按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
was another fellow who spoke I forgot to mentionthat queer Dick who was
in your class； Krebs； got the school board evidence； looked as if he'd
come in by freight。 He wasn't as popular as the rest； but he's got more
sense than all of them put together。〃
〃Why wasn't he popular？〃
〃Well； he didn't crack up the American people；said they deserved all
they got； that they'd have to learn to think straight and be straight
before they could expect a square deal。 The truth was； they secretly
envied these rich men who were exploiting their city； and just as long as
they envied them they hadn't any right to complain of them。 He was going
into this campaign to tell the truth； but to tell all sides of it； and if
they wanted reform； they'd have to reform themselves first。 I admired
his nerve； I must say。〃
〃He always had that；〃 I remarked。 〃How did they take it？〃
〃Well； they didn't like it much； but I think most of them had a respect
for him。 I know I did。 He has a whole lot of assurance； an air of
knowing what he's talking about； and apparently he doesn't give a
continental whether he's popular or not。 Besides； Greenhalge had cracked
him up to the skies for the work he'd done for the school board。〃
〃You talk as if he'd converted you；〃 I said。
Ralph laughed as he rose and stretched himself。
〃Oh； I'm only the intelligent spectator； you ought to know that by this
time； Hughie。 But I thought it might interest you； since you'll have to
go on the stump and refute it all。 That'll be a nice job。 So long。〃
And he departed。 Of course I knew that he had been baiting me； his scent
for the weaknesses of his friends being absolutely fiendish。 I was angry
because he had succeeded；because he knew he had succeeded。 All the
morning uneasiness possessed me； and I found it difficult to concentrate
on the affairs I had in hand。 I felt premonitions； which I tried in vain
to suppress； that the tide of the philosophy of power and might were
starting to ebb： I scented vague calamities ahead； calamities I
associated with Krebs； and when I went out to the Club for lunch this
sense of uneasiness； instead of being dissipated； was increased。
Dickinson was there； and Scherer； who had just got back from Europe； the
talk fell on the Citizens Union； which Scherer belittled with an air of
consequence and pompousness that struck me disagreeably； and with an eye
newly critical I detected in him a certain disintegration； deterioration。
Having dismissed the reformers； he began to tell of his experiences
abroad； referring in one way or another to the people of consequence who
had entertained him。
〃Hugh；〃 said Leonard Dickinson to me as we walked to the bank together；
〃Scherer will never be any good any more。 Too much prosperity。 And he's
begun to have his nails manicured。〃
After I had left the bank president an uncanny fancy struck me that in
Adolf Scherer I had before me a concrete example of the effect of my
philosophy on the individual。。。。
Nothing seemed to go right that spring； and yet nothing was absolutely
wrong。 At times I became irritated； bewildered； out of tune； and unable
to understand why。 The weather itself was uneasy； tepid； with long
spells of hot wind and dust。 I no longer seemed to find refuge in my
work。 I was unhappy at home。 After walking for many years in confidence
and security along what appeared to be a certain path； I had suddenly
come out into a vague country in which it was becoming more and more
difficult to recognize landmarks。 I did not like to confess this； and
yet I heard within me occasional whispers。 Could it be that I； Hugh
Paret； who had always been so positive； had made a mess of my life？
There were moments when the pattern of it appeared to have fallen apart；
resolved itself into pieces that refused to fit into each other。
Of course my relationship with Nancy had something to do with this。。。。
One evening late in the spring； after dinner； Maude came into the
library。
〃Are you busy； Hugh？〃 she asked。
I put down my newspapers。
〃Because；〃 she went on； as she took a chair near the table where I was
writing； 〃I wanted to tell you that I have decided to go to Europe； and
take the children。〃
〃To Europe！〃 I exclaimed。 The significance of the announcement failed at
once to register in my brain； but I was aware of a shock。
〃Yes。〃
〃When？〃 I asked。
〃Right away。 The end of this month。〃
〃For the summer？〃
〃I haven't decided how long I shall stay。〃
I stared at her in bewilderment。 In contrast to the agitation I felt
rising within me； she was extraordinarily calm； unbelievably so。
〃But where do you intend to go in Europe？〃
〃I shall go to London for a month or so； and after that to some quiet
place in France； probably at the sea； where the children can learn French
and German。 After that； I have no plans。〃
〃Butyou talk as if you might stay indefinitely。〃
〃I haven't decided；〃 she repeated。
〃But whywhy are you doing this？〃
I would have recalled the words as soon as I had spoken them。 There was
the slightest unsteadiness in her voice as she replied：
〃Is it necessary to go into that； Hugh？ Wouldn't it be useless as well
as a little painful？ Surely； going to Europe without one's husband is
not an unusual thing in these days。 Let it just be understood that I
want to go； that the children have arrived at an age when it will do them
good。〃
I got up and began to walk up and down the room； while she watched me
with a silent calm which was incomprehensible。 In vain I summoned my
faculties to meet it。
I had not thought her capable of such initiative。
〃I can't see why you want to leave me；〃 I said at last； though with a
full sense of the inadequacy of the remark； and a suspicion of its
hypocrisy。
〃That isn't quite true；〃 she answered。 〃In the first place； you don't
need me。 I am not of the slightest use in your life； I haven't been a
factor in it for years。 You ought never to have married me；it was all
a terrible mistake。 I began to realize that after we had been married a
few monthseven when we were on our wedding trip。 But I was too
inexperiencedperhaps too weak to acknowledge it to myself。 In the last
few years I have come to see it plainly。 I should have been a fool if I
hadn't。 I am not your wife in any real sense of the word； I cannot hold
you； I cannot even interest you。 It's a situation that no woman with
self…respect can endure。〃
〃Aren't those rather modern sentiments； for you； Maude？〃 I said。
She flushed a little； but otherwise retained her remarkable composure。
〃I don't care whether they are 'modern' or not； I only know that my
position has become impossible。〃
I walked to the other end of the room； and stood facing the carefully
drawn curtains of the windows； fantastically； they seemed to represent
the impasse to which my mind had come。 Did she intend； ultimately； to
get a divorce？ I dared not ask her。 The word rang horribly in my ears；
though unpronounced； and I knew then that I lacked her courage； and the
knowledge was part of my agony。
I turned。
〃Don't you think you've overdrawn things； Maude exaggerated them？ No
marriages are perfect。 You've let your mind dwell until it has become
inflamed on matters which really don't amount to much。〃
〃I was never saner； Hugh；〃 she replied instantly。 And indeed I was
forced to confess that she looked it。 That new Maude I had seen emerging
of late years seemed now to have found herself； she was no longer the
woman I had married；yielding； willing to overlook； anxious to please；
living in me。
〃I don't influence you； or help you in any way。 I never have。〃
〃Oh； that's not true；〃 I protested。
But she cut me short； going on inexorably：
〃I am merely your housekeeper； and rather a poor one at that； from your
point of view。 You ignore me。 I am not blaming you for ityou are made
that way。 It's true that you have always supported me in luxury； that
might have been enough for another woman。 It isn't enough for meI；
too； have a life to live； a soul to be responsible for。 It's not for my
sake so much as for the children's that I don't want it to be crushed。〃
〃Crushed！〃 I repeated。
〃Yes。 You are stifling it。 I say again that I'm not blaming you； Hugh。
You are made differently from me。 All you care for； really； is your
career。 You may think that you care； at times； forother things； but it
isn't so。〃
I took； involuntarily； a deep breath。 Would she mention Nancy？ Was it
in reality Nancy who had brought about this crisis？ And did Maude
suspect the closeness of that relationship？
Suddenly I found myself begging her not to go； the more astonishing
since； if at any time during the past winter this solution had presented
itself to me as a possibility； I should eagerly have welcomed it！ But
should I ever have had the courage to propose a separation？ I even
wished to delude myself now into believing that what she suggested was in
reality not a separation。 I preferred to think of it as a trip。。。。 A
vision of freedom thrilled me； and yet I was wracked and torn。 I had an
idea that she was suffering； that the ordeal was a terrible one for her；
and at that mo