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went to bed； and there was no such visible thing as the Station to vex the
cool wind in its blowing； or perhaps the autumn lightning； as it found out
the iron rails。
The infection of the Station was this：… When it was in its raving state；
the Apprentices found it impossible to be there； without labouring under
the delusion that they were in a hurry。 To Mr。 Goodchild； whose ideas of
idleness were so imperfect； this was no unpleasant hallucination； and
accordingly that gentleman went through great exertions in yielding to it；
and running up and down the platform； jostling everybody； under the
impression that he had a highly important mission somewhere； and had not
a moment to lose。 But； to Thomas Idle； this contagion was so very
unacceptable an incident of the situation； that he struck on the fourth day；
and requested to be moved。
'This place fills me with a dreadful sensation；' said Thomas； 'of having
something to do。 Remove me； Francis。'
'Where would you like to go next？' was the question of the ever…
engaging Goodchild。
'I have heard there is a good old Inn at Lancaster； established in a fine
old house： an Inn where they give you Bride…cake every day after
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dinner；' said Thomas Idle。 'Let us eat Bride…cake without the trouble of
being married； or of knowing anybody in that ridiculous dilemma。'
Mr。 Goodchild； with a lover's sigh； assented。 They departed from the
Station in a violent hurry （for which； it is unnecessary to observe； there
was not the least occasion）； and were delivered at the fine old house at
Lancaster； on the same night。
It is Mr。 Goodchild's opinion； that if a visitor on his arrival at
Lancaster could be accommodated with a pole which would push the
opposite side of the street some yards farther off； it would be better for all
parties。 Protesting against being required to live in a trench； and obliged
to speculate all day upon what the people can possibly be doing within a
mysterious opposite window； which is a shop…window to look at； but not a
shop…window in respect of its offering nothing for sale and declining to
give any account whatever of itself； Mr。 Goodchild concedes Lancaster to
be a pleasant place。 A place dropped in the midst of a charming
landscape； a place with a fine ancient fragment of castle； a place of lovely
walks； a place possessing staid old houses richly fitted with old Honduras
mahogany； which has grown so dark with time that it seems to have got
something of a retrospective mirror…quality into itself； and to show the
visitor； in the depth of its grain； through all its polish； the hue of the
wretched slaves who groaned long ago under old Lancaster merchants。
And Mr。 Goodchild adds that the stones of Lancaster do sometimes
whisper； even yet； of rich men passed away … upon whose great prosperity
some of these old doorways frowned sullen in the brightest weather … that
their slave…gain turned to curses； as the Arabian Wizard's money turned to
leaves； and that no good ever came of it； even unto the third and fourth
generations； until it was wasted and gone。
It was a gallant sight to behold； the Sunday procession of the Lancaster
elders to Church … all in black； and looking fearfully like a funeral without
the Body … under the escort of Three Beadles。
'Think；' said Francis； as he stood at the Inn window； admiring； 'of
being taken to the sacred edifice by three Beadles！ I have； in my early
time； been taken out of it by one Beadle； but； to be taken into it by three； O
Thomas； is a distinction I shall never enjoy！'
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
CHAPTER IV
When Mr。 Goodchild had looked out of the Lancaster Inn window for
two hours on end； with great perseverance； he begun to entertain a
misgiving that he was growing industrious。 He therefore set himself next；
to explore the country from the tops of all the steep hills in the
neighbourhood。
He came back at dinner…time； red and glowing； to tell Thomas Idle
what he had seen。 Thomas； on his back reading； listened with great
composure； and asked him whether he really had gone up those hills； and
bothered himself with those views； and walked all those miles？
'Because I want to know；' added Thomas； 'what you would say of it； if
you were obliged to do it？'
'It would be different； then；' said Francis。 'It would be work； then；
now； it's play。'
'Play！' replied Thomas Idle； utterly repudiating the reply。 'Play！ Here
is a man goes systematically tearing himself to pieces； and putting himself
through an incessant course of training； as if he were always under articles
to fight a match for the champion's belt； and he calls it Play！ Play！'
exclaimed Thomas Idle； scornfully contemplating his one boot in the air。
'You CAN'T play。 You don't know what it is。 You make work of
everything。'
The bright Goodchild amiably smiled。
'So you do；' said Thomas。 'I mean it。 To me you are an absolutely
terrible fellow。 You do nothing like another man。 Where another fellow
would fall into a footbath of action or emotion； you fall into a mine。
Where any other fellow would be a painted butterfly； you are a fiery
dragon。 Where another man would stake a sixpence； you stake your
existence。 If you were to go up in a balloon； you would make for Heaven；
and if you were to dive into the depths of the earth； nothing short of the
other place would content you。 What a fellow you are； Francis！' The
cheerful Goodchild laughed。
'It's all very well to laugh； but I wonder you don't feel it to be serious；'
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said Idle。 'A man who can do nothing by halves appears to me to be a
fearful man。'
'Tom； Tom；' returned Goodchild； 'if I can do nothing by halves； and be
nothing by halves； it's pretty clear that you must take me as a whole； and
make the best of me。'
With this philosophical rejoinder； the airy Goodchild clapped Mr。 Idle
on the shoulder in a final manner； and they sat down to dinner。
'By…the…by；' said Goodchild； 'I have been over a lunatic asylum too；
since I have been out。'
'He has been；' exclaimed Thomas Idle； casting up his eyes； 'over a
lunatic asylum！ Not content with being as great an Ass as Captain
Barclay in the pedestrian way； he makes a Lunacy Commissioner of
himself … for nothing！'
'An immense place；' said Goodchild； 'admirable offices； very good
arrangements； very good attendants； altogether a remarkable place。'
'And what did you see there？' asked Mr。 Idle； adapting Hamlet's advice
to the occasion； and assuming the virtue of interest； though he had it not。
'The usual thing；' said Francis Goodchild； with a sigh。 'Long groves
of blighted men…and…women…trees； interminable avenues of hopeless faces；
numbers； without the slightest power of really combining for any earthly
purpose； a society of human creatures who have nothing in common but
that they have all lost the power of being humanly social with one
another。'
'Take a glass of wine with me；' said Thomas Idle； 'and let US be
social。'
'In one gallery； Tom；' pursued Francis Goodchild； 'which looked to me
about the length of the Long Walk at Windsor； more or less … '
'Probably less；' observed Thomas Idle。
'In one gallery； which was otherwise clear of patients （for they were all
out）； there was a poor little dark…chinned； meagre man； with a perplexed
brow and a pensive face； stooping low over the m