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I am much mistaken； if he has not been heretofore of their
fraternity。 Be that as it may； they resolved to give a dinner and
a ball at Leith； to which they formally invited all the young
noblemen and gentlemen that were at the races； and this
invitation was reinforced by an assurance that all the celebrated
ladies of pleasure would grace the entertainment with their
company。 I received a card on this occasion； and went thither
with half a dozen of my acquaintance。 In a large hall the cloth
was laid on a long range of tables joined together； and here the
company seated themselves； to the number of about fourscore；
lords； and lairds； and other gentlemen； courtezans and cawdies
mingled
together； as the slaves and their masters were in the time of the
Saturnalia in ancient Rome。 The toast master； who sat at the
upper end； was one Cawdie Fraser； a veteran pimp； distinguished
for his humour and sagacity； well known and much respected in his
profession by all the guests； male and female； that were here
assembled。 He had bespoke the dinner and the wine： he had taken
care that all his brethren should appear in decent apparel and
clean linen； and he himself wore a periwig with three tails in
honour of the festival。 I assure you the banquet was both
elegant and plentiful； and seasoned with a thousand sallies； that
promoted a general spirit of mirth and good humour。 After the
desert； Mr Fraser proposed the following toasts； which I don't
pretend to explain。 'The best in Christendom。' 'Gibbs'
contract。' 'The beggar's benison；' 'King and kirk。' 'Great
Britain and Ireland。' Then； filling a bumper； and turning to me；
'Mester Malford （said he）； may a' unkindness cease betwixt John
Bull and his sister Moggy。' The next person he singled out； was
a nobleman who had been long abroad。 'Ma lord （cried Fraser）；
here is a bumper to a' those noblemen who have virtue enough to
spend their rents in their ain countray。' He afterwards
addressed himself to a member of parliament in these words：
'Meester I'm sure ye'll ha' nae objection to my drinking；
disgrace and dule to ilka Scot； that sells his conscience and his
vote。' He discharged a third sarcasm at a person very gaily
dressed； who had risen from small beginnings； and made a
considerable fortune at play。 Filling his glass； and calling him
by name； 'Lang life （said he）； to the wylie loon that gangs a…field
with a toom poke at his lunzie； and comes hame with a
sackful of siller。' All these toasts being received with loud
bursts of applause； Mr Fraser called for pint glasses； and filled
his own to the brim： then standing up； and all his brethren
following his example； 'Ma lords and gentlemen （cried he）； here
is a cup of thanks for the great and undeserved honour you have
done your poor errand…boys this day。' So saying； he and they
drank off their glasses in a trice； and quitting their seats；
took their station each behind one of the other guests；
exclaiming； 'Noo we're your honours cawdies again。'
The nobleman who had bore the first brunt of Mr Fraser's satire；
objected to his abdication。 He said； as the company was assembled
by invitation from the cawdies； he expected they were to be
entertained at their expense。 'By no means； my lord （cried
Fraser）； I wad na he guilty of sic presumption for the wide
warld I never affronted a gentleman since I was born； and sure
at this age I wonnot offer an indignity to sic an honourable
convention。' 'Well （said his Lordship） as you have expended some
wit； you have a right to save your money。 You have given me good
counsel； and I take it in good part。 As you have voluntarily
quitted your seat； I will take your place with the leave of the
good company； and think myself happy to be hailed； Father of the
Feast。' He was forthwith elected into the chair； and complimented
in a bumper in his new character。
The claret continued to circulate without interruption； till the
glasses seemed to dance upon the table； and this； perhaps； was a
hint to the ladies to call for music At eight in the evening the
ball began in another apartment： at midnight we went to supper；
but it was broad day before I found the way to my lodgings； and；
no doubt； his Lordship had a swinging bill to discharge。
In short； I have lived so riotously for some weeks； that my uncle
begins to be alarmed on the score of my constitution； and very
seriously observes； 'that all his own infirmities are owing to
such excesses indulged in his youth Mrs Tabitha says it would be
more to the advantage of my soul as well as body； if； instead of
frequenting these scenes of debauchery； I would accompany Mr
Moffat and her to hear a sermon of the reverend Mr M'Corkindale。
Clinker often exhorts me； with a groan； to take care of my
precious health； and even Archy M'Alpine； when he happens to be
overtaken （which is oftener the case than I could wish）； reads me
a long lecture upon temperance and sobriety； and is so very wise
and sententious； that； if I could provide him with a professor's
chair； I would willingly give up the benefit of his amonitions
and service together； for I was tutor…sick at alma mater。
I am not； however； so much engrossed by the gaieties of
Edinburgh； but that I find time to make parties in the family
way。 We have not only seen all the villas and villages within ten
miles of the capital； but we have also crossed the Firth； which
is an arm of the sea seven miles broad； that divides Lothian from
the shire； or； as the Scots call it； the kingdom of Fife。 There
is a number of large open sea…boats that ply on this passage
from Leith to Kinghorn； which is a borough on the other side。
In one of these our whole family embarked three days ago； excepting
my sister； who； being exceedingly fearful of the water； was left
to the care of Mrs Mitchelson。 We had an easy and quick passage
into Fife； where we visited a number of poor towns on the sea…side；
including St Andrew's； which is the skeleton of a venerable city；
but we were much better pleased with some noble and elegant seats
and castles； of which there is a great number in that part of
Scotland。 Yesterday we took boat again on our return to Leith；
with fair wind and agreeable weather； but we had not advanced
half…way when the； sky was suddenly overcast； and the wind
changing； blew directly in our teeth so that we were obliged to
turn； or tack the rest of the way。 In a word； the gale increased
to a storm of wind and rain； attended with such a fog； that we
could not see the town of Leith； to which we were bound； nor even
the castle of Edinburgh； notwithstanding its high situation。 It
is not to be doubted but that we were all alarmed on this
occasion。 And at the same time； most of the passengers were
seized with a nausea that produced violent retchings。 My aunt
desired her brother to order the boatmen； to put back to
Kinghorn； and this expedient he actually proposed； but they
assured him there was no danger。 Mrs Tabitha finding them
obstinate； began to scold； and insisted upon my uncle's exerting
his authority as a justice of the peace。 Sick and peevish as he
was； he could not help laughing at this wise proposal； telling
her； that his commission did not extend so far； and； if it did；
he should let the people take their own way； for he thought it
would be great presumption in him to direct them in the exercise
of their own profession。 Mrs Winifred Jenkins made a general
clearance with the assistance of Mr Humphry Clinker； who joined
her both in prayer and ejaculation。 As he took it for granted
that we should not be long in this world； he offered some
spiritual consolation to Mrs Tabitha； who rejected it with great
disgust； bidding him keep his sermons for those who had leisure
to hear such nonsense。 My uncle sat； collected in himself；
without speaking； my man Archy had recourse to a brandy…bottle；
with which he made so free； that I imagined he had sworn to die
of drinking any thing rather than sea…water： but the brandy had
no more effect upon him in the way of intoxication； than if it
had been sea…water in good earnest。 As for myself； I was too
much engrossed by the sickness at my stomach； to think of any
thing else。 Meanwhile the sea swelled mountains high； the boat
pitched with such violence； as if it had been going to pieces；
the cordage rattled； the wind roared； the lightning flashed； the
thunder bellowed； and the rain descended in a deluge Every time
the vessel was put about； we ship'd a sea that drenched us all to
the skin。 When； by dint of turning； we thought to have cleared
the pier head； we were driven to leeward； and then the boatmen
themselves began to fear that the tide would fail before we
should fetch up our lee…way： the next trip； however； brought us
into smooth water； and we were safely landed on the quay； about
one o'clock in the afternoon。 'To be sure （cried Tabby； when she
found herself on terra firma）； we must all have perished； if we
had not been the particular care of Providence。' 'Yes （replied my
uncle）； but I am much of the honest highlander's mind after he
had made such a passage as this： his friend told him he was much
indebted to Providence； 〃Certainly （said Donald）； but； by my