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the secret sharer-第5章

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I don't know what I would have said。  。 。 。 ‘Fine night; isn't it?'

or something of the sort。〃



〃Do you think they will be round here presently?〃

I asked with some incredulity。



〃Quite likely;〃 he said; faintly。



〃He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden。  His head rolled

on his shoulders。



〃H'm。 We shall see then。  Meantime get into that bed;〃 I whispered。

〃Want help?  There。〃



It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath。

This amazing swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg。

He tumbled in; rolled over on his back; and flung one arm across his eyes。

And then; with his face nearly hidden; he must have looked exactly as I used

to look in that bed。  I gazed upon my other self for a while before drawing

across carefully the two green serge curtains which ran on a brass rod。

I thought for a moment of pinning them together for greater safety;

but I sat down on the couch; and once there I felt unwilling to rise

and hunt for a pin。  I would do it in a moment。  I was extremely tired;

in a peculiarly intimate way; by the strain of stealthiness;

by the effort of whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement。

It was three o'clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine;

but I was not sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep。  I sat there;

fagged out; looking at the curtains; trying to clear my mind of the confused

sensation of being in two places at once; and greatly bothered by an

exasperating knocking in my head。  It was a relief to discover suddenly

that it was not in my head at all; but on the outside of the door。

Before I could collect myself the words 〃Come in〃 were out of my mouth;

and the steward entered with a tray; bringing in my morning coffee。

I had slept; after all; and I was so frightened that I shouted;

〃This way!  I am here; steward;〃 as though he had been miles away。

He put down the tray on the table next the couch and only then said;

very quietly; 〃I can see you are here; sir。〃  I felt him give me a keen look;

but I dared not meet his eyes just then。  He must have wondered why I

had drawn the curtains of my bed before going to sleep on the couch。

He went out; hooking the door open as usual。



I heard the crew washing decks above me。  I knew I would have

been told at once if there had been any wind。  Calm; I thought;

and I was doubly vexed。  Indeed; I felt dual more than ever。

The steward reappeared suddenly in the doorway。

I jumped up from the couch so quickly that he gave a start。



〃What do you want here?〃



〃Close your port; sirthey are washing decks。〃



〃It is closed;〃 I said; reddening。



〃Very well; sir。〃  But he did not move from the doorway and returned

my stare in an extraordinary; equivocal manner for a time。

Then his eyes wavered; all his expression changed; and in a voice

unusually gentle; almost coaxingly:



〃May I come in to take the empty cup away; sir?〃



〃Of course!〃  I turned my back on him while he popped in and out。

Then I unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt。

This sort of thing could not go on very long。  The cabin was as hot

as an oven; too。  I took a peep at my double; and discovered

that he had not moved; his arm was still over his eyes; but his

chest heaved; his hair was wet; his chin glistened with perspiration。

I reached over him and opened the port。



〃I must show myself on deck;〃 I reflected。



Of course; theoretically; I could do what I liked; with no

one to say nay to me within the whole circle of the horizon;

but to lock my cabin door and take the key away I did not dare。

Directly I put my head out of the companion I saw the group

of my two officers; the second mate barefooted; the chief

mate in long India…rubber boots; near the break of the poop;

and the steward halfway down the poop ladder talking to them eagerly。

He happened to catch sight of me and dived; the second

ran down on the main…deck shouting some order or other;

and the chief mate came to meet me; touching his cap。



There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like。

I don't know whether the steward had told them that I was 〃queer〃 only;

or downright drunk; but I know the man meant to have a good look at me。

I watched him coming with a smile which; as he got into point…blank range;

took effect and froze his very whiskers。  I did not give him time

to open his lips。



〃Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast。〃



It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship;

and I stayed on deck to see it executed; too。  I had felt the need

of asserting myself without loss of time。  That sneering young cub

got taken down a peg or two on that occasion; and I also seized

the opportunity of having a good look at the face of every

foremast man as they filed past me to go to the after braces。

At breakfast time; eating nothing myself; I presided with such

frigid dignity that the two mates were only too glad to escape from

the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all the time the dual

working of my mind distracted me almost to the point of insanity。

I was constantly watching myself; my secret self; as dependent

on my actions as my own personality; sleeping in that bed;

behind that door which faced me as I sat at the head of the table。

It was very much like being mad; only it was worse because one was

aware of it。



I had to shake him for a solid minute; but when at last he opened his eyes

it was in the full possession of his senses; with an inquiring look。



〃All's well so far;〃 I whispered。  〃Now you must vanish into the bathroom。〃



He did so; as noiseless as a ghost; and then I rang for the steward;

and facing him boldly; directed him to tidy up my stateroom while I was

having my bath〃and be quick about it。〃  As my tone admitted of no excuses;

he said; 〃Yes; sir;〃 and ran off to fetch his dustpan and brushes。

I took a bath and did most of my dressing; splashing; and whistling

softly for the steward's edification; while the secret sharer of my life

stood drawn up bolt upright in that little space; his face looking

very sunken in daylight; his eyelids lowered under the stern; dark line

of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight frown。



When I left him there to go back to my room the steward

was finishing dusting。  I sent for the mate and engaged him

in some insignificant conversation。  It was; as it were;

trifling with the terrific character of his whiskers; but my object

was to give him an opportunity for a good look at my cabin。

And then I could at last shut; with a clear conscience; the door

of my stateroom and get my double back into the recessed part。

There was nothing else for it。  He had to sit still on a small

folding stool; half smothered by the heavy coats hanging there。

We listened to the steward going into the bathroom out of

the saloon; filling the water bottles there; scrubbing the bath;

setting things to rights; whisk; bang; clatterout again

into the saloonturn the keyclick。  Such was my scheme

for keeping my second self invisible。  Nothing better could

be contrived under the circumstances。  And there we sat;

I at my writing desk ready to appear busy with some papers;

he behind me out of sight of the door。  It would not have

been prudent to talk in daytime; and I could not have stood

the excitement of that queer sense of whispering to myself。

Now and then; glancing over my shoulder; I saw him far back there;

sitting rigidly on the low stool; his bare feet close together;

his arms folded; his head hanging on his breastand perfectly still。

Anybody would have taken him for me。



I was fascinated by it myself。  Every moment I had to glance

over my shoulder。  I was looking at him when a voice outside

the door said:



〃Beg pardon; sir。〃



〃Well! 。 。 。 I kept my eyes on him; and so when the voice outside

the door announced; 〃There's a ship's boat coming our way; sir;〃

I saw him give a startthe first movement he had made for hours。

But he did not raise his bowed head。



〃All right。  Get the ladder over。〃



I hesitated。  Should I whisper something to him?  But what?

His immobility seemed to have been never disturbed。

What could I tell him he did not know already? 。 。 。 Finally

I went on deck。







II



The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all round his face;

and the sort of complexion that goes with hair of that color;

also the particular; rather smeary shade of blue in the eyes。

He was not exactly a showy figure; his shoulders were high;

his stature but middlingone leg slightly more bandy

than the other。  He shook hands; looking vaguely around。

A spiritless tenacity was his main characteristic; I judged。

I behaved with a politeness which seemed to disconcert him。

Perhaps he was shy。  He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of

what he was saying; gave his name (it was something like Archbold

but at this distance o
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