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of all their warnings； by the carelessness； and laziness； and greed
of sinful man。 And as I thought over the whole hapless question of
sanitary reform； proved long since a moral duty to God and man；
possible； easy； even pecuniarily profitable； and yet left undone；
there seemed a sublime irony； most humbling to man； in some of
Nature's processes； and in the silent and unobtrusive perfection
with which she has been taught to anticipate； since the foundation
of the world； some of the loftiest discoveries of modern science；
of which we are too apt to boast as if we had created the method by
discovering its possibility。 Created it？ Alas for the pride of
human genius； and the autotheism which would make man the measure
of all things； and the centre of the universe！ All the invaluable
laws and methods of sanitary reform at best are but clumsy
imitations of the unseen wonders which every animalcule and leaf
have been working since the world's foundation； with this slight
difference between them and us； that they fulfil their appointed
task； and we do not。
The sickly geranium which spreads its blanched leaves against the
cellar panes； and peers up； as if imploringly； to the narrow slip
of sunlight at the top of the narrow alley； had it a voice； could
tell more truly than ever a doctor in the town； why little Bessy
sickened of the scarlatina； and little Johnny of the hooping…cough；
till the toddling wee things who used to pet and water it were
carried off each and all of them one by one to the churchyard
sleep； while the father and mother sat at home； trying to supply by
gin that very vital energy which fresh air and pure water； and the
balmy breath of woods and heaths； were made by God to give； and how
the little geranium did its best； like a heaven…sent angel； to
right the wrong which man's ignorance had begotten； and drank in；
day by day； the poisoned atmosphere； and formed it into fair green
leaves； and breathed into the children's faces from every pore；
whenever they bent over it； the life…giving oxygen for which their
dulled blood and festered lungs were craving in vain； fulfilling
God's will itself； though man would not； too careless or too
covetous to see； after thousands of years of boasted progress； why
God had covered the earth with grass； herb； and tree； a living and
life…giving garment of perpetual health and youth。
It is too sad to think long about； lest we become very
Heraclituses。 Let us take the other side of the matter with
Democritus； try to laugh man out of a little of his boastful
ignorance and self…satisfied clumsiness； and tell him； that if the
House of Commons would but summon one of the little Paramecia from
any Thames' sewer…mouth； to give his evidence before their next
Cholera Committee； sanitary blue…books； invaluable as they are；
would be superseded for ever and a day； and sanitary reformers
would no longer have to confess； that they know of no means of
stopping the smells which in past hot summers drove the members out
of the House； and the judges out of Westminster Hall。
Nay； in the boat at the minute of which I have been speaking；
silent and neglected； sat a fellow…passenger； who was a greater
adept at removing nuisances than the whole Board of Health put
together； and who had done his work； too； with a cheapness
unparalleled； for all his good deeds had not as yet cost the State
one penny。 True； he lived by his business； so do other inspectors
of nuisances： but Nature； instead of paying Maia Squinado；
Esquire； some five hundred pounds sterling per annum for his
labour； had contrived； with a sublime simplicity of economy which
Mr。 Hume might have envied and admired afar off； to make him do his
work gratis； by giving him the nuisances as his perquisites； and
teaching him how to eat them。 Certainly （without going the length
of the Caribs； who upheld cannibalism because； they said； it made
war cheap； and precluded entirely the need of a commissariat）； this
cardinal virtue of cheapness ought to make Squinado an interesting
object in the eyes of the present generation； especially as he was
at that moment a true sanitary martyr； having； like many of his
human fellow…workers； got into a fearful scrape by meddling with
those existing interests； and 〃vested rights which are but vested
wrongs；〃 which have proved fatal already to more than one Board of
Health。 For last night； as he was sitting quietly under a stone in
four fathoms water； he became aware （whether by sight； smell； or
that mysterious sixth sense； to us unknown； which seems to reside
in his delicate feelers） of a palpable nuisance somewhere in the
neighbourhood； and； like a trusty servant of the public； turned out
of his bed instantly and went in search； till he discovered；
hanging among what he judged to be the stems of ore…weed
（Laminaria）； three or four large pieces of stale thornback； of most
evil savour； and highly prejudicial to the purity of the sea； and
the health of the neighbouring herrings。 Happy Squinado！ He
needed not to discover the limits of his authority； to consult any
lengthy Nuisances' Removal Act； with its clauses； and counter…
clauses； and explanations of interpretations； and interpretations
of explanations。 Nature； who can afford to be arbitrary； because
she is perfect； and to give her servants irresponsible powers；
because she has trained them to their work； had bestowed on him and
on his forefathers； as general health inspectors； those very
summary powers of entrance and removal in the watery realms for
which common sense； public opinion； and private philanthropy are
still entreating vainly in the terrestrial realms； so finding a
hole； in he went； and began to remove the nuisance； without
〃waiting twenty…four hours；〃 〃laying an information；〃 〃serving a
notice；〃 or any other vain delay。 The evil was there； … and there
it should not stay； so having neither cart nor barrow； he just
began putting it into his stomach； and in the meanwhile set his
assistants to work likewise。 For suppose not； gentle reader； that
Squinado went alone； in his train were more than a hundred thousand
as good as he； each in his office； and as cheaply paid； who needed
no cumbrous baggage train of force…pumps； hose； chloride of lime
packets； whitewash； pails or brushes； but were every man his own
instrument； and； to save expense of transit； just grew on
Squinado's back。 Do you doubt the assertion？ Then lift him up
hither； and putting him gently into that shallow jar of salt water；
look at him through the hand…magnifier； and see how Nature is
maxima in minimis。
There he sits； twiddling his feelers （a substitute； it seems； with
crustacea for biting their nails when they are puzzled）； and by no
means lovely to look on in vulgar eyes； … about the bigness of a
man's fist； a round…bodied； spindle…shanked； crusty； prickly； dirty
fellow； with a villanous squint； too； in those little bony eyes；
which never look for a moment both the same way。 Never mind： many
a man of genius is ungainly enough； and Nature； if you will
observe； as if to make up to him for his uncomeliness； has arrayed
him as Solomon in all his glory never was arrayed； and so fulfilled
one of the proposals of old Fourier … that scavengers； chimney…
sweeps； and other workers in disgusting employments； should be
rewarded for their self…sacrifice in behalf of the public weal by
some peculiar badge of honour； or laurel crown。 Not that his
crown； like those of the old Greek games； is a mere useless badge；
on the contrary； his robe of state is composed of his fellow…
servants。 His whole back is covered with a little grey forest of
branching hairs； fine as a spider's web； each branchlet carrying
its little pearly ringed club； each club its rose…coloured polype；
like （to quote Mr。 Gosse's comparison） the unexpanded birds of the
acacia。 （28）
On that leg grows； amid another copse of the grey polypes； a
delicate straw…coloured Sertularia； branch on branch of tiny double
combs； each tooth of the comb being a tube containing a living
flower； on another leg another Sertularia； coarser； but still
beautiful； and round it again has trained itself； parasitic on the
parasite； plant upon plant of glass ivy； bearing crystal bells；
（29） each of which； too； protrudes its living flower； on another
leg is a fresh species； like a little heather…bush of whitest
ivory； （30） and every needle leaf a polype cell … let us stop
before the imagination grows dizzy with the contemplation of those
myriads of beautiful atomies。 And what is their use？ Each living
flower； each polype mouth is feeding fast； sweeping into itself； by
the perpetual currents caused by the delicate fringes upon its rays
（so minute these last； that their motion only betrays their
presence）； each tiniest ato