按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Just so subtly； yet with the same seeming suddenness had budded and come
to leaf and flower a perfect understanding ；which nevertheless remained
undefined。 This； I had no doubt； was my fault； and due to the
incomprehensible shyness her presence continued to inspire。 Although we
did not altogether abandon our secret trysts； we began to meet in more
natural ways； there were garden parties and picnics where we strayed
together through the woods and fields； pausing to tear off； one by one；
the petals of a daisy； 〃She loves me； she loves me not。〃 I never
ventured to kiss her； I always thought afterwards I might have done so；
she had seemed so willing； her eyes had shone so expectantly as I sat
beside her on the grass； nor can I tell why I desired to kiss her save
that this was the traditional thing to do to the lady one loved。 To be
sure； the very touch of her hand was galvanic。 Paradoxically； I saw the
human side of her； the yielding gentleness that always amazed me； yet I
never overcame my awe of the divine； she was a being sacrosanct。 Whether
this idealism were innate or the result of such romances as I had read I
cannot say。。。。 I got； indeed； an avowal of a sort。 The weekly dancing
classes having begun again； on one occasion when she had waltzed twice
with Gene Hollister I protested。
〃Don't be silly； Hugh；〃 she whispered。 〃Of course I like you better than
anyone elseyou ought to know that。〃
We never got to the word 〃love；〃 but we knew the feeling。
One cloud alone flung its shadow across these idyllic days。 Before I was
fully aware of it I had drawn very near to the first great junction…point
of my life； my graduation from Densmore Academy。 We were to 〃change
cars；〃 in the language of Principal Haime。 Well enough for the fortunate
ones who were to continue the academic journey； which implied a
postponement of the serious business of life； but month after month of
the last term had passed without a hint from my father that I was to
change cars。 Again and again I almost succeeded in screwing up my
courage to the point of mentioning college to him；never quite； his
manner； though kind and calm； somehow strengthened my suspicion that I
had been judged and found wanting； and doomed to 〃business〃： galley
slavery； I deemed it； humdrum； prosaic； degrading！ When I thought of it
at night I experienced almost a frenzy of self…pity。 My father couldn't
intend to do that； just because my monthly reports hadn't always been
what he thought they ought to be！ Gene Hollister's were no better； if as
good； and he was going to Princeton。 Was I； Hugh Paret； to be denied the
distinction of being a college man； the delights of university existence；
cruelly separated and set apart from my friends whom I loved！ held up to
the world and especially to Nancy Willett as good for nothing else！ The
thought was unbearable。 Characteristically； I hoped against hope。
I have mentioned garden parties。 One of our annual institutions was Mrs。
Willett's children's party in May； for the Willett house had a garden
that covered almost a quarter of a block。 Mrs。 Willett loved children；
the greatest regret of her life being that providence had denied her a
large family。 As far back as my memory goes she had been something of an
invalid； she had a sweet； sad face； and delicate hands so thin as to seem
almost transparent； and she always sat in a chair under the great tree on
the lawn； smiling at us as we soared to dizzy heights in the swing； or
played croquet； or scurried through the paths； and in and out of the
latticed summer…house with shrieks of laughter and terror。 It all ended
with a feast at a long table made of sawhorses and boards covered with a
white cloth； and when the cake was cut there was wild excitement as to
who would get the ring and who the thimble。
We were more decorous； or rather more awkward now； and the party began
with a formal period when the boys gathered in a group and pretended
indifference to the girls。 The girls were cleverer at it； and actually
achieved the impression that they were indifferent。 We kept an eye on
them； uneasily； while we talked。 To be in Nancy's presence and not alone
with Nancy was agonizing； and I wondered at a sang…froid beyond my power
to achieve； accused her of coldness； my sufferings being the greater
because she seemed more beautiful； daintier； more irreproachable than I
had ever seen her。 Even at that early age she gave evidence of the
social gift； and it was due to her efforts that we forgot our best
clothes and our newly born self…consciousness。 When I begged her to slip
away with me among the currant bushes she whispered：
〃I can't； Hugh。 I'm the hostess； you know。〃
I had gone there in a flutter of anticipation； but nothing went right
that day。 There was dancing in the big rooms that looked out on the
garden； the only girl with whom I cared to dance was Nancy； and she was
busy finding partners for the backward members of both sexes； though she
was my partner； to be sure； when it all wound up with a Virginia reel on
the lawn。 Then； at supper； to cap the climax of untoward incidents； an
animated discussion was begun as to the relative merits of the various
colleges； the girls； too； taking sides。 Mac Willett； Nancy's cousin； was
going to Yale； Gene Hollister to Princeton； the Ewan boys to our State
University； while Perry Blackwood and Ralph Hambleton and Ham Durrett
were destined for Harvard； Tom Peters； also； though he was not to
graduate from the Academy for another year。 I might have known that
Ralph would have suspected my misery。 He sat triumphantly next to Nancy
herself； while I had been told off to entertain the faithful Sophy。
Noticing my silence； he demanded wickedly：
〃Where are you going； Hugh？〃
〃Harvard； I think；〃 I answered with as bold a front as I could muster。
〃I haven't talked it over with my father yet。〃 It was intolerable to
admit that I of them all was to be left behind。
Nancy looked at me in surprise。 She was always downright。
〃Oh； Hugh； doesn't your father mean to put you in business？〃 she
exclaimed。
A hot flush spread over my face。 Even to her I had not betrayed my
apprehensions on this painful subject。 Perhaps it was because of this
very reason； knowing me as she did； that she had divined my fate。 Could
my father have spoken of it to anyone？
〃Not that I know of；〃 I said angrily。 I wondered if she knew how deeply
she had hurt me。 The others laughed。 The colour rose in Nancy's cheeks；
and she gave me an appealing； almost tearful look； but my heart had
hardened。 As soon as supper was over I left the table to wander； nursing
my wrongs； in a far corner of the garden； gay shouts and laughter still
echoing in my ears。 I was negligible； even my pathetic subterfuge had
been detected and cruelly ridiculed by these friends whom I had always
loved and sought out； and who now were so absorbed in their own prospects
and happiness that they cared nothing for mine。 And Nancy！ I had been
betrayed by Nancy！。。。 Twilight was coming on。 I remember glancing down
miserably at the new blue suit I had put on so hopefully for the first
time that afternoon。
Separating the garden from the street was a high； smooth board fence with
a little gate in it； and I had my hand on the latch when I heard the
sound of hurrying steps on the gravel path and a familiar voice calling
my name。
〃Hugh！ Hugh！〃
I turned。 Nancy stood before me。
〃Hugh； you're not going！〃
〃Yes； I am。〃
〃Why？〃
〃If you don't know； there's no use telling you。〃
〃Just because I said your father intended to put you in business！ Oh；
Hugh； why are you so foolish and so proud？ Do you suppose that anyone
that Ithink any the worse of you？〃
Yes； she had read me； she alone had entered into the source of that
prevarication； the complex feelings from which it sprang。 But at that
moment I could not forgive her for humiliating me。 I hugged my
grievance。
〃It was true； what I said；〃 I declared hotly。 〃My father has not spoken。
It is true that I'm going to college； because I'll make it true。 I may
not go this year。〃
She stood staring in sheer surprise at sight of my sudden； quivering
passion。 I think the very intensity of it frightened her。 And then；
without more ado； I opened the gate and was gone。。。。
That night； though I did not realize it； my journey into a Far Country
was begun。
The misery that followed this incident had one compensating factor。
Although too late to electrify Densmore and Principal Haime with my
scholarship； I was determined to go to college now； somehow； sometime。 I
would show my father； these companions of mine； and above all Nancy
herself the stuff of which I was made； compel them sooner or later to
admit that they had misjudged me。 I had been possessed by similar
resolutions before； though none so strong； and they had a way of sinking
below the surface of my consciousness； only to rise again and again until
by sheer pressure they achieved realization。
Yet I might have returned to Nancy if something had not occurred which I
would have thought unbelievable： she began to show a marked preference
for Ralph Hambleton。 At first I re