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Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
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one respect； and that was； that it was a pity there were not more
like him； and that because there were not； the country was going
to rack and ruin every day。 He was in the commission of the peace；
and could write his name almost legibly； but his greatest
qualifications were； that he was more severe with poachers； was a
better shot； a harder rider； had better horses； kept better dogs；
could eat more solid food； drink more strong wine； go to bed every
night more drunk and get up every morning more sober； than any
man in the county。 In knowledge of horseflesh he was almost
equal to a farrier； in stable learning he surpassed his own head
groom； and in gluttony not a pig on his estate was a match for him。
He had no seat in Parliament himself； but he was extremely
patriotic； and usually drove his voters up to the poll with his own
hands。 He was warmly attached to church and state； and never
appointed to the living in his gift any but a three…bottle man and a
first…rate fox…hunter。 He mistrusted the honesty of all poor people
who could read and write； and had a secret jealousy of his own
wife （a young lady whom he had married for what his friends
called ‘the good old English reason；’ that her father’s property
adjoined his own） for possessing those accomplishments in a
greater degree than himself。 In short； Barnaby being an idiot； and
Grip a creature of mere brute instinct； it would be very hard to say
what this gentleman was。
He rode up to the door of a handsome house approached by a
great flight of steps； where a man was waiting to take his horse；
and led the way into a large hall； which； spacious as it was； was
tainted with the fumes of last night’s stale debauch。 Greatcoats；
riding…whips； bridles； top…boots； spurs； and such gear； were strewn
about on all sides； and formed； with some huge stags’ antlers； and
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a few portraits of dogs and horses； its principal embellishments。
Throwing himself into a great chair （in which； by the bye； he
often snored away the night； when he had been； according to his
admirers； a finer country gentleman than usual） he bade the man
to tell his mistress to come down： and presently there appeared； a
little flurried； as it seemed； by the unwonted summons； a lady
much younger than himself； who had the appearance of being in
delicate health； and not too happy。
‘Here！ Thou’st no delight in following the hounds as an
Englishwoman should have；’ said the gentleman。 ‘See to this here。
That’ll please thee perhaps。’
The lady smiled； sat down at a little distance from him； and
glanced at Barnaby with a look of pity。
‘He’s an idiot； the woman says；’ observed the gentleman；
shaking his head； ‘I don’t believe it。’
‘Are you his mother？’ asked the lady。
She answered yes。
‘What’s the use of asking her？’ said the gentleman； thrusting his
hands into his breeches pockets。 ‘She’ll tell thee so； of course。
Most likely he’s hired； at so much a day。 There。 Get on。 Make him
do something。’
Grip having by this time recovered his urbanity； condescended；
at Barnaby’s solicitation； to repeat his various phrases of speech；
and to go through the whole of his performances with the utmost
success。 The corks； and the never say die； afforded the gentleman
so much delight that he demanded the repetition of this part of the
entertainment； until Grip got into his basket； and positively
refused to say another word； good or bad。 The lady too； was much
amused with him； and the closing point of his obstinacy so
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
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delighted her husband that he burst into a roar of laughter； and
demanded his price。
Barnaby looked as though he didn’t understand his meaning。
Probably he did not。
‘His price；’ said the gentleman； rattling the money in his
pockets； ‘what dost want for him？ How much？’
‘He’s not to be sold；’ replied Barnaby； shutting up the basket in
a great hurry； and throwing the strap over his shoulder。 ‘Mother；
come away。’
‘Thou seest how much of an idiot he is； book…learner；’ said the
gentleman； looking scornfully at his wife。 ‘He can make a bargain。
What dost want for him； old woman？’
‘He is my son’s constant companion；’ said the widow。 ‘He is not
to be sold； sir； indeed。’
‘Not to be sold！’ cried the gentleman； growing ten times redder；
hoarser； and louder than before。 ‘Not to be sold！’
‘Indeed no；’ she answered。 ‘We have never thought of parting
with him； sir； I do assure you。’
He was evidently about to make a very passionate retort； when
a few murmured words from his wife happening to catch his ear；
he turned sharply round； and said； ‘Eh？ What？’
‘We can hardly expect them to sell the bird； against their own
desire；’ she faltered。 ‘If they prefer to keep him—’
‘Prefer to keep him！’ he echoed。 ‘These people； who go
tramping about the country a…pilfering and vagabondising on all
hands； prefer to keep a bird； when a landed proprietor and a
justice asks his price！ That old woman’s been to school。 I know she
has。 Don’t tell me no；’ he roared to the widow； ‘I say； yes。’
Barnaby’s mother pleaded guilty to the accusation； and hoped
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
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there was no harm in it。
‘No harm！’ said the gentleman。 ‘No。 No harm。 No harm； ye old
rebel； not a bit of harm。 If my clerk was here； I’d set ye in the
stocks； I would； or lay ye in jail for prowling up and down； on the
look…out for petty larcenies； ye limb of a gipsy。 Here； Simon； put
these pilferers out； shove ’em into the road； out with ’em！ Ye don’t
want to sell the bird； ye that come here to beg； don’t ye？ If they
an’t out in double…quick； set the dogs upon ’em！’
They waited for no further dismissal； but fled precipitately；
leaving the gentleman to storm away by himself （for the poor lady
had already retreated）； and making a great many vain attempts to
silence Grip； who； excited by the noise； drew corks enough for a
city feast as they hurried down the avenue； and appeared to
congratulate himself beyond measure on having been the cause of
the disturbance。 When they had nearly reached the lodge； another
servant； emerging from the shrubbery； feigned to be very active in
ordering them off； but this man put a crown into the widow’s
hand； and whispering that his lady sent it； thrust them gently from
the gate。
This incident only suggested to the widow’s mind； when they
halted at an alehouse some miles further on； and heard the
justice’s character as given by his friends； that perhaps something
more than capacity of stomach and tastes for the kennel and the
stable； were required to form either a perfect country gentleman； a
thoroughbred Englishman； or a genuine John Bull； and that
possibly the terms were sometimes misappropriated； not to say
disgraced。 She little thought then； that a circumstance so slight
would ever influence their future fortunes； but time and
experience enlightened her in this respect。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
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‘Mot