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destitution； and the deepest misery； he made shift to stump back
to his old master； and beg for some relief。 By the locksmith’s
advice and aid； he was established in business as a shoe…black； and
opened shop under an archway near the Horse Guards。 This being
a central quarter； he quickly made a very large connection； and on
levee days； was sometimes known to have as many as twenty half…
pay officers waiting their turn for polishing。 Indeed his trade
increased to that extent； that in course of time he entertained no
less than two apprentices； besides taking for his wife the widow of
an eminent bone and rag collector； formerly of Millbank。 With this
lady （who assisted in the business） he lived in great domestic
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happiness； only chequered by those little storms which serve to
clear the atmosphere of wedlock； and brighten its horizon。 In some
of these gusts of bad weather； Mr Tappertit would； in the assertion
of his prerogative； so far forget himself； as to correct his lady with
a brush； or boot； or shoe； while she （but only in extreme cases）
would retaliate by taking off his legs； and leaving him exposed to
the derision of those urchins who delight in mischief。
Miss Miggs； baffled in all her schemes； matrimonial and
otherwise； and cast upon a thankless； undeserving world； turned
very sharp and sour； and did at length become so acid； and did so
pinch and slap and tweak the hair and noses of the youth of
Golden Lion Court； that she was by one consent expelled that
sanctuary； and desired to bless some other spot of earth； in
preference。 It chanced at that moment； that the justices of the
peace for Middlesex proclaimed by public placard that they stood
in need of a female turnkey for the County Bridewell； and
appointed a day and hour for the inspection of candidates。 Miss
Miggs attending at the time appointed； was instantly chosen and
selected from one hundred and twenty…four competitors； and at
once promoted to the office； which she held until her decease；
more than thirty years afterwards； remaining single all that time。
It was observed of this lady that while she was inflexible and grim
to all her female flock； she was particularly so to those who could
establish any claim to beauty： and it was often remarked as a proof
of her indomitable virtue and severe chastity； that to such as had
been frail she showed no mercy； always falling upon them on the
slightest occasion； or on no occasion at all； with the fullest
measure of her wrath。 Among other useful inventions which she
practised upon this class of offenders and bequeathed to posterity；
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was the art of inflicting an exquisitely vicious poke or dig with the
wards of a key in the small of the back； near the spine。 She
likewise originated a mode of treading by accident （in pattens） on
such as had small feet； also very remarkable for its ingenuity； and
previously quite unknown。
It was not very long； you may be sure； before Joe Willet and
Dolly Varden were made husband and wife； and with a handsome
sum in bank （for the locksmith could afford to give his daughter a
good dowry）； reopened the Maypole。 It was not very long； you may
be sure； before a red…faced little boy was seen staggering about the
Maypole passage； and kicking up his heels on the green before the
door。 It was not very long； counting by years； before there was a
red…faced little girl； another red…faced little boy； and a whole troop
of girls and boys： so that； go to Chigwell when you would； there
would surely be seen； either in the village street； or on the green；
or frolicking in the farm…yard—for it was a farm now； as well as a
tavern—more small Joes and small Dollys than could be easily
counted。 It was not a very long time before these appearances
ensued； but it was a very long time before Joe looked five years
older； or Dolly either； or the locksmith either； or his wife either： for
cheerfulness and content are great beautifiers； and are famous
preservers of youthful looks； depend upon it。
It was a long time； too； before there was such a country inn as
the Maypole； in all England： indeed it is a great question whether
there has ever been such another to this hour； or ever will be。 It
was a long time too—for Never； as the proverb says； is a long
day—before they forgot to have an interest in wounded soldiers at
the Maypole； or before Joe omitted to refresh them； for the sake of
his old campaign； or before the serjeant left off looking in there；
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now and then； or before they fatigued themselves； or each other；
by talking on these occasions of battles and sieges； and hard
weather and hard service； and a thousand things belonging to a
soldier’s life。 As to the great silver snuff…box which the King sent
Joe with his own hand； because of his conduct in the Riots； what
guest ever went to the Maypole without putting finger and thumb
into that box； and taking a great pinch； though he had never taken
a pinch of snuff before； and almost sneezed himself into
convulsions even then？ As to the purple…faced vintner； where is
the man who lived in those times and never saw him at the
Maypole： to all appearance as much at home in the best room； as if
he lived there？ And as to the feastings and christenings； and
revellings at Christmas； and celebrations of birthdays； wedding…
days； and all manner of days； both at the Maypole and the Golden
Key；—if they are not notorious； what facts are？
Mr Willet the elder； having been by some extraordinary means
possessed with the idea that Joe wanted to be married； and that it
would be well for him； his father； to retire into private life； and
enable him to live in comfort； took up his abode in a small cottage
at Chigwell； where they widened and enlarged the fireplace for
him； hung up the boiler； and furthermore planted in the little
garden outside the front…door； a fictitious Maypole； so that he was
quite at home directly。 To this； his new habitation； Tom Cobb； Phil
Parkes； and Solomon Daisy went regularly every night： and in the
chimney…corner； they all four quaffed； and smoked； and prosed；
and dozed； as they had done of old。 It being accidentally
discovered after a short time that Mr Willet still appeared to
consider himself a landlord by profession； Joe provided him with a
slate； upon which the old man regularly scored up vast accounts
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for meat； drink； and tobacco。 As he grew older this passion
increased upon him； and it became his delight to chalk against the
name of each of his cronies a sum of enormous magnitude； and
impossible to be paid： and such was his secret joy in these entries；
that he would be perpetually seen going behind the door to look at
them； and coming forth again； suffused with the liveliest
satisfaction。
He never recovered the surprise the Rioters had given him； and
remained in the same mental condition down to the last moment
of his life。 It was like to have been brought to a speedy termination
by the first sight of his first grandchild； which appeared to fill him
with the belief that some alarming miracle had happened to Joe。
Being promptly blooded； however； by a skilful surgeon； he