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a far country-第54章

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wife and Tom's affair。  In spite of her marked disapproval of the modern
trend in business and social life;a prejudice she had communicated to
Tom; as a bachelor I had not disliked her; and it was certain that these
views had not mitigated Tom's loyalty and affection for me。  Susan had
been my friend; as had her brother Perry; and Lucia; Perry's wife: they
made no secret of the fact that they deplored in me what they were
pleased to call plutocratic obsessions; nor had their disapproval always
been confined to badinage。  Nancy; too; they looked upon as a renegade。
I was able to bear their reproaches with the superior good nature that
springs from success; to point out why the American tradition to which
they so fatuously clung was a things of the past。  The habit of taking
dinner with them at least once a week had continued; and their arguments
rather amused me。  If they chose to dwell in a backwater out of touch
with the current of great affairs; this was a matter to be deplored; but
I did not feel strongly enough to resent it。  So long as I remained a
bachelor the relationship had not troubled me; but now that I was married
I began to consider with some alarm its power to affect my welfare。

It had remained for Nancy to inform me that I had married a woman with a
mind of her own。  I had flattered myself that I should be able to control
Maude; to govern her predilections; and now at the very beginning of our
married life she was showing a disquieting tendency to choose for
herself。  To be sure; she had found my intimacy with the Peterses and
Blackwoods already formed; but it was an intimacy from which I was
growing away。  I should not have quarrelled with her if she had not
discriminated: Nancy made overtures; and Maude drew back; Susan presented
herself; and with annoying perversity and in an extraordinarily brief
time Maude had become her intimate。  It seemed to me that she was always
at Susan's; lunching or playing with the children; who grew devoted to
her; or with Susan; choosing carpets and clothes; while more and more
frequently we dined with the Peterses and the Blackwoods; or they with
us。  With Perry's wife Maude was scarcely less intimate than with Susan。
This was the more surprising to me since Lucia Blackwood was a dyed…in…
the…wool 〃intellectual;〃 a graduate of Radcliffe; the daughter of a
Harvard professor。  Perry had fallen in love with her during her visit to
Susan。  Lucia was; perhaps; the most influential of the group; she
scorned the world; she held strong views on the higher education of
women; she had long discarded orthodoxy for what may be called a
Cambridge stoicism of simple living and high thinking; while Maude was a
strict Presbyterian; and not in the least given to theories。  When; some
months after our homecoming; I ventured to warn her gently of the dangers
of confining one's self to a coterieespecially one of such narrow
viewsher answer was rather bewildering。

〃But isn't Tom your best friend?〃 she asked。

I admitted that he was。

〃And you always went there such a lot before we were married。〃

This; too; was undeniable。  〃At the same time;〃 I replied; 〃I have other
friends。  I'm fond of the Blackwoods and the Peterses; I'm not advocating
seeing less of them; but their point of view; if taken without any
antidote; is rather narrowing。  We ought to see all kinds;〃 I suggested;
with a fine restraint。

〃You meanmore worldly people;〃 she said with her disconcerting
directness。

〃Not necessarily worldly;〃 I struggled on。  〃People who know more of the
worldyes; who understand it better。〃

Maude sighed。

〃I do try; Hugh;I return their calls;I do try to be nice to them。
But somehow I don't seem to get along with them easilyI'm not myself;
they make me shy。  It's because I'm provincial。〃

〃Nonsense!〃 I protested; 〃you're not a bit provincial。〃  And it was true;
her dignity and self…possession redeemed her。

Nancy was not once mentioned。  But I think she was in both our minds。。。。

Since my marriage; too; I had begun to resent a little the attitude of
Tom and Susan and the Blackwoods of humorous yet affectionate tolerance
toward my professional activities and financial creed; though Maude
showed no disposition to take this seriously。  I did suspect; however;
that they were more and more determined to rescue Maude from what they
would have termed a frivolous career; and on one of these occasionsso
exasperating in married life when a slight cause for pique tempts husband
or wife to try to ask myself whether this affair were only a squall;
something to be looked for once in a while on the seas of matrimony; and
weathered: or whether Maude had not; after all; been right when she
declared that I had made a mistake; and that we were not fitted for one
another?  In this gloomy view endless years of incompatibility stretched
ahead; and for the first time I began to rehearse with a certain cold
detachment the chain of apparently accidental events which had led up to
my marriage: to consider the gradual blindness that had come over my
faculties; and finally to wonder whether judgment ever entered into
sexual selection。  Would Maude have relapsed into this senseless fit if
she had realized how fortunate she was?  For I was prepared to give her
what thousands of women longed for; position and influence。  My
resentment rose again against Perry and Tom; and I began to attribute
their lack of appreciation of my achievements to jealousy。  They had not
my ability; this was the long and short of it。。。。  I pondered also;
regretfully; on my bachelor days。  And for the first time; I; who had
worked so hard to achieve freedom; felt the pressure of the yoke I had
fitted over my own shoulders。  I had voluntarily; though unwittingly;
returned to slavery。  This was what had happened。  And what was to be
done about it?  I would not consider divorce。

Well; I should have to make the best of it。  Whether this conclusion
brought on a mood of reaction; I am unable to say。  I was still annoyed
by what seemed to the masculine mind a senseless and dramatic performance
on Maude's part; an incomprehensible case of 〃nerves。〃  Nevertheless;
there stole into my mind many recollections of Maude's affection; many
passages between us; and my eye chanced to fall on the ink…well she had
bought me out of the allowance I gave her。  An unanticipated pity welled
up within me for her loneliness; her despair in that room upstairs。  I
got upand hesitated。  A counteracting; inhibiting wave passed through
me。  I hardened。  I began to walk up and down; a prey to conflicting
impulses。  Something whispered; 〃go to her〃; another voice added; 〃for
your own peace of mind; at any rate。〃  I rejected the intrusion of this
motive as unworthy; turned out the light and groped my way upstairs。  The
big clock in the hall struck twelve。

I listened outside the door of the bedroom; but all was silent within。  I
knocked。

〃Maude!〃 I said; in a low voice。

There was no response。

〃Maudelet me in!  I didn't mean to be unkindI'm sorry。〃

After an interval I heard her say: 〃I'd rather stay here;to…night。〃

But at length; after more entreaty and self…abasement on my part; she
opened the door。  The room was dark。  We sat down together on the window…
seat; and all at once she relaxed and her head fell on my shoulder; and
she began weeping again。  I held her; the alternating moods still running
through me。

〃Hugh;〃 she said at length; 〃how could you be so cruel? when you know I
love you and would do anything for you。〃

〃I didn't mean to be cruel; Maude;〃 I answered。

〃I know you didn't。  But at times you seem soindifferent; and you can't
understand how it hurts。  I haven't anybody but you; now; and it's in
your power to make me happy oror miserable。〃

Later on I tried to explain my point of view; to justify myself。

〃All I mean;〃 I concluded at length; 〃is that my position is a little
different from Perry's and Tom's。  They can afford to isolate themselves;
but I'm thrown professionally with the men who are building up this city。
Some of them; like Ralph Hambleton and Mr。 Ogilvy; I've known all my
life。  Life isn't so simple for us; Maudewe can't ignore the social
side。〃

〃I understand;〃 she said contentedly。  〃You are more of a man of affairs
much more than Tom or Perry; and you have greater responsibilities and
wider interests。  I'm really very proud of you。  Onlydon't you think
you are a little too sensitive about yourself; when you are teased?〃

I let this pass。。。。

I give a paragraph from a possible biography of Hugh Paret which; as then
seemed not improbable; might in the future have been written by some
aspiring young worshipper of success。

〃On his return from a brief but delightful honeymoon in England Mr。 Paret
took up again; with characteristic vigour; the practice of the law。  He
was entering upon the prime years of manhood; golden opportunities
confronted him as; indeed; they confronted other menbut Paret had the
foresight to take advantage of them。  And his training under Theodore
Watling was now to produce results。。。。  The reputations had already been
made of some of that remarkable group of financial geniuses who 
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