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the state of your sense of hearing。〃 I thought so too by that time； and I
think so now； though I can never know for absolute certain in this world；
whether it was or not。
When I left John Steadiman in charge； the ship was still going at a
great rate through the water。 The wind still blew right astern。 Though she
was making great way； she was under shortened sail； and had no more
than she could easily carry。 All was snug； and nothing complained。 There
was a pretty sea running； but not a very high sea neither； nor at all a
confused one。
I turned in； as we seamen say； all standing。 The meaning of that is； I
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did not pull my clothes offno； not even so much as my coat： though I did
my shoes； for my feet were badly swelled with the deck。 There was a little
swing…lamp alight in my cabin。 I thought； as I looked at it before shutting
my eyes； that I was so tired of darkness； and troubled by darkness； that I
could have gone to sleep best in the midst of a million of flaming gas…
lights。 That was the last thought I had before I went off； except the
prevailing thought that I should not be able to get to sleep at all。
I dreamed that I was back at Penrith again； and was trying to get round
the church； which had altered its shape very much since I last saw it； and
was cloven all down the middle of the steeple in a most singular manner。
Why I wanted to get round the church I don't know； but I was as anxious
to do it as if my life depended on it。 Indeed； I believe it did in the dream。
For all that； I could not get round the church。 I was still trying； when I
came against it with a violent shock； and was flung out of my cot against
the ship's side。 Shrieks and a terrific outcry struck me far harder than the
bruising timbers； and amidst sounds of grinding and crashing； and a heavy
rushing and breaking of watersounds I understood too wellI made my
way on deck。 It was not an easy thing to do； for the ship heeled over
frightfully； and was beating in a furious manner。
I could not see the men as I went forward； but I could hear that they
were hauling in sail； in disorder。 I had my trumpet in my hand； and； after
directing and encouraging them in this till it was done； I hailed first John
Steadiman； and then my second mate； Mr。 William Rames。 Both answered
clearly and steadily。 Now； I had practised them and all my crew； as I have
ever made it a custom to practise all who sail with me； to take certain
stations and wait my orders； in case of any unexpected crisis。 When my
voice was heard hailing； and their voices were heard answering； I was
aware； through all the noises of the ship and sea； and all the crying of the
passengers below； that there was a pause。 〃Are you ready； Rames？〃 〃Ay；
ay； sir！〃〃Then light up； for God's sake！〃 In a moment he and another
were burning blue…lights； and the ship and all on board seemed to be
enclosed in a mist of light； under a great black dome。
The light shone up so high that I could see the huge Iceberg upon
which we had struck； cloven at the top and down the middle； exactly like
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THE WRECK OF THE GOLDEN MARY
Penrith Church in my dream。 At the same moment I could see the watch
last relieved； crowding up and down on deck； I could see Mrs。 Atherfield
and Miss Coleshaw thrown about on the top of the companion as they
struggled to bring the child up from below； I could see that the masts were
going with the shock and the beating of the ship； I could see the frightful
breach stove in on the starboard side； half the length of the vessel； and the
sheathing and timbers spirting up； I could see that the Cutter was disabled；
in a wreck of broken fragments； and I could see every eye turned upon me。
It is my belief that if there had been ten thousand eyes there； I should have
seen them all； with their different looks。 And all this in a moment。 But you
must consider what a moment。
I saw the men； as they looked at me； fall towards their appointed
stations； like good men and true。 If she had not righted； they could have
done very little there or anywhere but dienot that it is little for a man to
die at his postI mean they could have done nothing to save the
passengers and themselves。 Happily； however； the violence of the shock
with which we had so determinedly borne down direct on that fatal
Iceberg； as if it had been our destination instead of our destruction； had so
smashed and pounded the ship that she got off in this same instant and
righted。 I did not want the carpenter to tell me she was filling and going
down； I could see and hear that。 I gave Rames the word to lower the Long…
boat and the Surf…boat； and I myself told off the men for each duty。 Not
one hung back； or came before the other。 I now whispered to John
Steadiman； 〃John； I stand at the gangway here； to see every soul on board
safe over the side。 You shall have the next post of honour； and shall be the
last but one to leave the ship。 Bring up the passengers； and range them
behind me； and put what provision and water you can got at； in the boats。
Cast your eye for'ard； John； and you'll see you have not a moment to lose。〃
My noble fellows got the boats over the side as orderly as I ever saw boats
lowered with any sea running； and； when they were launched； two or three
of the nearest men in them as they held on； rising and falling with the
swell； called out； looking up at me； 〃Captain Ravender； if anything goes
wrong with us； and you are saved； remember we stood by you！〃〃We'll all
stand by one another ashore； yet； please God； my lads！〃 says I。 〃Hold on
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bravely； and be tender with the women。〃
The women were an example to us。 They trembled very much； but
they were quiet and perfectly collected。 〃Kiss me； Captain Ravender；〃 says
Mrs。 Atherfield； 〃and God in heaven bless you； you good man！〃 〃My
dear；〃 says I； 〃those words are better for me than a life…boat。〃 I held her
child in my arms till she was in the boat； and then kissed the child and
handed her safe down。 I now said to the people in her； 〃You have got your
freight； my lads； all but me； and I am not coming yet awhile。 Pull away
from the ship； and keep off！〃
That was the Long…boat。 Old Mr。 Rarx was one of her complement；
and he was the only passenger who had greatly misbehaved since the ship
struck。 Others had been a little wild； which was not to be wondered at； and
not very blamable； but； he had made a lamentation and uproar which it
was dangerous for the people to hear； as there is always contagion in
weakness and selfishness。 His incessant cry had been that he must not be
separated from the child； that he couldn't see the child； and that he and the
child must go together。 He had even tried to wrest the child out of my arms；
that he might keep her in his。 〃Mr。 Rarx；〃 said I to him when it came to
that； 〃I have a loaded pistol in my pocket； and if you don't stand out of the
gang… way； and keep perfectly quiet； I shall shoot you through the heart； if
you have got one。〃 Says he； 〃You won't do murder； Captain Ravender！〃
〃No； sir；〃 says I； 〃I won't murder forty…four people to humour you； but I'll
shoot you to save them。〃 After that he was quiet； and stood shivering a
little way off； until I named him to go over the side。
The Long…boat being cast off； the Surf…boat was soon filled。 There
only remained aboard the Golden Mary； John Mullion the man who had
kept on burning the blue…lights （and who had lighted every new one at
every old one before it went out； as quietly as if he had been at an
illumination）； John Steadiman； and myself。 I hurried those two into the
Surf…boat； called to them to keep off； and waited with a grateful and
relieved heart for