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MISCELLANEOUS PAPERS
MISCELLANEOUS
PAPERS
BY CHARLES DICKENS
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MISCELLANEOUS PAPERS
THE AGRICULTURAL
INTEREST
The present Government； having shown itself to be particularly clever
in its management of Indictments for Conspiracy； cannot do better； we
think （keeping in its administrative eye the pacification of some of its most
influential and most unruly supporters）； than indict the whole
manufacturing interest of the country for a conspiracy against the
agricultural interest。 As the jury ought to be beyond impeachment； the
panel might be chosen among the Duke of Buckingham's tenants； with the
Duke of Buckingham himself as foreman； and； to the end that the country
might be quite satisfied with the judge； and have ample security
beforehand for his moderation and impartiality； it would be desirable；
perhaps； to make such a slight change in the working of the law （a mere
nothing to a Conservative Government； bent upon its end）； as would
enable the question to be tried before an Ecclesiastical Court； with the
Bishop of Exeter presiding。 The Attorney…General for Ireland； turning
his sword into a ploughshare； might conduct the prosecution； and Mr。
Cobden and the other traversers might adopt any ground of defence they
chose； or prove or disprove anything they pleased； without being
embarrassed by the least anxiety or doubt in reference to the verdict。
That the country in general is in a conspiracy against this sacred but
unhappy agricultural interest； there can be no doubt。 It is not alone
within the walls of Covent Garden Theatre； or the Free Trade Hall at
Manchester； or the Town Hall at Birmingham； that the cry 〃Repeal the
Corn…laws！〃 is raised。 It may be heard； moaning at night； through the
straw…littered wards of Refuges for the Destitute； it may be read in the
gaunt and famished faces which make our streets terrible； it is muttered in
the thankful grace pronounced by haggard wretches over their felon fare in
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MISCELLANEOUS PAPERS
gaols； it is inscribed in dreadful characters upon the walls of Fever
Hospitals； and may be plainly traced in every record of mortality。 All of
which proves； that there is a vast conspiracy afoot； against the unfortunate
agricultural interest。
They who run； even upon railroads； may read of this conspiracy。 The
old stage…coachman was a farmer's friend。 He wore top…boots；
understood cattle； fed his horses upon corn； and had a lively personal
interest in malt。 The engine…driver's garb； and sympathies； and tastes
belong to the factory。 His fustian dress； besmeared with coal…dust and
begrimed with soot； his oily hands； his dirty face； his knowledge of
machinery； all point him out as one devoted to the manufacturing interest。
Fire and smoke； and red…hot cinders follow in his wake。 He has no
attachment to the soil； but travels on a road of iron； furnace wrought。 His
warning is not conveyed in the fine old Saxon dialect of our glorious
forefathers； but in a fiendish yell。 He never cries 〃ya…hip〃； with
agricultural lungs； but jerks forth a manufactured shriek from a brazen
throat。
Where is the agricultural interest represented？ From what phase of
our social life has it not been driven； to the undue setting up of its false
rival？
Are the police agricultural？ The watchmen were。 They wore
woollen nightcaps to a man； they encouraged the growth of timber； by
patriotically adhering to staves and rattles of immense size； they slept
every night in boxes； which were but another form of the celebrated
wooden walls of Old England； they never woke up till it was too latein
which respect you might have thought them very farmers。 How is it with
the police？ Their buttons are made at Birmingham； a dozen of their
truncheons would poorly furnish forth a watchman's staff； they have no
wooden walls to repose between； and the crowns of their hats are plated
with cast…iron。
Are the doctors agricultural？ Let Messrs。 Morison and Moat； of the
Hygeian establishment at King's Cross； London； reply。 Is it not； upon the
constant showing of those gentlemen； an ascertained fact that the whole
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MISCELLANEOUS PAPERS
medical profession have united to depreciate the worth of the Universal
Vegetable Medicines？ And is this opposition to vegetables； and
exaltation of steel and iron instead； on the part of the regular practitioners；
capable of any interpretation but one？ Is it not a distinct renouncement of
the agricultural interest； and a setting up of the manufacturing interest
instead？
Do the professors of the law at all fail in their truth to the beautiful
maid whom they ought to adore？ Inquire of the Attorney… General for
Ireland。 Inquire of that honourable and learned gentleman； whose last
public act was to cast aside the grey goose… quill； an article of agricultural
produce； and take up the pistol； which； under the system of percussion
locks； has not even a flint to connect it with farming。 Or put the question
to a still higher legal functionary； who； on the same occasion； when he
should have been a reed； inclining here and there； as adverse gales of
evidence disposed him； was seen to be a manufactured image on the seat
of Justice； cast by Power； in most impenetrable brass。
The world is too much with us in this manufacturing interest； early and
late； that is the great complaint and the great truth。 It is not so with the
agricultural interest； or what passes by that name。 It never thinks of the
suffering world； or sees it； or cares to extend its knowledge of it； or； so
long as it remains a world； cares anything about it。 All those whom
Dante placed in the first pit or circle of the doleful regions； might have
represented the agricultural interest in the present Parliament； or at quarter
sessions； or at meetings of the farmers' friends； or anywhere else。
But that is not the question now。 It is conspired against； and we have
given a few proofs of the conspiracy； as they shine out of various classes
engaged in it。 An indictment against the whole manufacturing interest
need not be longer； surely； than the indictment in the case of the Crown
against O'Connell and others。 Mr。 Cobden may be taken as its
representativeas indeed he is； by one consent already。 There may be no
evidence； but that is not required。 A judge and jury are all that is needed。
And the Government know where to find them； or they gain experience to
little purpose。
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MISCELLANEOUS PAPERS
THREATENING LETTER TO THOMAS HOOD FROM AN
ANCIENT GENTLEMAN
MR。 HOOD。 SIR；The Constitution is going at last！ You needn't
laugh； Mr。 Hood。 I am aware that it has been going； two or three times
before； perhaps four times； but it is on the move now； sir； and no mistake。
I beg to say； that I use those last expressions advisedly； sir； and not in
the sense in which they are now used by Jackanapeses。 There were no
Jackanapeses when I was a boy； Mr。 Hood。 England was Old England
when I was young。 I little thought it would ever come to be Young
England when I was old。 But everything is going backward。
Ah！ governments were governments； and judges were judges； i