按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Nancy magically restored to girlhood；anew Nancy； betraying only traces
of the old； a new Nancy in a new Eden。 We had all the setting； all the
illusion of that perfect ideal of domesticity； love in a cottage。 Nancy
and I； who all our lives had spurned simplicity； laughed over the joy we
found in it： she made a high art of it； of course； we had our simple
dinners； which Mrs。 Olsen cooked and served in the open air； sometimes on
the porch； sometimes under the great butternut tree spreading its shade
over what in a more elaborate country…place；
would have been called a lawn；an uneven plot of grass of ridges and
hollows that ran down to the orchard。 Nancy's eyes would meet mine
across the little table； and often our gaze would wander over the
pastures below； lucent green in the level evening light； to the darkening
woods beyond； gilt…tipped in the setting sun。 There were fields of
ripening yellow grain； of lusty young corn that grew almost as we watched
it： the warm winds of evening were heavy with the acrid odours of
fecundity。 Fecundity！ In that lay the elusive yet insistent charm of
that country； and Nancy's； of course； was the transforming touch that
made it paradise。 It was thus； in the country； I suggested that we
should spend the rest of our existence。 What was the use of amassing
money； when happiness was to be had so simply？
〃How long do you think you could stand it？〃 she asked； as she handed me a
plate of blackberries。
〃Forever； with the right woman；〃 I announced。
〃How long could the woman stand it？〃。。。。 She humoured； smilingly； my
crystal…gazing into our future； as though she had not the heart to
deprive me of the pleasure。
〃I simply can't believe in it； Hugh；〃 she said when I pressed her for an
answer。
〃Why not？〃
〃I suppose it's because I believe in continuity； I haven't the romantic
temperament；I always see the angel with the flaming sword。 It isn't
that I want to see him。〃
〃But we shall redeem ourselves；〃 I said。 〃It won't be curiosity and
idleness。 We are not just taking this thing； and expecting to give
nothing for it in return。〃
〃What can we give that is worth it？〃 she exclaimed； with one of her
revealing flashes。
〃We won't take it lightly； but seriously；〃 I told her。 〃We shall find
something to give； and that something will spring naturally out of our
love。 We'll read together； and think and plan together。〃
〃Oh； Hugh； you are incorrigible；〃 was all she said。
The male tendency in me was forever strained to solve her； to deduce from
her conversation and conduct a body of consistent law。 The effort was
useless。 Here was a realm； that of Nancy's soul； in which there was
apparently no such thing as relevancy。 In the twilight； after dinner； we
often walked through the orchard to a grassy bank beside the little
stream； where we would sit and watch the dying glow in the sky。 After a
rain its swollen waters were turbid； opaque yellow…red with the clay of
the hills； at other times it ran smoothly； temperately； almost clear
between the pasture grasses and wild flowers。 Nancy declared that it
reminded her of me。 We sat there； into the lush； warm nights； and the
moon shone down on us； or again through long silences we searched the
bewildering； starry chart of the heavens； with the undertones of the
night…chorus of the fields in our ears。 Sometimes she let my head rest
upon her knee； but when； throbbing at her touch； with the life…force
pulsing around us； I tried to take her in my arms； to bring her lips to
mine； she resisted me with an energy of will and body that I could not
overcome； I dared not overcome。 She acknowledged her love for me； she
permitted me to come to her； she had the air of yielding but never
yielded。 Why； then； did
she allow the words of love to pass？ and how draw the line between
caresses？ I was maddened and disheartened by that elusive resistance in
herapparently so frail a thing！that neither argument nor importunity
could break down。 Was there something lacking in me？ or was it that I
feared to mar or destroy the love she had。 This； surely； had not been
the fashion of other loves； called unlawful； the classic instances
celebrated by the poets of all ages rose to mock me。
〃Incurably romantic；〃 she had called me； in calmer moments； when I was
able to discuss our affair objectively。 And once she declared that I had
no sense of tragedy。 We read 〃Macbeth〃 together； I remember； one rainy
Sunday。 The modern world； which was our generation； would seem to be cut
off from all that preceded it as with a descending knife。 It was
precisely from 〃the sense of tragedy〃 that we had been emancipated： from
the 〃agonized conscience；〃 I should undoubtedly have said； had I been
acquainted then with Mr。 Santayana's later phrase。 Conscience； the old
kind of conscience；and nothing inherent in the deeds themselves； made
the tragedy； conscience was superstition； the fear of the wrath of the
gods： conscience was the wrath of the gods。 Eliminate it； and behold！
there were no consequences。 The gods themselves； that kind of gods；
became as extinct as the deities of the Druids； the Greek fates； the
terrible figures of German mythology。 Yes； and as the God of Christian
orthodoxy。
Had any dire calamities overtaken the modern Macbeths； of whose personal
lives we happened to know something？ Had not these great ones broken
with impunity all the laws of traditional morality？ They ground the
faces of the poor； played golf and went to church with serene minds；
untroubled by criticism； they appropriated； quite freely； other men's
money； and some of them other men's wives； and yet they were not haggard
with remorse。 The gods remained silent。 Christian ministers regarded
these modern transgressors of ancient laws benignly and accepted their
contributions。 Here； indeed； were the supermen of the mad German prophet
and philosopher come to life； refuting all classic tragedy。 It is true
that some of these supermen were occasionally swept away by disease；
which in ancient days would have been regarded as a retributive scourge；
but was in fact nothing but the logical working of the laws of hygiene；
the result of overwork。 Such； though stated more crudely； were my
contentions when desire did not cloud my brain and make me incoherent。
And I did not fail to remind Nancy； constantly； that this was the path on
which her feet had been set； that to waver now was to perish。 She
smiled； yet she showed concern。
〃But suppose you don't get what you want？〃 she objected。 〃What then？
Suppose one doesn't become a superman？ or a superwoman？ What's to happen
to one？ Is there no god but the superman's god； which is himself？ Are
there no gods for those who can't be supermen？ or for those who may
refuse to be supermen？〃
To refuse； I maintained； were a weakness of the will。
〃But there are other wills；〃 she persisted； 〃wills over which the
superman may conceivably have no control。 Suppose； for example； that you
don't get me； that my will intervenes； granting it to be conceivable that
your future happiness and welfare； as you insist； depend upon your
getting mewhich I doubt。〃
〃You've no reason to doubt it。〃
〃Well； granting it； then。 Suppose the orthodoxies and superstitions
succeed in inhibiting me。 I may not be a superwoman； but my will； or my
conscience； if you choose； may be stronger than yours。 If you don't get
what you want； you aren't happy。 In other words； you fail。 Where are
your gods then？ The trouble with you； my dear Hugh； is that you have
never failed；〃 she went on； 〃you've never had a good； hard fall； you've
always been on the winning side； and you've never had the world against
you。 No wonder you don't understand the meaning and value of tragedy。〃
〃And you？〃 I asked。
〃No；〃 she agreed； 〃nor I。 Yet I have come to feel； instinctively； that
somehow concealed in tragedy is the central fact of life； the true
reality； that nothing is to be got by dodging it； as we have dodged it。
Your superman； at least the kind of superman you portray； is petrified。
Something vital in him； that should be plastic and sensitive； has turned
to stone。〃
〃Since when did you begin to feel this？〃 I inquired uneasily。
〃Sincewell； since we have been together again； in the last month or
two。 Something seems to warn me that if we takewhat we want； we shan't
get it。 That's an Irish saying； I know； but it expresses my meaning。 I
may be little； I may be superstitious； unlike the great women of history
who have dared。 But it's more than mere playing safemy instinct； I
mean。 You see； you are involved。 I believe I shouldn't hesitate if only
myself were concerned； but you are the uncertain quantitymore uncertain
than you have any idea； you think you know yourself； you think you have
analyzed yourself； but the truth is； Hugh； you don't know the meaning of
struggle against real resistance。〃
I was about to protest。
〃I know that you have conquered in the world of men and affairs；〃 she
hurried on； 〃against resistance； but it isn't the kind of resistance I
mean。 It doesn't differ essentially from the struggle in the animal
kingdom。〃
I bowed。 〃Thank you；〃 I said。
She