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english stories-london-第18章

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When they were on the steps inside the building; he turned to Helen

Stanley and said:



〃I should like to go back to the pictures once more。 I feel as if I

must stand among them just a little longer。 They have been my

companions for so long that they are almost part of myself。 I can

close my eyes and recall them faithfully。 But I want to take a last

look at them; I want to feel once more the presence of the great

masters; and to refresh my mind with their genius。 When I look at

their work I think of their life; and can only wonder at their death。

It was so strange that they should die。〃



They went back together; and he took her to his favourite pictures;

but remained speechless before them; and she did not disturb his

thoughts。 At last he said:



〃I am ready to go。 I have said farewell to them all。 I know nothing

more wonderful than being among a number of fine pictures。 It is

almost overwhelming。 Once expects nature to be grand; but one does not

expect man to be grand。〃



〃You know we don't agree there;〃 she answered。 〃/I/ expect everything

grand and great from man。〃



They went out of the gallery; and into Trafalgar Square。 It was a

scorching afternoon in August; but there was some cooling comfort in

seeing the dancing water of the fountains sparkling so brightly in the

sunshine。



〃Do you mind stopping here a few minutes?〃 he said。 〃I should like to

sit down and watch。 There is so much to see。〃



She led the way to a seat; one end of which was occupied by a workman;

who was sleeping soundly; and snoring too; his arms folded tightly

together。 He had a little clay pipe in the corner of his mouth; it

seemed to be tucked in so snugly that there was not much danger of its

falling to the ground。 At last Helen spoke to her companion。



〃What do you mean by saying that you will not be able to finish your

picture? Perhaps you are not well。 Indeed; you don't look well。 You

make me anxious; for I have a great regard for you。〃



〃I am ill and suffering;〃 he answered; quietly。 〃I thought I should

have died yesterday; but I made up my mind to live until I saw you

again; and I thought I would ask you to spend the afternoon with me;

and go with me to Westminster Abbey; and sit with me in the cloisters。

I do not feel able to go by myself; and I know of no one to ask except

you; and I believed you would not refuse me; for you have been very

kind to me。 I do not quite understand why you have been kind to me;

but I am wonderfully grateful to you。 Today I heard some one in the

gallery say that you were plain。 I turned round and I said; 'I beg

your pardon; /I/ think she is very beautiful。' I think they laughed;

and that puzzled me; for you have always seemed to me a very beautiful

person。〃



At that moment the little clay pipe fell from the workman's mouth and

was broken into bits。 He awoke with a start; gazed stupidly at the old

man and his companion; and at the broken clay pipe。



〃Curse my luck!〃 he said; yawning。 〃I was fond of that damned little

pipe。〃



The old man drew his own pipe and his own tobacco…pouch from his

pocket。



〃Take these; stranger;〃 he said。 〃I don't want them。 And good luck to

you。〃



The man's face brightened up as he took the pipe and pouch。



〃You're uncommon kind;〃 he said。 〃Can you spare them?〃 he added;

holding them out half reluctantly。



〃Yes;〃 answered the old man; 〃I shall not smoke again。 You may as well

have these matches too。〃



The labourer put them in his pocket; smiled his thanks; and walked

some little distance off; and Helen watched him examine his new pipe;

and then fill it with tobacco and light it。



Mr。 Lindall proposed that they should be getting on their way to

Westminster; and they soon found themselves in the abbey。 They sat

together in the Poets' Corner; a smile of quiet happiness broke over

the old man's tired face as he looked around and took in all the

solemn beauty and grandeur of the resting…place of the great。



〃You know;〃 he said; half to himself; half to his companion; 〃I have

no belief of any kind; and no hopes and no fears; but all through my

life it has been a comfort to me to sit quietly in a church or a

cathedral。 The graceful arches; the sun shining through the stained

windows; the vaulted roof; the noble columns; have helped me to

understand the mystery which all our books of philosophy cannot make

clear; though we bend over them year after year; and grow old over

them; old in age and in spirit。 Though I myself have never been

outwardly a worshipper; I have never sat in a place of worship but

that; for the time being; I have felt a better man。 But directly the

voice of doctrine or dogma was raised the spell was broken for me; and

that which I hoped was being made clear had no further meaning for me。

There was only one voice which ever helped me; the voice of the organ;

arousing me; thrilling me; filling me with strange longing; with

welcome sadness; with solemn gladness。 I have always thought that

music can give an answer when everything else is of no avail。 I do not

know what you believe。〃



〃I am so young to have found out;〃 she said; almost pleadingly。



〃Don't worry yourself;〃 he answered; kindly。 〃Be brave and strong; and

let the rest go。 I should like to live long enough to see what you

will make of your life。 I believe you will never be false to yourself

or to any one。 That is rare。 I believe you will not let any lower

ideal take the place of your high ideal of what is beautiful and noble

in art; in life。 I believe that you will never let despair get the

upper hand of you。 If it does you may as well die; yes; you may as

well。 And I entreat you not to lose your entire faith in humanity。

There is nothing like that for withering up the very core of the

heart。 I tell you; humanity and nature have so much in common with

each other that if you lose part of your pleasure in the latter; you

will see less beauty in the trees; the flowers; and the fields; less

grandeur in the mighty mountains and the sea。 The seasons will come

and go; and you will scarcely heed their coming and going: winter will

settle over your soul; just as it settled over mine。 And you see what

I am。〃



They had now passed into the cloisters; and they sat down in one of

the recesses of the windows; and looked out upon the rich plot of

grass which the cloisters enclose。 There was not a soul there except

themselves; the cool and the quiet and the beauty of the spot

refreshed these pilgrims; and they rested in calm enjoyment。



Helen was the first to break the silence。



〃I am glad you have brought me here;〃 she said; 〃I shall never grumble

now at not being able to afford a fortnight in the country。 This is

better than anything else。〃



〃It has always been my summer holiday to come here;〃 he said。 〃When I

first came I was like you; young and hopeful; and I had wonderful

visions of what I intended to do and to be。 Here it was I made a vow

that I would become a great painter; and win for myself a resting

place in this very abbey。 There is humour in the situation; is there

not?〃



〃I don't like to hear you say that;〃 she answered。 〃It is not always

possible for us to fulfil all our ambitions。 Still; it is better to

have had them; and failed of them; than not to have had them at all。〃



〃Possibly;〃 he replied; coldly。 Then he added; 〃I wish you would tell

me about yourself。 You have always interested me。〃



〃I have nothing to tell you about myself;〃 she answered; frankly。 〃I

am alone in the world; without friends and without relations。 The very

name I use is not a real name。 I was a foundling。 At times I am sorry

I do not belong to any one; and at other times I am glad。 You know I

am fond of books and of art; so my life is not altogether empty; and I

find my pleasure in hard work。 When I saw you at the gallery I wished

to know you; and I asked one of the students who you were。 He told me

you were a misanthrope。 Then I did not care so much about knowing you;

until one day you spoke to me about my painting; and that was the

beginning of our friendship。〃



〃Forty years ago;〃 he said; sadly; 〃the friend of my boyhood deceived

me。 I had not thought it possible that he could be false to me。 He

screened himself behind me; and became prosperous and respected at the

expense of my honour。 I vowed I would never again make a friend。 A few

years later; when I was beginning to hold up my head; the woman whom I

loved deceived me。 Then I put from me all affection and all love。

Greater natures than mine are better able to bear these troubles; but

my heart contracted and withered up。〃



He paused for a moment; many recollections overpowering him。 Then he

went on telling her the history of his life; unfolding to her the

story of his hopes and ambitions; describing to her the very home

where he was born; and the dark…eyed sister whom he had loved; and

with whom h
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