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uncle。 He had had a bulldoga young onegiven to him by a friend。
It was a grand dog； so his friend had told him； all it wanted was
trainingit had not been properly trained。 My uncle did not profess
to know much about the training of bull…dogs； but it seemed a simple
enough matter； so he thanked the man； and took his prize home at the
end of a rope。
〃Have we got to live in the house with _this？_〃 asked my aunt；
indignantly； coming in to the room about an hour after the dog's
advent； followed by the quadruped himself； wearing an idiotically
self…satisfied air。
〃That！〃 exclaimed my uncle； in astonishment； 〃why； it's a splendid
dog。 His father was honorably mentioned only last year at the
Aquarium。〃
〃Ah； well； all I can say is； that his son isn't going the way to get
honorably mentioned in this neighborhood；〃 replied my aunt； with
bitterness； 〃he's just finished killing poor Mrs。 McSlanger's cat； if
you want to know what he has been doing。 And a pretty row there'll be
about it； too！〃
〃Can't we hush it up？〃 said my uncle。
〃Hush it up？〃 retorted my aunt。 〃If you'd heard the row； you wouldn't
sit there and talk like a fool。 And if you'll take my advice；〃 added
my aunt； 〃you'll set to work on this 'training；' or whatever it is；
that has got to be done to the dog； before any human life is lost。〃
My uncle was too busy to devote any time to the dog for the next day
or so； and all that could be done was to keep the animal carefully
confined to the house。
And a nice time we had with him！ It was not that the animal was
bad…hearted。 He meant wellhe tried to do his duty。 What was wrong
with him was that he was too hard…working。 He wanted to do too much。
He started with an exaggerated and totally erroneous notion of his
duties and responsibilities。 His idea was that he had been brought
into the house for the purpose of preventing any living human soul
from coming near it and of preventing any person who might by chance
have managed to slip in from ever again leaving it。
We endeavored to induce him to take a less exalted view of his
position； but in vain。 That was the conception he had formed in his
own mind concerning his earthly task； and that conception he insisted
on living up to with； what appeared to us to be； unnecessary
conscientiousness。
He so effectually frightened away all the trades people； that they at
last refused to enter the gate。 All that they would do was to bring
their goods and drop them over the fence into the front garden； from
where we had to go and fetch them as we wanted them。
〃I wish you'd run into the garden；〃 my aunt would say to meI was
stopping with them at the time〃and see if you can find any sugar； I
think there's some under the big rose…bush。 If not； you'd better go
to Jones' and order some。〃
And on the cook's inquiring what she should get ready for lunch； my
aunt would say：
〃Well； I'm sure； Jane； I hardly know。 What have we？ Are there any
chops in the garden； or was it a bit of steak that I noticed on the
lawn？〃
On the second afternoon the plumbers came to do a little job to the
kitchen boiler。 The dog； being engaged at the time in the front of
the house； driving away the postman； did not notice their arrival。 He
was broken…hearted at finding them there when he got downstairs； and
evidently blamed himself most bitterly。 Still； there they were； all
owing to his carelessness； and the only thing to be done now was to
see that they did not escape。
There were three plumbers （it always takes three plumbers to do a job；
the first man comes on ahead to tell you that the second man will be
there soon； the second man comes to say that he can't stop； and the
third man follows to ask if the first man has been there）； and that
faithful； dumb animal kept them pinned up in the kitchenfancy
wanting to keep plumbers in a house longer than is absolutely
necessary！for five hours； until my uncle came home； and the bill
ran： 〃Self and two men engaged six hours； repairing boiler…tap； 18s。；
material； 2d。； total 18s。 2d。〃
He took a dislike to the cook from the very first。 We did not blame
him for this。 She was a disagreeable old woman； and we did not think
much of her ourselves。 But when it came to keeping her out of the
kitchen； so that she could not do her work； and my aunt and uncle had
to cook the dinner themselves； assisted by the housemaida
willing…enough girl； but necessarily inexperiencedwe felt that the
woman was being subject to persecution。
My uncle； after this； decided that the dog's training must be no
longer neglected。 The man next door but one always talked as if he
knew a lot about sporting matters； and to him my uncle went for advice
as to how to set about it。
〃Oh； yes；〃 said the man； cheerfully； 〃very simple thing； training a
bull…dog。 Wants patience； that's all。〃
〃Oh； that will be all right；〃 said my uncle； 〃it can't want much more
than living in the same house with him before he's trained does。 How
do you start？〃
〃Well； I'll tell you；〃 said next…door…but…one。 〃You take him up into
a room where there's not much furniture； and you shut the door and
bolt it。〃
〃I see；〃 said my uncle。
〃Then you place him on the floor in the middle of the room； and you go
down on your knees in front of him； and begin to irritate him。〃
〃Oh！〃
〃Yesand you go on irritating him until you have made him quite
savage。〃
〃Which； from what I know of the dog； won't take long；〃 observed my
uncle thoughtfully。
〃So much the better。 The moment he gets savage he will fly at you。〃
My uncle agreed that the idea seemed plausible。
〃He will fly at your throat；〃 continued the next…door…but…one man；
〃and this is where you will have to be careful。 _As_ he springs
toward you； and _before_ he gets hold of you； you must hit him a fair
straight blow on his nose； and knock him down。〃
〃Yes； I see what you mean。〃
〃Quite sowell； the moment you have knocked him down； he will jump up
and go for you again。 You must knock him down again； and you must
keep on doing this； until the dog is thoroughly cowed and exhausted。
Once he is thoroughly cowed； the thing's donedog's as gentle as a
lamb after that。〃
〃Oh！〃 says my uncle； rising from his chair； 〃you think that a good
way； do you？〃
〃Certainly；〃 replied the next…door…but…one man； 〃it never fails。〃
〃Oh！ I wasn't doubting it；〃 said my uncle； 〃only it's just occurred
to me that as you understand the knack of these things； perhaps
_you'd_ like to come in and try _your_ hand on the dog？ We can give
you a room quite to yourselves； and I'll undertake that nobody comes
near to interfere with you。 And ifif；〃 continued my uncle； with
that kindly thoughtfulness which ever distinguished his treatment of
others； 〃_if_； by any chance； you should miss hitting the dog at the
proper critical moment； or； if _you_ should get cowed and exhausted
first； instead of the dogwhy； I shall only be too pleased to take
the whole burden of the funeral expenses on my own shoulders； and I
hope you know me well enough to feel sure that the arrangements will
be tasteful； and； at the same time； unostentatious！〃
And out my uncle walked。
We next consulted the butcher； who agreed that the prize…ring method
was absurd； especially when recommended to a short…winded； elderly
family man； and who recommended； instead； plenty of out…door exercise
for the dog； under my uncle's strict supervision and control。
〃Get a fairly long chain for him；〃 said the butcher； 〃and take him out
for a good stiff run every evening。 Never let him get away from you；
make him mind you； and bring him home always thoroughly exhausted。
You stick to that for a month or two； regular； and you'll have him
like a little child。〃
〃Um！seems to me that I'm going to get more training over his job
than anybody else；〃 muttered my uncle； as he thanked the man and left
the shop； 〃but I suppose it's got to be done。 Wish I'd never had the
d… dog now！〃
So； religiously； every evening； my uncle would fasten a long chain to
that poor dog； and drag him away from his happy home with the idea of
exhausting him； and the dog would come back as fresh as paint； my
uncle behind him； panting and clamoring for brandy。
My uncle said he should never have dreamed there could have been such
stirring times in this prosaic nineteenth century as he had； training
that dog。
Oh； the wild； wild scamperings over the breezy commonthe dog trying
to catch a swallow； and my uncle； unable to hold him back； following
at the other end of the chain！
Oh； the merry frolics in the fields； when the dog wanted to kill a
cow； and the cow wanted to kill the dog； and they each dodged round my
uncle； trying to do it！
And； oh； the pleasant chats with the old ladies when the dog wound the
chain into a knot around their legs； and upset them； and my uncle had
to sit down in the road beside them； and untie them before they could
get up again！
But a crisis came at last。 It was a Saturday afternoonuncle being
exercised by dog in usual waynervous children playing in road； see
dog； scream； and runplayful young dog thinks it a game； jerks chain
out of uncle's grasp； and flies after themuncle flies after d