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the Grand Central Palace； where three thousand people gathered to hear
this great revolutionist recite the story of Russia's wrongs。 The letter
ran：
DEAR MR。 TCHAYKOFFSKY； My sympathies are with the Russian
revolution； of course。 It goes without saying。 I hope it will
succeed； and now that I have talked with you I take heart to believe
it will。 Government by falsified promises； by lies； by treachery；
and by the butcher…knife； for the aggrandizement of a single family
of drones and its idle and vicious kin has been borne quite long
enough in Russia； I should think。 And it is to be hoped that the
roused nation； now rising in its strength； will presently put an end
to it and set up the republic in its place。 Some of us； even the
white…headed； may live to see the blessed day when tsars and grand
dukes will be as scarce there as I trust they are in heaven。
Most sincerely yours；
MARK TWAIN。
Clemens and Howells called on Gorky and agreed to figure prominently in a
literary dinner to be given in his honor。 The movement was really
assuming considerable proportions； when suddenly something happened which
caused it to flatten permanently； and rather ridiculously。
Arriving at 21 Fifth Avenue； one afternoon； I met Howells coming out。
I thought he had an unhappy； hunted look。 I went up to the study； and on
opening the door I found the atmosphere semi…opaque with cigar smoke； and
Clemens among the drifting blue wreaths and layers； pacing up and down
rather fiercely。 He turned； inquiringly； as I entered。 I had clipped a
cartoon from a morning paper； which pictured him as upsetting the Tsar's
thronethe kind of thing he was likely to enjoy。 I said：
〃Here is something perhaps you may wish to see； Mr。 Clemens。〃
He shook his head violently。
〃No； I can't see anything now；〃 and in another moment had disappeared
into his own room。 Something extraordinary had happened。 I wondered if；
after all their lifelong friendship； he and Howells had quarreled。 I was
naturally curious； but it was not a good time to investigate。 By and by
I went down on the street； where the newsboys were calling extras。 When
I had bought one； and glanced at the first page； I knew。 Gorky had been
expelled from his hotel for having brought to America； as his wife； a
woman not so recognized by the American laws。 Madame Andreieva； a
Russian actress； was a leader in the cause of freedom； and by Russian
custom her relation with Gorky was recognized and respected； but it was
not sufficiently orthodox for American conventions； and it was certainly
unfortunate that an apostle of high purpose should come handicapped in
that way。 Apparently the news had already reached Howells and Clemens；
and they had been feverishly discussing what was best to do about the
dinner。
Within a day or two Gorky and Madame Andreieva were evicted from a
procession of hotels； and of course the papers rang with the head…lines。
An army of reporters was chasing Clemens and Howells。 The Russian
revolution was entirely forgotten in this more lively； more intimate
domestic interest。 Howells came again； the reporters following and
standing guard at the door below。 In 'My Mark Twain' he says：
That was the moment of the great Vesuvian eruption； and we figured
ourselves in easy reach of a volcano which was every now and then
〃blowing a cone off；〃 as the telegraphic phrase was。 The roof of
the great market in Naples had just broken in under its load of
ashes and cinders； and crushed hundreds of people； and we asked each
other if we were not sorry we had not been there； where the pressure
would have been far less terrific than it was with us in Fifth
Avenue。 The forbidden butler came up with a message that there were
some gentlemen below who wanted to see Clemens。
〃How many？〃 he demanded。
〃Five；〃 the butler faltered。
〃Reporters？〃
The butler feigned uncertainty。
〃What would you do？〃 he asked me。
〃I wouldn't see them；〃 I said； and then Clemens went directly down
to them。 How or by what means he appeased their voracity I cannot
say； but I fancy it was by the confession of the exact truth； which
was harmless enough。 They went away joyfully； and he came back in
radiant satisfaction with having seen them。
It is not quite clear at this time just what word was sent to Gorky but
the matter must have been settled that night； for Clemens was in a fine
humor next morning。 It was before dictation time； and he came drifting
into the study and began at once to speak of the dinner and the
impossibility of its being given now。 Then he said：
〃American public opinion is a delicate fabric。 It shrivels like the webs
of morning at the lightest touch。〃
Later in the day he made this memorandum：
Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped； but an openly
transgressed custom brings sure punishment。 The penalty may be
unfair； unrighteous； illogical； and a cruelty； no matter； it will be
inflicted just the same。 Certainly； then； there can be but one wise
thing for a visiting stranger to dofind out what the country's
customs are and refrain from offending against them。
The efforts which have been made in Gorky's justification are
entitled to all respect because of the magnanimity of the motive
back of them； but I think that the ink was wasted。 Custom is
custom： it is built of brass； boiler…iron； granite； facts；
seasonings； arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle
winds have upon Gibraltar。 ＇To Dan Beard he said； 〃Gorky made an
awful mistake； Dan。 He might as well have come over here in his
shirt…tail。〃＇
The Gorky disturbance had hardly begun to subside when there came another
upheaval that snuffed it out completely。 On the afternoon of the 18th of
April I heard； at The Players； a wandering telephonic rumor that a great
earthquake was going on in San Francisco。 Half an hour later； perhaps； I
met Clemens coming out of No。 21。 He asked：
〃Have you heard the news about San Francisco？〃
I said I had heard a rumor of an earthquake； and had seen an extra with
big scare…heads； but I supposed the matter was exaggerated。
〃No；〃 he said； 〃I am afraid it isn't。 We have just had a telephone
message that it is even worse than at first reported。 A great fire is
consuming the city。 Come along to the news…stand and we'll see if there
is a later edition。〃
We walked to Sixth Avenue and Eighth Street and got some fresh extras。
The news was indeed worse； than at first reported。 San Francisco was
going to destruction。 Clemens was moved deeply； and began to recall this
old friend and that whose lives and property might be in danger。 He
spoke of Joe Goodman and the Gillis families； and pictured conditions in
the perishing city。
CCXLII
MARK TWAIN'S GOOD…BY TO THE PLATFORM
It was on April 19； 1906； the day following the great earthquake； that
Mark Twain gave a 〃Farewell Lecture〃 at Carnegie Hall for the benefit of
the Robert Fulton Memorial Association。 Some weeks earlier Gen。
Frederick D。 Grant； its president； had proposed to pay one thousand
dollars for a Mark Twain lecture； but Clemens' had replied that he was
permanently out of the field； and would never again address any audience
that had to pay to hear him。
〃I always expect to talk as long as I can get people to listen to me；〃 he
sand； 〃but I never again expect to charge for it。〃 Later came one of his
inspirations； and he wrote： 〃I will lecture for one thousand dollars； on
one condition： that it will be understood to be my farewell lecture； and
that I may contribute the thousand dollars to the Fulton Association。〃
It was a suggestion not to be discouraged； and the bills and notices；
〃Mark Twain's Farewell Lecture；〃 were published without delay。
I first heard of the matter one afternoon when General Grant had called。
Clemens came into the study where I was working； he often wandered in and
out…sometimes without a word； sometimes to relieve himself concerning
things in general。 But this time he suddenly chilled me by saying：
〃I'm going to deliver my farewell lecture； and I want you to appear on
the stage and help me。〃
I feebly expressed my pleasure at the prospect。 Then he said：
〃I am going to lecture on Fultonon the story of his achievements。 It
will be a burlesque； of course； and I am going to pretend to forget my
facts； and I want you to sit there in a chair。 Now and then； when I seem
to get stuck； I'll lean over and pretend to ask you some thing； and I
want you to pretend to prompt me。 You don't need to laugh； or to pretend
to be assisting in the performance any more than just that。〃
HANDBILL OF MARK TWAIN'S 〃FAREWELL LECTURE〃：
MARK TWAIN
Will Deliver His Farewell Lecture
…
CARNEGIE HALL