？
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SOS。 I。 Courage； Sosie！
MERC。 Tell me； what is your condition？
SOS。 To be a man； and to speak。
MERC。 Are you a master； or a servant？
SOS。 As fancy takes me。
MERC。 Where are you going？
SOS。 Where I intend to go。
MERC。 Ah！ This annoys me。
SOS。 I am ravished to hear it。
MERC。 By hook or by crook； I must definitely know all about you；
you wretch； what you do； whence you come before the day breaks； where
you are going； and who you may be。
SOS。 I do good and ill by turns； I come from there； I go there； I belong
to my master。
MERC。 You show wit； and I see you think to play the man of
importance for my edification。 I feel inclined to make your acquaintance
by slapping your face。
SOS。 Mine？
MERC。 Yours； and there you get it； sharp。 （Mercury gives him a slap。）
SOS。 Ah！ Ah！ This is a fine game！
MERC。 No； it is only a laughing matter； a reply to your quips。
SOS。 Good heavens！ Friend； how you swing out your arm without any
one saying anything to you。
MERC。 These are my lightest clouts； little ordinary smacks。
SOS。 If I were as hasty as you； we should have a fine ado。
MERC。 All this is nothing as yet： it is merely to fill up time； we shall
soon see something else； but let us continue our conversation。
SOS。 I give up the game。 （He turns to go away。）
MERC。 Where are you going？
SOS。 What does it matter to you？
MERC。 I want to know where you are going。
SOS。 I am going to open that door。 Why do you detain me？
MERC。 I