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that； added to her unwillingness to see Mr。 Darcy； it determined
her not to attend her cousins to Rosings； where they were engaged
to drink tea。 Mrs。 Collins； seeing that she was really unwell； did
not press her to go； and as much as possible prevented her
husband from pressing her； but Mr Collins could not conceal his
apprehension of Lady Catherine’s being rather displeased by her
staying at home。
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CHAPTER XI
hen they were gone； Elizabeth； as if intending to
Wexasperate herself as much as possible against Mr。
Darcy； chose for her employment the examination of
all the letters which Jane had written to her since her being in
Kent。 They contained no actual complaint； nor was there any
revival of past occurrences； or any communication of present
suffering。 But in all； and in almost every line of each； there was a
want of that cheerfulness which had been used to characterize her
style； and which； proceeding from the serenity of a mind at ease
with itself； and kindly disposed towards every one； had been
scarcely ever clouded。 Elizabeth noticed every sentence conveying
the idea of uneasiness； with an attention which it had hardly
received on the first perusal。 Mr。 Darcy’s shameful boast of what
misery he had been able to inflict； gave her a keener sense of her
sister’s sufferings。 It was some consolation to think that his visit to
Rosings was to end on the day after the next； and a still greater；
that in less than a fortnight she should herself be with Jane again；
and enabled to contribute to the recovery of her spirits； by all that
affection could do。
She could not think of Darcy’s leaving Kent； without
remembering that his cousin was to go with him； but Colonel
Fitzwilliam had made it clear that he had no intentions at all； and
agreeable as he was； she did not mean to be unhappy about him。
While settling this point； she was suddenly roused by the sound
of the door bell； and her spirits were a little fluttered by the idea of
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its being Colonel Fitzwilliam himself； who had once before called
late in the evening； and might now come to enquire particularly
after her。 But this idea was soon banished； and her spirits were
very differently affected； when； to her utter amazement； she saw
Mr。 Darcy walk into the room。 In an hurried manner he
immediately began an enquiry after her health； imputing his visit
to a wish of hearing that she were better。 She answered him with
cold civility。 He sat down for a few moments； and then getting up
walked about the room。 Elizabeth was surprised； but said not a
word。 After a silence of several minutes he came towards her in an
agitated manner； and thus began；
‘In vain have I struggled。 It will not do。 My feelings will not be
repressed。 You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire
and love you。’
Elizabeth’s astonishment was beyond expression。 She stared；
coloured； doubted； and was silent。 This he considered sufficient
encouragement； and the avowal of all that he felt and had long felt
for her； immediately followed。 He spoke well； but there were
feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed； and he was not
more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride。 His
sense of her inferiority—of its being a degradation—of the family
obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination； were
dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he
was wounding； but was very unlikely to recommend his suit。
In spite of her deeply…rooted dislike； she could not be insensible
to the compliment of such a man’s affection； and though her
intentions did not vary for an instant； she was at first sorry for the
pain he was to receive； till； roused to resentment by his
subsequent language； she lost all compassion in anger。 She tried；
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however； to compose herself to answer him with patience； when
he should have done。 He concluded with representing to her the
strength of that attachment which； in spite of all his endeavours；
he had found impossible to conquer； and with expressing his hope
that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand。 As
he said this； she could easily see that he had no doubt of a
favourable answer。 He spoke of apprehension and anxiety； but his
countenance expressed real security。 Such a circumstance could
only exasperate farther； and when he ceased； the colour rose into
her cheeks； and she said；
‘In such cases as this； it is； I believe； the established mode to
express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed； however
unequally they may be returned。 It is natural that obligation
should be felt； and if I couldfeel gratitude； I would now thank you。
But I cannot—I have never desired your good opinion； and you
have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly。 I am sorry to have
occasioned pain to any one。 It has been most unconsciously done；
however； and I hope will be of short duration。 The feelings which；
you tell me； have long prevented the acknowledgment of your
regard； can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this
explanation。’
Mr。 Darcy； who was leaning against the mantle…piece with his
eyes fixed on her face； seemed to catch her words with no less
resentment than surprise。 His complexion became pale with
anger； and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every
feature。 He was struggling for the appearance of composure； and
would not open his lips； till he believed himself to have attained it。
The pause was to Elizabeth’s feelings dreadful。 At length； in a
voice of forced calmness； he said；
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‘And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of
expecting！ I might； perhaps； wish to be informed why； with so little
endeavour at civility； I am thus rejected。 But it is of small
importance。’
‘I might as well enquire；’ replied she； ‘why with so evident a
design of offending and insulting me； you chose to tell me that you
liked me against your will； against your reason； and even against
your character？ Was not this some excuse for incivility； if I was
uncivil？ But I have other provocations。 You know I have。 Had not
my own feelings decided against you； had they been indifferent； or
had they even been favourable； do you think that any
consideration would tempt me to accept the man； who has been
the means of ruining； perhaps forever； the happiness of a most
beloved sister？’
As she pronounced these words； Mr。 Darcy changed colour； but
the emotion was short； and he listened without attempting to
interrupt her while she continued。
‘I have every reason in the world to think ill of you。 No motive
can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted there。 You
dare not； you cannot deny that you have been the principal； if not
the only means of dividing them from each other； of exposing one
to the censure of the world for caprice and instability； the other to
its derision for disappointe