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well enough for a new tragedy； but Lord bless us … well； no matter； he
could say a great deal on that point； but he would rather not； lest he should
be thought ill…natured； as he knows he would be。 'But is not Mr。 So…and…
so's performance truly charming？' inquires a young lady。 'Charming！'
replies the censorious young gentleman。 'Oh； dear； yes； certainly； very
charming … oh； very charming indeed。' After this； he stirs the fire； smiling
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contemptuously all the while： and a modest young gentleman； who has
been a silent listener； thinks what a great thing it must be； to have such a
critical judgment。 Of music； pictures； books； and poetry； the censorious
young gentleman has an equally fine conception。 As to men and women；
he can tell all about them at a glance。 'Now let us hear your opinion of
young Mrs。 Barker；' says some great believer in the powers of Mr。 Fairfax；
'but don't be too severe。' 'I never am severe；' replies the censorious young
gentleman。 'Well； never mind that now。 She is very lady…like； is she
not？' 'Lady…like！' repeats the censorious young gentleman （for he always
repeats when he is at a loss for anything to say）。 'Did you observe her
manner？ Bless my heart and soul； Mrs。 Thompson； did you observe her
manner？ … that's all I ask。' 'I thought I had done so；' rejoins the poor lady；
much perplexed； 'I did not observe it very closely perhaps。' 'Oh； not very
closely；' rejoins the censorious young gentleman； triumphantly。 'Very
good； then I did。 Let us talk no more about her。' The censorious young
gentleman purses up his lips； and nods his head sagely； as he says this； and
it is forthwith whispered about； that Mr。 Fairfax （who； though he is a little
prejudiced； must be admitted to be a very excellent judge） has observed
something exceedingly odd in Mrs。 Barker's manner。
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THE FUNNY YOUNG
GENTLEMAN
As one funny young gentleman will serve as a sample of all funny
young Gentlemen we purpose merely to note down the conduct and
behaviour of an individual specimen of this class； whom we happened to
meet at an annual family Christmas party in the course of this very last
Christmas that ever came。
We were all seated round a blazing fire which crackled pleasantly as
the guests talked merrily and the urn steamed cheerily … for； being an old…
fashioned party； there WAS an urn； and a teapot besides … when there came
a postman's knock at the door； so violent and sudden； that it startled the
whole circle； and actually caused two or three very interesting and most
unaffected young ladies to scream aloud and to exhibit many afflicting
symptoms of terror and distress； until they had been several times assured
by their respective adorers； that they were in no danger。 We were about
to remark that it was surely beyond post…time； and must have been a
runaway knock； when our host； who had hitherto been paralysed with
wonder； sank into a chair in a perfect ecstasy of laughter； and offered to
lay twenty pounds that it was that droll dog Griggins。 He had no sooner
said this； than the majority of the company and all the children of the
house burst into a roar of laughter too； as if some inimitable joke flashed
upon them simultaneously； and gave vent to various exclamations of … To
be sure it must be Griggins； and How like him that was； and What spirits
he was always in！ with many other commendatory remarks of the like
nature。
Not having the happiness to know Griggins； we became extremely
desirous to see so pleasant a fellow； the more especially as a stout
gentleman with a powdered head； who was sitting with his breeches
buckles almost touching the hob； whispered us he was a wit of the first
water； when the door opened； and Mr。 Griggins being announced；
presented himself； amidst another shout of laughter and a loud clapping of
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hands from the younger branches。 This welcome he acknowledged by
sundry contortions of countenance； imitative of the clown in one of the
new pantomimes； which were so extremely successful； that one stout
gentleman rolled upon an ottoman in a paroxysm of delight； protesting；
with many gasps； that if somebody didn't make that fellow Griggins leave
off； he would be the death of him； he knew。 At this the company only
laughed more boisterously than before； and as we always like to
accommodate our tone and spirit if possible to the humour of any society
in which we find ourself； we laughed with the rest； and exclaimed； 'Oh！
capital； capital！' as loud as any of them。
When he had quite exhausted all beholders； Mr。 Griggins received the
welcomes and congratulations of the circle； and went through the needful
introductions with much ease and many puns。 This ceremony over； he
avowed his intention of sitting in somebody's lap unless the young ladies
made room for him on the sofa； which being done； after a great deal of
tittering and pleasantry； he squeezed himself among them； and likened his
condition to that of love among the roses。 At this novel jest we all roared
once more。 'You should consider yourself highly honoured； sir；' said we。
'Sir；' replied Mr。 Griggins； 'you do me proud。' Here everybody laughed
again； and the stout gentleman by the fire whispered in our ear that
Griggins was making a dead set at us。
The tea…things having been removed； we all sat down to a round game；
and here Mr。 Griggins shone forth with peculiar brilliancy； abstracting
other people's fish； and looking over their hands in the most comical
manner。 He made one most excellent joke in snuffing a candle； which
was neither more nor less than setting fire to the hair of a pale young
gentleman who sat next him； and afterwards begging his pardon with
considerable humour。 As the young gentleman could not see the joke
however； possibly in consequence of its being on the top of his own head；
it did not go off quite as well as it might have done； indeed； the young
gentleman was heard to murmur some general references to 'impertinence；'
and a 'rascal；' and to state the number of his lodgings in an angry tone … a
turn of the conversation which might have been productive of slaughterous
consequences； if a young lady； betrothed to the young gentleman； had not
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used her immediate influence to bring about a reconciliation：
emphatically declaring in an agitated whisper； intended for his peculiar
edification but audible to the whole table； that if he went on in that way；
she never would think of him otherwise than as a friend； though as that she
must always regard him。 At this terrible threat the young gentleman
became calm； and the young lady； overcome by the revulsion of feeling；
instantaneously fainted。
Mr。 Griggins's spirits were slightly depressed for a short period by this
unlooked…for result of such a harmless pleasantry； but being promptly
elevated by the attentions of the host and several glasses of wine； he soon
recovered； and became even more vivacious than before； insomuch that
the stout gentleman previously referred to； assured us that although he had
known him since he was THAT high （something smaller than a nutmeg…
grater）； he had never beheld him in such excellent cue。
When the round game and several games at blind man's buff which
followed it were all over； and we were going down