按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
some inexplicable way Nature struck a terrible balancerevenged herself upon a people who had no children； or who brought into the world children not created by the divinity of love； unyearned for； and therefore somehow doomed to carry on the blunders and burdens of life。
Carley realized how right and true it might be for her to throw herself away upon an inferior man； even a fool or a knave； if she loved him with that great and natural love of woman； likewise it dawned upon her how false and wrong and sinful it would be to marry the greatest or the richest or the noblest man unless she had that supreme love to give him； and knew it was reciprocated。
〃What am I going to do with my life？〃 she asked； bitterly and aghast。 〃I have beenI am a waster。 I've lived for nothing but pleasurable sensation。 I'm utterly useless。 I do absolutely no good on earth。〃
Thus she saw how Harrington's words rang truehow they had precipitated a crisis for which her unconscious brooding had long made preparation。
〃Why not give up ideals and be like the rest of my kind？〃 she soliloquized。
That was one of the things which seemed wrong with modern life。 She thrust the thought from her with passionate scorn。 If poor； broken； ruined Glenn Kilbourne could cling to an ideal and fight for it； could not she； who had all the world esteemed worth while； be woman enough to do the same？ The direction of her thought seemed to have changed。 She had been ready for rebellion。 Three months of the old life had shown her that for her it was empty； vain； farcical； without one redeeming feature。 The naked truth was brutal； but it cut clean to wholesome consciousness。 Such so…called social life as she had plunged into deliberately to forget her unhappiness had failed her utterly。 If she had been shallow and frivolous it might have done otherwise。 Stripped of all guise； her actions must have been construed by a penetrating and impartial judge as a mere parading of her decorated person before a number of males with the purpose of ultimate selection。
〃I've got to find some work；〃 she muttered； soberly。
At the moment she heard the postman's whistle outside； and a little later the servant brought up her mail。 The first letter； large； soiled； thick； bore the postmark Flagstaff； and her address in Glenn Kilbourne's writing。
Carley stared at it。 Her heart gave a great leap。 Her hand shook。 She sat down suddenly as if the strength of her legs was inadequate to uphold her。
〃Glenn haswritten me！〃 she whispered； in slow； halting realization。 〃For what？ Oh； why？〃
The other letters fell off her lap； to lie unnoticed。 This big thick envelope fascinated her。 It was one of the stamped envelopes she had seen in his cabin。 It contained a letter that had been written on his rude table； before the open fire； in the light of the doorway； in that little log…cabin under the spreading pines of West Ford Canyon。 Dared she read it？ The shock to her heart passed； and with mounting swell； seemingly too full for her breast； it began to beat and throb a wild gladness through all her being。 She tore the envelope apart and read：
DEAR CARLEY：
I'm surely glad for a good excuse to write you。
Once in a blue moon I get a letter； and today Hutter brought me one from a soldier pard of mine who was with me in the Argonne。 His name is Virgil Rustqueer name； don't you think？and he's from Wisconsin。 Just a rough… diamond sort of chap； but fairly well educated。 He and I were in some pretty hot places； and it was he who pulled me out of a shell crater。 I'd 〃gone west〃 sure then if it hadn't been for Rust。
Well； he did all sorts of big things during the war。 Was down several times with wounds。 He liked to fight and he was a holy terror。 We all thought he'd get medals and promotion。 But he didn't get either。 These much…desired things did not always go where they were best deserved。
Rust is now lying in a hospital in Bedford Park。 His letter is pretty blue； All he says about why he's there is that he's knocked out。 But he wrote a heap about his girl。 It seems he was in love with a girl in his home town a pretty； big…eyed lass whose picture I've seenand while he was overseas she married one of the chaps who got out of fighting。 Evidently Rust is deeply hurt。 He wrote： 〃I'd not care so 。 。 。 if she'd thrown me down to marry an old man or a boy who couldn't have gone to war。〃 You see； Carley； service men feel queer about that sort of thing。 It's something we got over there； and none of us will ever outlive it。 Now； the point of this is that I am asking you to go see Rust； and cheer him up； and do what you can for the poor devil。 It's a good deal to ask of you； I know； especially as Rust saw your picture many a time and knows you were my girl。 But you needn't tell him that youwe couldn't make a go of it。
And； as I am writing this to you； I see no reason why I shouldn't go on in behalf of myself。
The fact is； Carley； I miss writing to you more than I miss anything of my old life。 I'll bet you have a trunkful of letters from meunless you've destroyed them。 I'm not going to say how I miss your letters。 But I will say you wrote the most charming and fascinating letters of anyone I ever knew； quite aside from any sentiment。 You knew； of course； that I had no other girl correspondent。 Well； I got along fairly well before you came West； but I'd be an awful liar if I denied I didn't get lonely for you and your letters。 It's different now that you've been to Oak Creek。 I'm alone most of the time and I dream a lot； and I'm afraid I see you here in my cabin； and along the brook； and under the pines； and riding Calicowhich you came to do welland on my hogpen fenceand； oh； everywhere！ I don't want you to think I'm down in the mouth； for I'm not。 I'll take my medicine。 But； Carley； you spoiled me； and I miss hearing from you； and I don't see why it wouldn't be all right for you to send me a friendly letter occasionally。
It is autumn now。 I wish you could see Arizona canyons in their gorgeous colors。 We have had frost right along and the mornings are great。 There's a broad zigzag belt of gold halfway up the San Francisco peaks； and that is the aspen thickets taking on their fall coat。 Here in the canyon you'd think there was blazing fire everywhere。 The vines and the maples are red； scarlet； carmine； cerise； magenta； all the hues of flame。 The oak leaves are turning russet gold； and the sycamores are yellow green。 Up on the desert the other day I rode across a patch of asters； lilac and lavender； almost purple。 I had to get off and pluck a handful。 And then what do you think？ I dug up the whole bunch； roots and all； and planted them on the sunny side of my cabin。 I rather guess your love of flowers engendered this remarkable susceptibility in me。
I'm home early most every afternoon now； and I like the couple of hours loafing around。 Guess it's bad for me； though。 You know I seldom hunt； and the trout in the pool here are so tame now they'll almost eat out of my hand。 I haven't the heart to fish for them。 The squirrels； too； have grown tame and friendly。 There's a red squirrel that climbs up on my table。 And there's a chipmunk who lives in my cabin and runs over my bed。 I've a new petthe little pig you christened Pinky。 After he had the wonderful good fortune to be caressed and named by you I couldn't think of letting him grow up in an ordinary piglike manner。 So I fetched him home。 My dog； Moze； was jealous at first and did not like this intrusion； but now they are good friends and sleep together。 Flo has a kitten she's going to give me； and then； as Hutter says； I'll be 〃Jake。〃
My occupation during these leisure hours perhaps would strike my old friends East as idle； silly； mawkish。 But I believe you will understand me。
I have the pleasure of doing nothing； and of catching now and then a glimpse of supreme joy in the strange state of thinking nothing。 Tennyson came close to this in his 〃Lotus Eaters。〃 Only to seeonly to feel is enough！
Sprawled on the warm sweet pine needles； I breathe through them the breath of the earth and am somehow no longer lonely。 I cannot； of course； see the sunset； but I watch for its coming on the eastern wall of the canyon。 I see the shadow slowly creep up； driving the gold before it； until at last the canyon rim and pines are turned to golden fire。 I watch the sailing eagles as they streak across the gold； and swoop up into the blue； and pass out of sight。 I watch the golden flush fade to gray； and then； the canyon slowly fills with purple shadows。 This hour of twilight is the silent and melancholy one。 Seldom is there any sound save the soft rush of the water over the stones； and that seems to die away。 For a moment； perhaps； I am Hiawatha alone in his forest home； or a more primitive savage； feeling the great； silent pulse of nature； happy in unconsciousness； like a beast of the wild。 But only for an instant do I ever catch this fleeting state。 Next I am Glenn Kilbourne of West Fork； doomed and haunted by memories of the past。 The great looming walls then become no longer blank。 They are vast pages of the history of my life； with its past and present； and； alas！ its future。 Everything time does is written on the stones。 And my stream seems to murmur the