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eugene pickering-第11章

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received no answer; whereupon; as my next resource; I repaired to his

former lodging at Homburg; where I thought it possible he had left

property which he would sooner or later send for。  There I learned

that he had indeed just telegraphed from Cologne for his luggage。  To

Cologne I immediately despatched a line of inquiry as to his

prosperity and the cause of his silence。  The next day I received

three words in answera simple uncommented request that I would come

to him。  I lost no time; and reached him in the course of a few

hours。  It was dark when I arrived; and the city was sheeted in a

cold autumnal rain。  Pickering had stumbled; with an indifference

which was itself a symptom of distress; on a certain musty old

Mainzerhof; and I found him sitting over a smouldering fire in a vast

dingy chamber which looked as if it had grown gray with watching the

ennui of ten generations of travellers。  Looking at him; as he rose

on my entrance; I saw that he was in extreme tribulation。  He was

pale and haggard; his face was five years older。  Now; at least; in

all conscience; he had tasted of the cup of life!  I was anxious to

know what had turned it so suddenly to bitterness; but I spared him

all importunate curiosity; and let him take his time。  I accepted

tacitly his tacit confession of distress; and we made for a while a

feeble effort to discuss the picturesqueness of Cologne。  At last he

rose and stood a long time looking into the fire; while I slowly

paced the length of the dusky room。



〃Well!〃 he said; as I came back; 〃I wanted knowledge; and I certainly

know something I didn't a month ago。〃  And herewith; calmly and

succinctly enough; as if dismay had worn itself out; he related the

history of the foregoing days。  He touched lightly on details; he

evidently never was to gush as freely again as he had done during the

prosperity of his suit。  He had been accepted one evening; as

explicitly as his imagination could desire; and had gone forth in his

rapture and roamed about till nearly morning in the gardens of the

Conversation…house; taking the stars and the perfumes of the summer

night into his confidence。  〃It is worth it all; almost;〃 he said;

〃to have been wound up for an hour to that celestial pitch。  No man;

I am sure; can ever know it but once。〃  The next morning he had

repaired to Madame Blumenthal's lodging and had been met; to his

amazement; by a naked refusal to see him。  He had strode about for a

couple of hoursin another moodand then had returned to the

charge。  The servant handed him a three…cornered note; it contained

these words:  〃Leave me alone to…day; I will give you ten minutes to…

morrow evening。〃  Of the next thirty…six hours he could give no

coherent account; but at the appointed time Madame Blumenthal had

received him。  Almost before she spoke there had come to him a sense

of the depth of his folly in supposing he knew her。  〃One has heard

all one's days;〃 he said; 〃of people removing the mask; it's one of

the stock phrases of romance。  Well; there she stood with her mask in

her hand。  Her face;〃 he went on gravely; after a pause〃her face

was horrible!〃 。 。 。 〃I give you ten minutes;〃 she had said; pointing

to the clock。  〃Make your scene; tear your hair; brandish your

dagger!〃  And she had sat down and folded her arms。  〃It's not a

joke;〃 she cried; 〃it's dead earnest; let us have it over。  You are

dismissedhave you nothing to say?〃  He had stammered some frantic

demand for an explanation; and she had risen and come near him;

looking at him from head to feet; very pale; and evidently more

excited than she wished him to see。  〃I have done with you!〃 she

said; with a smile; 〃you ought to have done with me!  It has all been

delightful; but there are excellent reasons why it should come to an

end。〃 〃You have been playing a part; then;〃 he had gasped out; 〃you

never cared for me?〃  〃Yes; till I knew you; till I saw how far you

would go。  But now the story's finished; we have reached the

denoument。  We will close the book and be good friends。〃  〃To see how

far I would go?〃 he had repeated。  〃You led me on; meaning all the

while to do THIS!〃  〃I led you on; if you will。  I received your

visits; in season and out!  Sometimes they were very entertaining;

sometimes they bored me fearfully。  But you were such a very curious

case ofwhat shall I call it?of sincerity; that I determined to

take good and bad together。  I wanted to make you commit yourself

unmistakably。  I should have preferred not to bring you to this

place; but that too was necessary。  Of course I can't marry you; I

can do better。  So can you; for that matter; thank your fate for it。

You have thought wonders of me for a month; but your good…humour

wouldn't last。  I am too old and too wise; you are too young and too

foolish。  It seems to me that I have been very good to you; I have

entertained you to the top of your bent; and; except perhaps that I

am a little brusque just now; you have nothing to complain of。  I

would have let you down more gently if I could have taken another

month to it; but circumstances have forced my hand。  Abuse me; curse

me; if you like。  I will make every allowance!〃  Pickering listened

to all this intently enough to perceive that; as if by some sudden

natural cataclysm; the ground had broken away at his feet; and that

he must recoil。  He turned away in dumb amazement。  〃I don't know how

I seemed to be taking it;〃 he said; 〃but she seemed really to desire…

…I don't know whysomething in the way of reproach and vituperation。

But I couldn't; in that way; have uttered a syllable。  I was

sickened; I wanted to get away into the airto shake her off and

come to my senses。  'Have you nothing; nothing; nothing to say?' she

cried; as if she were disappointed; while I stood with my hand on the

door。  'Haven't I treated you to talk enough?' I believed I answered。

'You will write to me then; when you get home?'  'I think not;' said

I。  'Six months hence; I fancy; you will come and see me!'  'Never!'

said I。  'That's a confession of stupidity;' she answered。  'It means

that; even on reflection; you will never understand the philosophy of

my conduct。'  The word 'philosophy' seemed so strange that I verily

believe I smiled。  'I have given you all that you gave me;' she went

on。  'Your passion was an affair of the head。'  'I only wish you had

told me sooner that you considered it so!' I exclaimed。  And I went

my way。  The next day I came down the Rhine。  I sat all day on the

boat; not knowing where I was going; where to get off。  I was in a

kind of ague of terror; it seemed to me I had seen something

infernal。  At last I saw the cathedral towers here looming over the

city。  They seemed to say something to me; and when the boat stopped;

I came ashore。  I have been here a week。  I have not slept at night

and yet it has been a week of rest!〃



It seemed to me that he was in a fair way to recover; and that his

own philosophy; if left to take its time; was adequate to the

occasion。  After his story was once told I referred to his grievance

but oncethat evening; later; as we were about to separate for the

night。  〃Suffer me to say that there was some truth in HER account of

your relations;〃 I said。  〃You were using her intellectually; and all

the while; without your knowing it; she was using you。  It was

diamond cut diamond。  Her needs were the more superficial; and she

got tired of the game first。〃  He frowned and turned uneasily away;

but without contradicting me。  I waited a few moments; to see if he

would remember; before we parted; that he had a claim to make upon

me。  But he seemed to have forgotten it。



The next day we strolled about the picturesque old city; and of

course; before long; went into the cathedral。  Pickering said little;

he seemed intent upon his own thoughts。  He sat down beside a pillar

near a chapel; in front of a gorgeous window; and; leaving him to his

meditations; I wandered through the church。  When I came back I saw

he had something to say。  But before he had spoken I laid my hand on

his shoulder and looked at him with a significant smile。  He slowly

bent his head and dropped his eyes; with a mixture of assent and

humility。  I drew forth from where it had lain untouched for a month

the letter he had given me to keep; placed it silently on his knee;

and left him to deal with it alone。



Half an hour later I returned to the same place; but he had gone; and

one of the sacristans; hovering about and seeing me looking for

Pickering; said he thought he had left the church。  I found him in

his gloomy chamber at the inn; pacing slowly up and down。  I should

doubtless have been at a loss to say just what effect I expected the

letter from Smyrna to produce; but his actual aspect surprised me。

He was flushed; excited; a trifle irritated。



〃Evidently;〃 I said; 〃you have read your letter。〃



〃It is proper I should tell you what is in it;
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