the secret places of the heart-第2章

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I　want　food。　When　I'm　overactive　and　sleepless　I　want　tranquillizing。　When　I'm　dispersed　I　want　pulling　together。〃　〃But　we　don't　know　how　to　use　drugs；〃　the　doctor　objected。　〃But　you　ought　to　know。〃　Dr。　Martineau　fixed　his　eye　on　a　first　floor　window　sill　on　the　opposite　side　of　Harley　Street。　His　manner　suggested　a　lecturer　holding　on　to　his　theme。　〃A　day　will　come　when　we　shall　be　able　to　manipulate　drugs　all　sorts　of　drugsand　work　them　in　to　our　general　way　of　living。　I　have　no　prejudice　against　them　at　all。　A　time　will　come　when　we　shall　correct　our　moods；　get　down　to　our　reserves　of　energy　by　their　help；　suspend　fatigue；　put　off　sleep　during　long　spells　of　exertion。　At　some　sudden　crisis　for　example。　When　we　shall　know　enough　to　know　just　how　far　to　go　with　this；　that　or　the　other　stuff。　And　how　to　wash　out　its　after　effects　。　。　。　。　I　quite　agree　with　you；in　principle　。　。　。　。　But　that　time　hasn't　come　yet。　。　。　。　Decades　of　research　yet。　。　。　。　If　we　tried　that　sort　of　thing　now；　we　should　be　like　children　playing　with　poisons　and　explosives。　。　。　。　It's　out　of　the　question。〃　〃I've　been　taking　a　few　little　things　already。　Easton　Syrup　for　example。〃　〃Strychnine。　It　carries　you　for　a　time　and　drops　you　by　the　way。　Has　it　done　you　any　goodany　NETT　good？　It　hasI　can　seebroken　your　sleep。〃　The　doctor　turned　round　again　to　his　patient　and　looked　up　into　his　troubled　face。　〃Given　physiological　trouble　I　don't　mind　resorting　to　a　drug。　Given　structural　injury　I　don't　mind　surgery。　But　except　for　any　little　mischief　your　amateur　drugging　may　have　done　you　do　not　seem　to　me　to　be　either　sick　or　injured。　You've　no　trouble　either　of　structure　or　material。　You　are　worriedill　in　your　mind；　and　otherwise　perfectly　sound。　It's　the　current　of　your　thoughts；　fermenting。　If　the　trouble　is　in　the　mental　sphere；　why　go　out　of　the　mental　sphere　for　a　treatment？　Talk　and　thought；　these　are　your　remedies。　Cool　deliberate　thought。　You're　unravelled。　You　say　it　yourself。　Drugs　will　only　make　this　or　that　unravelled　strand　behave　disproportionately。　You　don't　want　that。　You　want　to　take　stock　of　yourself　as　a　wholefind　out　where　you　stand。　〃But　the　Fuel　Commission？〃　〃Is　it　sitting　now？〃　〃Adjourned　till　after　Whitsuntide。　But　there's　heaps　of　work　to　be　done。　〃Still；〃　he　added；　〃this　is　my　one　chance　of　any　treatment。〃　The　doctor　made　a　little　calculation。　〃Three　weeks。　。　。　。　It's　scarcely　time　enough　to　begin。〃　〃You're　certain　that　no　regimen　of　carefully　planned　and　chosen　tonics〃　〃Dismiss　the　idea。　Dismiss　it。〃　He　decided　to　take　a　plunge。　〃I've　just　been　thinking　of　a　little　holiday　for　myself。　But　I'd　like　to　see　you　through　this。　And　if　I　am　to　see　you　through；　there　ought　to　be　some　sort　of　beginning　now。　In　this　three　weeks。　Suppose。　。　。　。　〃　Sir　Richmond　leapt　to　his　thought。　〃I'm　free　to　go　anywhere。〃　〃Golf　would　drive　a　man　of　your　composition　mad？〃　〃It　would。〃　〃That's　that。　Still。　The　country　must　be　getting　beautiful　again　now；after　all　the　rain　we　have　had。　I　have　a　little　two…seater。　I　don't　know。　。　。　。　The　repair　people　promise　to　release　it　before　Friday。〃　〃But　_I_　have　a　choice　of　two　very　comfortable　little　cars。　Why　not　be　my　guest？〃　〃That　might　be　more　convenient。〃　〃I'd　prefer　my　own　car。〃　〃Then　what　do　you　say？〃　〃I　agree。　Peripatetic　treatment。〃　〃South　and　west。　We　could　talk　on　the　road。　In　the　evenings。　By　the　wayside。　We　might　make　the　beginnings　of　a　treatment。　。　。　。　A　simple　tour。　Nothing　elaborate。　You　wouldn't　bring　a　man？〃　〃I　always　drive　myself。〃　Section　3　〃There's　something　very　pleasant；　said　the　doctor；　envisaging　his　own　rash　proposal；　〃in　travelling　along　roads　you　don't　know　and　seeing　houses　and　parks　and　villages　and　towns　for　which　you　do　not　feel　in　the　slightest　degree　responsible。　They　hide　all　their　troubles　from　the　road。　Their　backyards　are　tucked　away　out　of　sight；　they　show　a　brave　face；　there's　none　of　the　nasty　self…betrayals　of　the　railway　approach。　And　everything　will　be　fresh　still。　There　will　still　be　a　lot　of　apple…blossomand　bluebells。　。　。　。　And　all　the　while　we　can　be　getting　on　with　your　affair。〃　He　was　back　at　the　window　now。　〃I　want　the　holiday　myself；〃　he　said。　He　addressed　Sir　Richmond　over　his　shoulder。　〃Have　you　noted　how　fagged　and　unstable　EVERYBODY　is　getting？　Everybody　intelligent；　I　mean。〃　〃It's　an　infernally　worrying　time。〃　〃Exactly。　Everybody　suffers。〃　〃It's　no　GOOD　going　on　in　the　old　ways〃　〃It　isn't。　And　it's　a　frightful　strain　to　get　into　any　new　ways。　So　here　we　are。　〃A　man；〃　the　doctor　expanded；　〃isn't　a　creature　in　vacuo。　He's　himself　and　his　world。　He's　a　surface　of　contact；　a　system　of　adaptations；　between　his　essential　self　and　his　surroundings。　Well；　our　surroundings　have　becomehow　shall　I　put　it？a　landslide。　The　war　which　seemed　such　a　definable　catastrophe　in　1914　was；　after　all；　only　the　first　loud　crack　and　smash　of　the　collapse。　The　war　is　over　andnothing　is　over。　This　peace　is　a　farce；　reconstruction　an　exploded　phrase。　The　slide　goes　on；it　goes；　if　anything；　faster；　without　a　sign　of　stopping。　And　all　our　poor　little　adaptations！　Which　we　have　been　elaborating　and　trusting　all　our　lives！　。　。　。　One　after　another　they　fail　us。　We　are　stripped。　。　。　。　We　have　to　begin　all　over　again。　。　。　。　I'm　fifty…seven　and　I　feel　at　times　nowadays　like　a　chicken　new　hatched　in　a　thunderstorm。〃　The　doctor　walked　towards　the　bookcase　and　turned。　〃Everybody　is　like　that。。。it　isn'twhat　are　you　going　to　do？　It　isn'twhat　am　I　going　to　do？　It'swhat　are　we　all　going　to　do！　。　。　Lord！　How　safe　and　established　everything　was　in　1910；　say。　We　talked　of　this　great　war　that　was　coming；　but　nobody　thought　it　would　come。　We　had　been　born　in　peace；　comparatively　speaking；　we　had　been　brought　up　in　peace。　There　was　talk　of　wars。　There　were　warslittle　warsthat　altered　nothing　material。　。　。　。　Consols　used　to　be　at　112　and　you　fed　your　household　on　ten　shillings　a　head　a　week。　You　could　run　over　all　Europe；　barring　Turkey　and　Russia；　without　even　a　passport。　You　could　get　to　Italy　in　a　day。　Never　were　life　and　comfort　so　safefor　respectable　people。　And　we　WERE　respectable　people。　。　。　。　That　was　the　world　that　made　us　what　we　are。　That　was　the　sheltering　and　friendly　greenhouse　in　which　we　grew。　We　fitted　our　minds　to　that。　。　。　。　And　here　we　are　with　the　greenhouse　falling　in　upon　us　lump　by　lump；　smash　and　clatter；　the　wild　winds　of　heaven　tearing　in　through　the　gaps。〃　Upstairs　on　Dr。　Martineau's　desk　lay　the　typescript　of　the　opening　chapters　of　a　book　that　was　intended　to　make　a　great　splash　in　the　world；　his　PSYCHOLOGY　OF　A　NEW　AGE。　He　had　his　metaphors　ready。　〃We　said：　'This　system　will　always　go　on。　We　needn't　bother　about　it。'　We　just　planned　our　lives　accordingly。　It　was　like　a　bird　building　its　nest　of　frozen　snakes。　My　father　left　me　a　decent　independence。　I　developed　my　position；　I　have　lived　between　here　and　the　hospital；　doing　good　work；　enormously　interested；　prosperous；　mildly　distinguished。　I　had　been　born　and　brought　up　on　the　good　ship　Civilization。　I　assumed　that　someone　else　was　steering　the　ship　all　right。　I　never　knew；　I　never　enquired。〃　〃Nor　did　I〃　said　Sir　Richmond；　〃but〃　〃And　nobody　was　steering　the　ship；〃　the　doctor　went　on。　〃Nobody　had　ever　steered　the　ship。　It　was　adrift。〃　〃I　realized　that。　I〃　〃It　is　a　new　realization。　Always　hitherto　men　have　lived　by　faithas　children　do；　as　the　animals　do。　At　the　back　of　the　healthy　mind；　human　or　animal；　has　been　this　persuasion：　'This　is　all　right。　This　will　go　on。　If　I　keep　the　rule；　if　I　do　so　and　so；　all　will　be　well。　I　need　not　trouble　further；　things　are　cared　for。'〃　〃If　we　could　go　on　like　that！〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃We　can't。　That　faith　is　dead。　The　warand　the　peacehave　killed　it。〃　The　doctor's　round　face　became　speculative。　His　resemblance　to　the　full　moon　increased。　He　seemed　to　gaze　at　remote　things。　〃It　may　very　well　be　that　man　is　no　more　capable　of　living　out　of　that　atmosphere　of　assurance　than　a　tadpole　is　of　living　out　of　water。　His　mental　existence　may　be　conditional　on　that。　Deprived　of　it　he　may　become　incapable　of　sustained　social　life。　He　may　become　frantically　self…　seekingincoherent　。　。　。　a　stampede。　。　。　。　Human　sanity　mayDISPERSE。　〃That's　our　trouble；〃　the　doctor　completed。　〃Our　fundamental　trouble。　All　our　confidences　and　our　accustomed　adaptations　are　destroyed。　We　fit　together　no　longer。　We　areloose。　We　don't　know　where　we　are　nor　what　to　do。　The　psychology　of　the　former　time　fails　to　give　safe　responses；　and　the　psychology　of　the　New　Age　has　still　to　develop。〃　Section　4　〃That　is　all　very　well；〃　said　Sir　Richmond　in　the　resolute　voice　of　one　who　will　be　pent　no　longer。　〃That　is　all　very　well　as　far　as　it　goes。　But　it　does　not　cover　my　case。　I　am　not　suffering　from　inadaptation。　I　HAVE　adapted。　I　have　thought　things　out。　I　thinkmuch　as　you　do。　Much　as　you　do。　So　it's　not　that。　But　。　。　。　Mind　you；　I　am　perfectly　clear　where　I　am。　Where　we　are。　What　is　happening　to　us　all　is　the　breakup　of　the　entire　system。　Agreed！　We　have　to　make　another　system　or　perish　amidst　the　wreckage。　I　see　that　clearly。　Science　and　plan　have　to　replace　custom　and　tradition　in　human　affairs。　Soon。　Very　soon。　Granted。　Granted。　We　used　to　say　all　that。　Even　before　the　war。　Now　we　mean　it。　We've　muddled　about　in　the　old　ways　overlong。　Some　new　sort　of　world；