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the lost road-第65章

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first to discover his successful rival。  It is either an instinct
or because his concern is deeper than that of others。 

And so; when Hemingway sought for the influence that separated
him from Polly Adair; the trail led to Fearing。  To find that the
obstacle in the path of his true love was a man greatly relieved
him。  He had feared that what was in the thoughts of Mrs。 Adair
was the memory of her dead husband。  He had no desire to cross
swords with a ghost。  But to a living rival he could afford to be
generous。

For he was sure no one could care for Polly Adair as he cared;
and; like every other man in love; he believed that he alone had
discovered in her beauties of soul and character that to the rest
of mankind were hidden。  This knowledge; he assured himself; had
aroused in him a depth of devotion no one else could hope to
imitate; and this depth of devotion would in time so impress her;
would become so necessary to her existence; that it would force
her at last into the arms of the only man who could offer it。

Having satisfied himself in this fashion; he continued cheerfully
on his way; and the presence of a rival in no way discouraged
him。  It only was Polly Adair who discouraged him。  And this;
in spite of the fact that every hour of the day he tried to bring
himself pleasantly to her notice。  All that an idle young man in
love; aided and abetted by imagination and an unlimited letter of
credit; could do; Hemingway did。  But to no end。 

The treasures he dug out of the bazaars and presented to her;
under false pretenses as trinkets he happened at that moment
to find in his pockets; were admired by her at their own great
value; and returned also under false pretenses; as having been
offered her only to examine。

〃It is for your sister at home; I suppose;〃 she prompted。  〃It's
quite lovely。  Thank you for letting me see it。〃

After having been several times severely snubbed in this fashion;
Hemingway remarked grimly as he put a black pearl back into his
pocket:

〃At this rate sister will be mighty glad to see me when I get
home。  It seems almost a pity I haven't got a sister。〃 

The girl answered this only with a grave smile。

On another occasion she admired a polo pony that had been
imported for the stable of the boy Sultan。  But next morning
Hemingway; after much diplomacy; became the owner of it and
proudly rode it to the agency。  Lady Firth and Polly Adair walked
out to meet him arm in arm; but at sight of the pony there came
into the eyes of the secretary a look that caused Hemingway to
wish himself and his mount many miles in the jungle。  He saw
that before it had been proffered; his gift…horse had been rejected。
He acted promptly。 

〃Lady Firth;〃 he said; 〃you've been so awfully kind to me; made this
place so like a home to me; that I want you to put this mare in your
stable。  The Sultan wanted her; but when he learned I meant to turn
her over to you; he let her go。  We both hope you'll accept。〃

Lady Firth had no scruples。  In five minutes she had accepted; had
clapped a side…saddle on her rich gift; and was cantering joyously
down the Pearl Road。

Polly Adair looked after her with an expression that was
distinctly wistful。  Thus encouraged; Hemingway said:

〃I'm glad you are sorry。  I hope every time you see that pony
you'll be sorry。〃

〃Why should I be sorry?〃 asked the girl。

〃Because you have been unkind;〃 said Hemingway; 〃and it is not your
character to be unkind。  And that you have shown lack of character
ought to make you sorry。〃

〃But you know perfectly well;〃 said Mrs。 Adair; 〃that if I were
to take any one of these wonderful things you bring me; I wouldn't
have any character left。〃

She smiled at him reassuringly。  〃And you know;〃 she added; 〃that
that is not why I do not take them。  It isn't because I can't afford to;
or because I don't want them; because I do; but it's because I don't
deserve them; because I can give you nothing in return。〃

〃As the copy…book says;〃 returned Hemingway; 〃'the pleasure is in
the giving。'  If the copy…book don't say that; I do。  And to pretend
that you give me nothing; that is ridiculous!〃 

It was so ridiculous that he rushed on vehemently。  〃Why; every
minute you give me something;〃 he exclaimed。  〃Just to see you;
just to know you are alive; just to be certain when I turn in at
night that when the world wakes up again you will still be a part
of it; that is what you give me。  And its name isHappiness!〃

He had begun quite innocently; he had had no idea that it would
come。  But he had said it。  As clearly as though he had dropped
upon one knee; laid his hand over his heart and exclaimed: 〃Most
beautiful of your sex; I love you! Will you marry me?〃  His eyes
and the tone of his voice had said it。  And he knew that he had
said it; and that she knew。 

Her eyes were filled with sudden tears; and so wonderful was the
light in them that for one mad moment Hemingway thought they were
tears of happiness。  But the light died; and what had been tears
became only wet drops of water; and he saw to his dismay that she
was most miserable。 

The girl moved ahead of him to the cliff on which the agency
stood; and which overhung the harbor and the Indian Ocean。  Her
eyes were filled with trouble。  As she raised them to his they begged
of him to be kind。 

〃I am glad you told me;〃 she said。  〃I have been afraid it was
coming。  But until you told me I could not say anything。  I tried
to stop you。  I was rude and unkind〃

〃You certainly were;〃 Hemingway agreed cheerfully。  〃And the more
you would have nothing to do with me; the more I admired you。  And
then I learned to admire you more; and then to love you。  It seems now
as though I had always known and always loved you。  And now this
is what we are going to do。〃

He wouldn't let her speak; he rushed on precipitately。 

〃We are first going up to the house to get your typewriting…machine;
and we will bring it back here and hurl it as far as we can off this cliff。
I want to see the splash! I want to hear it smash when it hits that rock。
It has been my worst enemy; because it helped you to be independent
of me; because it kept you from me。  Time after time; on the veranda;
when I was pretending to listen to Lady Firth; I was listening to that
damned machine banging and complaining and tiring your pretty
fingers and your dear eyes。  So first it has got to go。  You have been
its slave; now I am going to be your slave。  You have only to rub
the lamp and things will happen。  And because I've told you nothing
about myself; you mustn't think that the money that helps to make
them happen is 'tainted。'  It isn't。  Nor am I; nor my father; nor my
father's father。  I am asking you to marry a perfectly respectable
young man。  And; when you do〃

Again he gave her no opportunity to interrupt; but rushed on
impetuously:  〃We will sail away across that ocean to wherever
you will take me。  To Ceylon and Tokio and San Francisco; to Naples
and New York; to Greece and Athens。  They are all near。  They are
all yours。  Will you accept them and me?〃  He smiled appealingly;
but most miserably。  For though he had spoken lightly and with
confidence; it was to conceal the fact that he was not at all confident。
As he had read in her eyes her refusal of his pony; he had read; even
as he spoke; her refusal of himself。  When he ceased speaking the girl
answered:

〃If I say that what you tell me makes me proud; I am saying too little。〃
She shook her head firmly; with an air of finality that frightened
Hemingway。  〃But what you askwhat you suggest is impossible。〃

〃You don't like me?〃 said Hemingway。

〃I like you very much;〃 returned the girl; 〃and; if I don't seem
unhappy that it can't be; it is because I always have known it can't
be〃

〃Why can't it be?〃 rebelled Hemingway。  〃I don't mean that I can't
understand your not wanting to marry me; but if I knew your
objection; maybe; I could beat it down。〃

Again; with the same air of finality; the girl moved her head
slowly; as though considering each word; she began cautiously。

〃I cannot tell you the reason;〃 she said; 〃because it does not
concern only myself。〃

〃If you mean you care for some one else;〃 pleaded Hemingway;
〃that does not frighten me at all。〃  It did frighten him extremely;
but; believing that a faint heart never won anything; he pretended
to be brave。

〃For you;〃 he boasted; 〃I would go down into the grave as deep as
any man。  He that hath more let him give。  I know what I offer。  I
know I love you as no other man〃

The girl backed away from him as though he had struck her。  〃You
must not say that;〃 she commanded。

For the first time he saw that she was moved; that the fingers
she laced and unlaced were trembling。  〃It is final!〃 exclaimed
the girl。  〃I cannot marryyou; or any one。  II have promised。
I am not free。〃

〃Nothing in the world is final;〃 returned Hemingway sharply;
〃except death。〃  He raised his hat and; as though to leave her;
moved away。  Not because he admitted defeat; but because he
felt that for the present to continue might lose him the chance to
fight again。  But; to deliver an ultimatum; he turned back。

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