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was found by the river's side； near Millbank； Westminster； and was
afterwards exposed to public view in St。 Margaret's churchyard； where
thousands of people have seen it； but none could tell who the unhappy
person was； much less who committed such a horrid and barbarous action。
There are various conjectures relating to the deceased； but there being
nothing certain； we omit them。 The head was much hacked and mangled in
the cutting off。〃
The head which caused such an impression upon Monsieur de
Galgenstein was； indeed； once on the shoulders of Mr。 John Hayes； who
lost it under the following circumstances。 We have seen how Mr。 Hayes
was induced to drink。 Mr。 Hayes having been encouraged in drinking the
wine； and growing very merry therewith； he sang and danced about the
room； but his wife； fearing the quantity he had drunk would not have the
wished…for effect on him； she sent away for another bottle； of which he
drank also。 This effectually answered their expectations； and Mr。 Hayes
became thereby intoxicated； and deprived of his understanding。
He； however； made shift to get into the other room； and； throwing
himself upon the bed； fell asleep； upon which Mrs。 Hayes reminded them
of the affair in hand； and told them that was the most proper juncture to
finish the business。 *
* * *
* The description of the murder and the execution of the culprits；
which here follows in the original； was taken from the newspapers of the
day。 Coming from such a source they have； as may be imagined； no
literary merit whatever。 The details of the crime are simply horrible；
without one touch of even that sort of romance which sometimes gives a
little dignity to murder。 As such they precisely suited Mr。 Thackeray's
purpose at the timewhich was to show the real manners and customs of
the Sheppards and Turpins who were then the popular heroes of fiction。
But nowadays there is no such purpose to serve； and therefore these too
literal details are omitted。
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Catherine： A Story
* * *
Ring； ding； ding！ the gloomy green curtain drops； the dramatis
personae are duly disposed of； the nimble candle snuffers put out the lights；
and the audience goeth pondering home。 If the critic take the pains to ask
why the author； who hath been so diffuse in describing the early and
fabulous acts of Mrs。 Catherine's existence； should so hurry off the
catastrophe where a deal of the very finest writing might have been
employed； Solomons replies that the 〃ordinary〃 narrative is far more
emphatic than any composition of his own could be； with all the rhetorical
graces which he might employ。 Mr。 Aram's trial； as taken by the penny…a…
liners of those days； had always interested him more than the lengthened
and poetical report which an eminent novelist has given of the same。 Mr。
Turpin's adventures are more instructive and agreeable to him in the
account of the Newgate Plutarch； than in the learned Ainsworth's
Biographical Dictionary。 And as he believes that the professional
gentlemen who are employed to invest such heroes with the rewards that
their great actions merit； will go through the ceremony of the grand cordon
with much more accuracy and despatch than can be shown by the most
distinguished amateur； in like manner he thinks that the history of such
investitures should be written by people directly concerned； and not by
admiring persons without； who must be ignorant of many of the secrets of
Ketchcraft。 We very much doubt if Milton himself could make a
description of an execution half so horrible as the simple lines in the Daily
Post of a hundred and ten years since； that now lies before us〃herrlich
wie am ersten Tag；〃as bright and clean as on the day of publication。
Think of it！ it has been read by Belinda at her toilet； scanned at 〃Button's〃
and 〃Will's；〃 sneered at by wits； talked of in palaces and cottages； by a
busy race in wigs； red heels； hoops； patches； and rags of all varietya busy
race that hath long since plunged and vanished in the unfathomable gulf
towards which we march so briskly。
Where are they？ 〃Afflavit Deus〃and they are gone！ Hark！ is not the
same wind roaring still that shall sweep us down？ and yonder stands the
compositor at his types who shall put up a pretty paragraph some day to
say how； 〃Yesterday； at his house in Grosvenor Square；〃 or 〃At Botany
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Catherine： A Story
Bay； universally regretted；〃 died So…and…So。 Into what profound moralities
is the paragraph concerning Mrs。 Catherine's burning leading us！
Ay； truly； and to that very point have we wished to come； for； having
finished our delectable meal； it behoves us to say a word or two by way of
grace at its conclusion； and be heartily thankful that it is over。 It has been
the writer's object carefully to exclude from his drama （except in two very
insignificant instancesmere walking…gentlemen parts）； any characters but
those of scoundrels of the very highest degree。 That he has not altogether
failed in the object he had in view； is evident from some newspaper
critiques which he has had the good fortune to see； and which abuse the
tale of 〃Catherine〃 as one of the dullest； most vulgar； and immoral works
extant。 It is highly gratifying to the author to find that such opinions are
abroad； as they convince him that the taste for Newgate literature is on the
wane； and that when the public critic has right down undisguised
immorality set before him； the honest creature is shocked at it； as he
should be； and can declare his indignation in good round terms of abuse。
The characters of the tale ARE immoral； and no doubt of it； but the writer
humbly hopes the end is not so。 The public was； in our notion； dosed and
poisoned by the prevailing style of literary practice； and it was necessary
to administer some medicine that would produce a wholesome nausea； and
afterwards bring about a more healthy habit。
And； thank Heaven； this effect HAS been produced in very many
instances； and that the 〃Catherine〃 cathartic has acted most efficaciously。
The author has been pleased at the disgust which his work has excited； and
has watched with benevolent carefulness the wry faces that have been
made by many of the patients who have swallowed the dose。 Solomons
remembers； at the establishment in Birchin Lane where he had the honour
of receiving his education； there used to be administered to the boys a
certain cough…medicine； which was so excessively agreeable that all the
lads longed to have colds in order to partake of the remedy。 Some of our
popular novelists have compounded their drugs in a similar way； and made
them so palatable that a public； once healthy and honest； has been well…
nigh poisoned by their wares。 Solomons defies anyone to say the like of
himselfthat his doses have been as pleasant as champagne； and his pills
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Catherine： A Story
as sweet as barley…sugar；it has been his attempt to make vice to appear
entirely vicious； and in those instances where he hath occasionally
introduced something like virtue； to make the sham as evident as possible；
and not allow the meanest capacity a single chance to mistake it。
And what has been the consequence？ That wholesome nausea which it
has been his good fortune to create wherever he has been allowed to
practise in his humble circle。
Has anyone thrown away a halfpennyworth of sympathy upon any
person mentioned in this history？ Surely no。 But abler and more famous
men than Solomons have taken a different plan； and it becomes every man
in his vocation to cry out against such； and expose their errors as best he
may。